Breathe Again
by x-MJ-x
Summary: Set post 'Lauren' so beware spoilers. It's been three years and she feels like she's been holding her breath the whole time, but then an encounter with a familiar face changes everything, will she ever really breathe again?
1. Prologue: Not Forever

**Hey, so after the response to my last Hotch /Prentiss story, I thought it was about time that I had a go at writing another. This one is a response to all the wonderful post 'Lauren' stories I have been reading (you guys are great!) I decided to have a crack at my own take on events and even though I have yet to actually see the episode in question – living in the 'unspoiled', blissfully Emily filled world for two more weeks yet and I refuse to **_**Youtube **_**because I can't bear to think of the sadness, I figured that ****since this is multi chaptered that won't be a problem since any of the important stuff which may need to be included due to the rating will be revealed to me by the time I get to the relevant chapters... **

**That's the other thing I wanted to talk about – considering that this is intended to be multi chaptered I must let you know what that means in terms of me – As you will know if you read 'I'll be your saviour' I have the tendency to get a little carried away, so a multi chaptered story is going to be a lot of work for me – this means you will receive chapters which have been given lots of love and attention and this will be something I will always promise, however this detail requires lots of time and that is where I must ask you to please, please be patient with me and if you like what you read please review and let me know because your comments serve as much to remind me when an update is due as to make me smiley and happy – this is particularly important since I have another long running Morgan / Garcia story "White Chocolate Knights in White Satin" which I have to update too – Hopefully it's not too crazy of me to try to do two stories at once... **

**One final note: The title of this story is inspired by the song of the same name by Sara Bareilles the very talented singer, songwriter and pianist – I am obsessed with her right now and thought the song fitted all the emotions the team and Emily are undoubtedly going through. So all lyrics reproduced in this chapter for demonstrative purposes only should be credited to her : - )**

**Finally, finally: This is just the prologue, a taste of things to come if you like. If you want to read more you know what to do : -) **

**My author's note remains the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics... **

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><p><em><strong>***Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back<br>At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?  
>All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one<br>Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns**_

**_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_**  
><strong><em>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<em>**  
><strong><em>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again<em>**  
><strong><em>I'll breathe again<em>**

**_Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth_**  
><strong><em>And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view<em>**  
><strong><em>Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart<em>**  
><strong><em>And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore<em>**

**_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_**  
><strong><em>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<em>**  
><strong><em>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again<em>**

**_It hurts to be here_**  
><strong><em>I only wanted love from you<em>**  
><strong><em>It hurts to be here<em>**  
><strong><em>What am I gonna do?<em>**

**_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe_**  
><strong><em>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching<em>**  
><strong><em>All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe<em>**  
><strong><em>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<em>**  
><strong><em>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again<em>**  
><strong><em>I'll breathe again... I'll breathe again... ***<em>**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Three Years Ago... <em>**

The machine beeped steadily reflecting the laboured breathing of the dark haired woman in the bed. For weeks she had been in recovery until two days ago when things had gone horribly wrong...

On the plastic seat by the bed, her head sheathed in a head scarf, sat a regal, upright woman, her brow knitted with worry which had to do with more than her concern for the unconscious woman she had come here for. She shouldn't be here, it wasn't safe and yet she had a binding connection to the sleeping woman, an unexplainable desire to be by her side..

She drew in a tense breath – was this disguise really convincing at all? She didn't think so. It wasn't practical or pragmatic for a woman in her position to be doing something so reckless, she couldn't jeopardise everything she had worked so hard to achieve in her life and yet here she was... it still astonished her that the recent events had softened her heart... it amazed her that after years of being dysfunctional she had finally discovered the meaning of a mother's love...

* * *

><p>The brunette in the bed began to stir, her head swooning as she tried to focus. It was hard, she didn't where she was or how she had gotten here and her thoughts were addled with... something... She took a deep steadying breath and opened her eyes. It was blinding, it hurt... It was too bright... Wait was she...? Was this?<p>

"Am I dead?" She asked, more to herself than to anybody in particular, after all she wasn't aware that anybody else _was _there to ask.

"Oh not for real honey." Elizabeth Prentiss tried to joke, hoping that it would help Emily to get used to this whole situation.

"Mother?" She whispered in disbelief.

"Ssh honey I'm here..." Elizabeth soothed taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. It was odd hearing the words of affection in her usually objective tone of voice, it didn't sound quite right, to either of them but Elizabeth knew that the sentiment was there - she just hoped her daughter understood it.

"Ok... So who are you and what have you done with my mother?" Emily eyed her suspiciously, it was weird that her mother was acting so affectionately, it was like a whole other person had come here today.

"Well I thought maybe since we don't have a lot of time together, since you have to be moved we could be... friends." Elizabeth replied and the word sounded painful in the older woman's usually emotionless voice.

Emily didn't know how to reply to that so she decided to use this new 'open' attitude to her own ends.

"So, uh... What um... what happened this time?" Emily asked, unable to meet her mother's eye. Her head was still spinning and she didn't even want to think about all the stuff she was trying to forget.

"The doctor told me you had a relapse... that your injuries became septic..." She trailed off looking away.

"Where are we?" Emily asked trying not to read into the emotion of her mother.

"Rome." Elizabeth replied, trying not to let her daughter here the edge in her voice at the mention of this place.

"How did you know I was here?" Emily asked.

"Come on, I'm an Ambassador – you think I don't know how to watch out for you?" Elizabeth told her, not meeting her eyes again.

"You risked everything to come here for me – why would you do that?" Emily asked, her head banging.

"I did it because I love you – you're my little girl and I would do anything for you." Elizabeth replied, another shocker - God today was a weird day.

Emily paused for a moment before replying "I don't want to be friends with you." She whispered quietly.

"I see this whole thing hasn't changed you much, I see you still can't forgive me." Elizabeth sighed resignedly.

"I don't want to be friends because I need you to be my mother." Emily replied squeezing her hand slightly.

"Oh." The other woman breathed.

"Can you do that?" Emily asked doubtfully.

"I can try." She replied tearfully.

* * *

><p>"So when can I go home?" Emily asked hopefully, maybe everything bad had been a dream, but judging by her current situation she knew she shouldn't be so optimistic.<p>

"You know you can't go home, we can't risk it – in fact now that you're awake I need to make a call." Elizabeth told her.

"To who?" Emily asked in confusion.

"Uh a friend Ok?" Elizabeth smiled weakly , getting up and taking an unrecognisable cell from her purse.

"Hey Mom – are you going to say my name anytime soon?" Emily asked.

"Sure... Carolina." Her mother smiled but it didn't reach her eyes and then she stepped out to make that call.

* * *

><p>"Agent Jareau? She's awake. She's getting stronger... We're ready." Elizabeth Prentiss spoke into the phone and she waited for the reply of the blonde agent who had already done more than enough to keep her family safe... still she had to ask to one more favour, at least... As Ambassador there were things that she could do, people she could assign to watch over Emily in her absence and that sort of thing but she could not provide Emily with the protection she desperately needed and that was where Jennifer Jareau, Emily's friend and colleague came in.<p>

_"I want to talk to Carolina."_ J.J breathed out her relief, sticking to the name she had given Roman admissions at the hospital when she had found out that Emily had been admitted.

"Do you think that's a good idea? I don't know if she's strong enough, I don't think she's facing up to reality. You know what she asked me? She asked when she could home – How do I answer that agent Jareau? How do I tell my daughter that she will never be able to come home?" Elizabeth felt tears sliding down her cheeks, knowing that she was being unfair - it wasn't the other agent's fault after all.

_"Ambassador Prentiss – we have two teams working on this- he won't get near her again, Carolina's going to be Ok, I promise you that even if I can promise nothing else."_ J.J assured her. "Now please, put her on the phone – just for a minute, the car is already on its way and then we'll get her to the airport." She continued.

* * *

><p>Elizabeth re- entered the room holding out the phone to her with a reluctant sigh.<p>

"Joy Ok, her name is Joy." Elizabeth told her as she went back to the chair and opened up the bag that was resting on it. She tried not to listen in to the conversation as she took out some clothes for her daughter to change into.

"_Carolina?"_ J.J asked, trying not to let her know how relieved she was that she was alive.

"Joy it's good to hear your voice." Emily told her, recognising J.J's voice and wanting to cry.

_"You too honey – how are you?"_ J.J asked.

"Good I think. A little groggy and confused but Ok." She sighed.

_"That's good news. Now listen to me, we have to get you out of there - so listen to your mother Ok, she knows the plan."_ J.J told her.

"Always with a plan huh?" Emily laughed.

_"You know me well."_ J.J replied.

"Joy ... How are the others?" Emily asked not sure if she was allowed to ask, she felt so guilty for doing this to the team, they were her friends and they thought that she was dead. Whilst she may have felt that this was true, she knew that she was alive - just.

_"They miss you like I do, but it's going to be Ok I promise, we'll get him."_ J.J promised.

"I want to come home." Emily sighed knowing he sounded like a little girl.

"_I know honey – one step at a time Ok? Now in the mean time how does a little time in Greece sound? You could be a Greek Goddess – take at least one of us with you huh?"_ J.J replied, smiling to herself as she tried to offer her friend some comfort.

"So Greece when do I leave?" Emily asked trying to muster some enthusiasm, but finding it difficult to move past the reference to Garcia.

_"Now, you leave now. Carolina listen to your mother Ok?"_ J.J asked appreciating the effort Emily was going to.

"Yes Ma'am." Emily replied playfully.

_"I mean it. Now listen to me – don't stay anywhere for too long like we discussed – keep moving and remember to use different names Ok?"_ J.J told her.

"I got it – God I wish this could be different." Emily sighed.

_"I know – we all do, but the others are working on it, I promise. I love you Ok – we all do and we're going to find him Ok?"_ J.J replied,offering her a similar assurance as she had offered the Ambassador.

"I know, I love you guys too." Emily replied.

_"Carolina – get rid of the phone Ok."_ J.J instructed and then she was gone and Emily had to wonder when she would hear her voice again.

* * *

><p>"Come on, time to get dressed." Elizabeth told her and she felt like a little girl again as her mother helped her to dress.<p>

"Uh Mom, shouldn't we wait for them to discharge me?" Emily asked as her mother lead her towards the door.

"There's no time – you've already been here too long, you're awake and whilst you clearly have to recover its better if you go now - get to the apartment in Greece and just try to get better - don't think about anything else, just try to stay alive." Elizabeth told her as they got into the car. She was proud of herself for keeping the desperation she felt out of her voice.

* * *

><p>As she helped Emily into the private jet she had to wonder if she wasn't pushing her sick daughter too far, she knew that she needed to rest but she also knew that she had to keep her safe and if she needed to bundle Emily into that plane then that was what she would do.<p>

"Mama could you do something for me?" Emily asked.

"Since when did you ever call me Mama?" Elizabeth replied with a small smile as she tucked a blanket around Emily's shoulders.

"Since right now, now will you do something for me?" Emily asked again, not understanding where this affection had come from.

"If I can." Elizabeth replied.

"When you get home can you go to the office? In my locker there should be a photo of the team – I'd like to have it." Emily told her and she saw the hesitancy in her eyes.

Instead of refusing Elizabeth decided to humour her daughter. If she could do just this one thing for her then she would feel like she had helped in a small way.

"I'll try Ok." Elizabeth told her.

"I love you too by the way." Emily replied.

"I know honey." Elizabeth told her.

* * *

><p>As she was about to get back out of the jet Elizabeth stopped leaning into whisper in her daughter's ear.<p>

"I won't be forever... Emily." She promised, before getting out and watching the jet take off with an overwhelming sense of sadness. Who knew if that was true?

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><p><strong>There it is – hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you want the next part. I've got lots of ideas for this one so watch this space. <strong>

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	2. Remember Who You Are

**Hey lovely people, so thanks for the reviews and alerts so far, I really appreciate them and am excited to really get started on this story!**

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its plots or characters; all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**Happy reading and feel free to let me know what you thought! : - )**

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><p><em><strong>Now...<strong>_

"_It won't be forever... Emily." _The last words of her mother three years ago and it felt like it had been a lifetime ago since she had heard that bout of emotion in the older woman's voice, it felt like forever since she had heard a voice she knew and loved. She didn't know whatever forever was, she realised no one ever could, but it had been _so _long... So long since she had lived in the real world where she didn't have to skip towns every few weeks and countries every few months, a world where people actually called her Emily and not Carolina, Sophia, Elaina, Stefanie or more recently Lucie...

"_Try to stay alive." _Yet another thing her mother had said and hadn't she been trying to keep that promise? In fact that was all she had been doing. She lived. That was all. She paid her rent, she busted tables in a little cafe to keep busy and she slept. In summary she pretended that living was enough. She pretended that going through the motions of a life was the same thing as breathing and actually _having_ a life. She felt like she hadn't breathed in three years and it hurt.

* * *

><p>As she walked down the stairs to the front door, she stopped and fumbled in her purse for... ah there it was, a battered well loved, overly viewed photograph of the team – the whole team, including Emily Prentiss. As she thought about this, she realised that she had started thinking about herself in the third person, as if Emily Prentiss was a person who <em>had<em> existed, but would never exist again. She berated herself for this, how could she expect to walk back into her life when she didn't even remember who she was? She felt a tear slide down her cheek as she ran her thumb gently over each one of her colleague's faces and she did not fail to notice that she lingered a second or two longer on the face of SSAIC Aaron Hotchner. What did that mean? Should she really be reading too much into this? It wasn't as if she was going to get the opportunity to see him anytime soon anyway. She had always been grateful to her mother for doing this one small thing for her. She wasn't even sure how she had managed it, after all it wasn't like her mother had been given her address in Greece so she could write or call when she felt like a chat, but again Emily had to check herself – she had to remember who her mother was – Elizabeth Prentiss – Ambassador, powerful politician and apparently, more recently, concerned mother. Of course she had found her. She remembered the day not long after she had started her convalescence in Greece when a brown envelope had been in her post box. At first, she had been afraid to open it, but after checking it out thoroughly she had realised that there was nothing dangerous about it. As she had opened it, she found first the photograph – taken in a bar in New York City, the girls each with a cosmopolitan and the guys all with beers – and a tiny piece of paper upon which the words '_Remember who you are' _and the tiniest kiss were written in her mother's neat, cursive script. Those words had always stayed with her but she wondered if she would ever truly remember who she was...

These self destructive thoughts possessed her mind as she locked up her quaint little Parisian apartment. As she walked down the street she caught a glimpse of her reflection in one of the shop windows she passed. She wasn't used to seeing herself now – she didn't even own a full length mirror and only used the square shaped one on the wall of the bathroom to straighten out her hair and makeup – Emily had never been big on mirror worshipping but she had been even less interested now. She didn't feel like herself and she knew she wouldn't look the way she remembered, the way she was supposed to.

She was shocked by her appearance. She was far slimmer than she had thought, her ribs were visible through her fitted white work blouse and that frightened her. When she had arrived in Europe she had been sure that she was going to put on hundreds of pounds eating the rich, fattening foods the countries of this continent had to offer, but in her not quite life she found her appetite to be severely diminished. Then of course, there were the superficial things - the pallor of her skin in the haze of the European weather and the length of her hair which she wore in a long braid... God did she ever wish she could just be Emily Prentiss again...

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><p>She spoke to no one as she hung her purse in the back room before donning her apron and heading towards the first table she would have to wait on this lunchtime. That was always the way- she spoke to no one unless she had to, sure she was polite but she never made an effort to make relationships with people – she always worked to the assumption that she was going back, to her real life, to Emily's life – she didn't like to admit that she hardly know how to be that strong, confident woman anymore. She simply couldn't give up on her life, it was the one thing that motivated her to follow J.J's advice – don't stay anywhere too long, use different names, stay alive. She had to, J.J's instructions and a conversation three years ago were all she had left to remind her that Emily Prentiss existed and that she deserved to live.<p>

That was why when she arrived in a new country she always had the address of her new apartment and a list of little league jobs in the area that she hadn't even done as a kid. She would use her extensive, sometimes too perfect range of modern foreign languages to get whichever job sounded like it provided her with a low key working identity which would pay the bills until she had to move to a new town or city and then she would start the process all over again. She wouldn't have worked a job like this ordinarily – she was an FBI agent and she missed her job like she had never imagined she would, but she needed to do something which allowed her to be around other people, it was the only way she could keep sane – plus this particular cafe showed CNN news (something displayed clearly in the window – a marketing tactic they thought would attract 'the big spending' American tourists) and that was the perfect way to keep tabs on any developments about... him...

She took her notepad from the shelf and headed to the table with a smile. She noted that the customer was the same American man she had met almost three years ago. She didn't like to make inferences about the significance of this, all she could do was trust that he would give her some much needed information when he saw fit, after all her own limited internet sessions were drawing up short - she was no _technical kitten _when it came to computers and she didn't have a lot of time it wasn't safe to spend too much time in cyber space - and she needed something . Initially when she had first encountered him, she had been terrified. She remembered the first time that she had seen him well – it had been on the Greek Island of Rhodes. After spending some time recovering at her address in Corfu, she had decided it was better to move locations quickly. The friendly old Greek couple – Stavros and Mena- who had rented her the apartment, were becoming too involved, she could see their concern and she couldn't risk staying in that place, much as she might have wanted to.

* * *

><p><em>Rhodes had been fine. She had visited historical sites – the old city and the new one, she had been to Greek temples and she had soaked up the Greek sunshine and it had been one day when she had stopped in a little Taverna for some Feta salad – one of the rare days she had actually been enthusiastic enough to try out local cuisine – when she had seen him. At first, he seemed like any other face in the crowd – after all Emily was used to watching people, studying their behaviour – it was the one part of her job which she was still able to practise. She might have been out of the game, but it didn't mean those old, little used muscles couldn't be flexed from time to time. He had been reading an American newspaper, that was the first thing she had noticed and whilst it might not have been odd – she knew certain stores stocked foreign newspapers – what struck her the most was the fact that the paper in question was <strong>The Washington Post<strong> – was that significant? Was this guy trying to send her a sign – 'I know who you are'. He had looked up then, making eye contact with her and her heart had beat so fast that she thought she was going to suffer cardiac arrest. This guy knew her and upon inspection of his face, she knew she recognised him too – she just couldn't place where from. That was bad. That meant he could be one of Doyle's guys that meant she could be in danger right now. She was freaking out as he folded his paper and got up, moving towards her. She had gone instinctively for the Glock she always carried with her but he had been standing by her table in two seconds flat and she realised that being out of practise had made her reactions slower. _

"_Wait. I come in peace." He whispered reaching suspiciously into his jacket and then she had felt like she was going to die for sure. He took something out of one of his pockets and placed it down on the table between them. _

_She looked down at it – a small rectangular business card and was washed with relief when she read it. _

_**Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss**__. Followed by an extension number for her private line._

_So that was where she recognised him from, he wasn't a face from Lauren's past with Ian Doyle, he was a face from Emily's childhood. _

"_You work for... um ...the Ambassador?" Emily asked tentatively, she had been about to say 'for my mother' but something had stopped her, she knew it probably wasn't a good idea to make that association in a public place, it put them both in danger. _

"_You don't remember me do you?" He laughed a little and she was pleased to hear an American accent, it almost felt like home. _

"_Um..." Emily replied, looking at his face more closely. He was handsome, that was the first thing she noticed – he had sandy blonde hair and blue eyes upon which he wore glasses and he had a beard. As she tried to make the connection, she was suddenly presented with a memory from her last year on one of her mother's assignments before college and then she knew why she was having trouble making the connection. When she had been eighteen he had not had a beard- she would have remembered a beard, she had kissed him often enough that summer to know that it hadn't been there then, God her mother could be so interfering sometimes, she ruined the best things in her life but she was glad he was here now. Yes she knew exactly who this was. _

"_Dominic?" She asked hesitantly, he really hadn't changed that much but she couldn't be sure. _

"_It's been a long time but I'm glad you recognise me in my old age." He replied warmly. _

"_What? You're not old!" Emily laughed and it sounded strange – in the two months she had been 'dead' she hadn't laughed once, there hadn't been anyone to laugh with and nothing to laugh at, her situation was pretty bleak. _

"_Well thank you, I see you've become more beautiful with time." Dominic told her with a smile. _

"_Always a charmer." She told him, blushing slightly at the male attnetion - it had been a really long time. _

"_So are you going to tell me your name or should I guess?" Dominic asked. _

"_I go by Sophia." She replied, if her mother had sent him he knew the score. _

"_Ok, so how have you been Sophia – feeling better?" He asked. _

"_Yes much – I just feel lonely." Emily conceded. _

"_I know it's hard but people are thinking of you." Dominic told her. _

"_How did you find me?" Emily asked._

"_It's probably best not to question the Ambassador's methods, you know you weren't even supposed to see me. I was sloppy today, I've been watching you since you arrived in Corfu and you spotted me today." Dominic told her and she sensed his fear of reprimand - her mother could be harsh, she knew that. _

"_What happens now? Will you be reassigned?" Emily asked nervously, was this her fault?_

"_No, I won't, Ambassador Prentiss thought it would be better for someone you sort of recognised to do the job, that way if something like this happened you wouldn't get too freaked out. She just wants you to know that you're not alone, that's she never stops trying to find ways to make this better for you, that's why I report to her frequently – She has a good heart." He told her. _

"_How is she?" Emily asked waiting in anticipation for the reply. _

"_She's Ok, she gets frustrated that she can't do more to help, that she can't bring you some justice. She's in the office – the BAU – everyday waiting for developments and sometimes the team gets a little suspicious which is obviously not what we want but she just wants you home." Dominic told her honestly. _

"_So the team aren't any closer to finiding him?" She asked him. _

"_Don't worry it'll happen, he'll make a mistake, they always do right? You know that." He evaded the direct question. _

"_I used to know that. I used to believe that, but now I'm not so sure." Emily told him in defeat. She knew it had only been a couple of months but still, the team were the best and if they couldn't find Doyle even with the help of Sam Cooper's team, there really wasn't that much hope for her. _

"_Hey, I don't want to hear you talking that way Ok? Ambassador Prentiss asked me to pass on a message to you, I've been trying to figure out a way to do it without blowing my cover but now it doesn't matter." Dominic replied, pausing for a moment. _

"_So what did she say?" Emily asked excitedly, it would be the first communication she had had with anyone from home since Rome. _

"_She told me to tell you to 'remember who you are.'" He told her, getting up from the seat he had taken and beginning to retreat into the crowd. _

"_Will I see you again?" She asked as she stood up craning her neck to keep eye contact with the man who had once been her lover, as she did so, she couldn't help noting the desperation in her voice. It reminded her how much she craved contact with people she knew and loved. _

"_Don't look for me – I'll come to you." He shouted from across the street and then he was gone... _

* * *

><p>"So Dominic what can I get you?" She asked in English, there was no point in pretending that she didn't recognise him and with him there was no point in hiding her identity, he knew who she was.<p>

"This cafe broadcasts CNN right?" He asked, avoiding her question pertaining to his preferences from the menu.

"Sure, we stream the live news feed right from the U.S.A." Emily replied, a little confusedly but slightly hopefully.

"Then I would like for you to go and turn it on and you might consider bringing some coffee for the table." He told her and watched as she abandoned the notepad and went for the television set.

* * *

><p>There were some mild protests from some of the regulars who had come here to drink coffee and watch a long running French Soap Opera but frankly she didn't care – Dominic was here for a reason and she wanted to know what it was. She turned her back for a moment, pouring out two cups of coffee – Americanos – she hadn't even thought to ask Dominic what he wanted. As she took the coffees to the table, surprisingly close to the television set, she heard something that would change her life forever.<p>

"Next CNN goes live to the Behavioural Analysis Unit at Quantico as America's most wanted fugitive Ian Doyle is killed..." The Barbie doll blonde newscaster announced and Emily almost collapsed...

* * *

><p><strong>Hehe... Leaving it on a cliff hanger for you what's going to happen when Emily hears the press conference? Guess you'll just have to wait and see. I know this chapter was a little on the short side but that is intentionally designed to build suspense for the next chapter which I will be working on a little later : - ) Would love to know what you thought... <strong>

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	3. Ghosts of Agents Past

**So I know the previous chapter has barely been posted for ten minutes, but I left it on a cliff hanger and I was too excited not to start writing right away. I hope you enjoyed the previous and will like this one too – this is where things start to get better for Carolina, Sophia... wait who are those women – Of course I meant Emily – things are going to get better for Emily – who has remembered who she is... So without further delay– it's time to have a spiritual experience with the ghost of an agent past... **

**My author's note remains the same: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its plots or characters and all recognisable plots will be clearly marked in italics. Feel free to let me know what you think of this chapter : - ) **

* * *

><p>"<em>Next CNN goes live to the Behavioural Analysis Unit at Quantico as America's most wanted fugitive Ian Doyle is killed..." The Barbie doll blonde newscaster announced and Emily almost collapsed... <em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Behavioural Analysis Unit Quantico – Present day...<strong>_

SSAIC Aaron Hotchner was feeling the pressure. He had done hundreds of press conferences, maybe even thousands in his years as the team leader, but never had he felt so nervous. Usually a conference was given to offer the public the profile of whichever serial killer they were working to catch or to announce success stories – arrested serial killers, returned children or surviving victims, that sort of thing. He was trying to convince himself that this was exactly the same – that this was the announcement of a success story for the BAU – they had caught America's most wanted fugitive and brought about justice for a friend after all, but in his eyes it was a case of too little too late.

Three years was an awfully long time for two teams of experienced profilers to be searching for a man like Doyle but he saw it as testimony to the advancement in the pyschopathy of the twisted, appalling excuse that was humanity. Sure he could pretend that someone like Doyle was on a different level to someone like him, but then the reason he found himself here right now was because something inside of him had snapped and yet again, he found himself discovering a somewhat automatic ability to kill. Although he killed for a very different reason to the individuals they studied, he was still a killer – he had still killed and both of the significant instances of the emergence of this dark part of himself had been in response to a severe moment of fraught emotion and consuming grief. He wondered what that said about him, but he knew it was a dangerous exercise to profile a profiler – he had warned the team against it so many times and yet here he was – analysing his every action to the overwhelming events of the previous night, when three years of searching, hard work and unbelievable grief had finally been rewarded by the fact that they had Doyle – he was theirs for the taking. That final kill shot- the reason he was here and the reason he had once again killed a man as part of his job, had been taken in response to the wilderness of the way he waved his gun at every member of the BAU screaming _"Where is that bitch Lauren, I know she's alive, where are you hiding her?" _and the feral look in his eyes which told every one of them that he was capable of inflicting massive damage in pursuit of a woman long dead and whilst this seemed to justify his actions he couldn't help but speculate at the significance of Doyle's death. The kill shot had been taken and whilst the team's adrenaline had been pumping with the thought of the revenge that had been enacted, there was also an increasing sense of sadness among them.

Doyle's death marked the end of their search and whilst every one of them would be able to sleep a little easier knowing that he could inflict no more suffering and that his son was safe, they were also aware that his death marked something else for the team too. The fact that they no longer had an excuse to bring up Emily's name every day or that they could no longer justify having a whole range of photographs of the brunette pinned to the case boards or that they could no longer delay the inevitable - the grieving process each one of them had put on hold after Emily's death. They had been too consumed with finding the man who had killed her to think about anything else and now that they had done that, they had accomplished the goal they had set out to achieve, there really was no way they could avoid the waves of grief which would consume them. The team would be together in this process but they would grow apart – just as they had started to do before they had received clearance to work this case as the subordinating team, with Cooper's usually 'B' team as the primary agents. Hotch didn't know how that would work out for them. They were a family, they were so closely involved that it probably wasn't professional and they needed each other to get through this and yet by their nature each and every team member would suffer in silence, because that was better than admitting that Emily wad gone forever...

Aaron didn't even know how to begin to address the turbulent time ahead. He knew he had to face up to the fact that Emily was gone, but could he really accept that she was dead? Did he believe that in his heart? Initially of course he had, they had been told that Emily had never made it off the operating table after Doyle had stabbed her and they had had no choice but to face up to the fact that she was dead. But Hotch had started to doubt this solidly empirical fact the more he talked to J.J. She seemed too calm about the death of her friend and it had been during a conversation about this very fact that she had said something to make Hotch wonder, just for a moment if there were things he didn't know about Emily's 'death'. He recalled it with astounding clarity:

"_You know J.J. I don't think we're ever going to find him, he's too good and he's been off the radar for so long – I don't know if this team can wait forever for the justice they need for... her." Hotch told the blonde woman who over the years, had become a good friend and confidant. _

"_It won't be forever Hotch... You know how these things work, we search, we draw up a blank and then suddenly they make a mistake and we've got them. Look at..." J.J trailed off, berating herself for her lack of sensitivity. Hotch still had not gotten over Haley and now he was dealing with a new kind of grief that had all the similar traits... _

"_Foyet?" Hotch murmured the name and tried not to think about the way Haley had looked, the fact that she had laid so limply in his arms as he tried desperately to bring her back to life. _

"_I'm sorry." J.J breathed. _

"_No you're right. In fact I've been thinking about the astounding similarities between... the cases... In both we didn't find the killer the first time and in both I... we suffered a personal loss... maybe that tells us something about this team..." Hotch became lost in thought as he voiced the similarities between the deaths of the two women he cared for most in the world. _

"_You know what it says to me? I know I'm not a profiler and I don't do what you do – but it tells me that we take out cases very seriously and yes we suffer for that but that also shows us that we – this team- is not just about the job like Cooper's is. We're a family and we always will be. So what if something like this proves that we're human? Since when is that a bad thing?" J.J asked. _

"_I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm saying that I feel like nothing I can do now will bring her back." Hotch told her. _

"_Would doubt have stopped you searching for Haley- would it have stopped you playing the Reaper's game? Would you really have let him get away Hotch, even if Haley had... even if she had been dead for a year like Emily?" J.J asked in mild frustration. _

"_With Emily things are different – she is... dead, we know this – with Haley there was always a chance... If I just kept playing there was always a chance..." Hotch murmured, the emotion becoming too much. _

"_Hotch Emily isn't different at all – the way you feel about her, it means that you'll never stop looking until you have avenged her death in the same way you did for Haley." J.J told him passionately, she had been aware of his feelings for Emily for some time – she wasn't sure if they extended to love, but they were far more potent than friendship or kinship – they were the feelings of a man for a woman and she knew in her heart of hearts that he wouldn't leave Emily now, he couldn't... _

"_J.J. the way I felt about Emily that was entirely different to the way I felt for Haley – She was colleague and Haley was my wife – there is difference. I just don't know if putting the team through the endless searching, the torment and the stress is justifiable..." Hotch replied. _

"_Don't try to deny the way you feel about her Hotch – it's Ok you know, it's what Haley would have wanted." J.J. told him frankly and whilst he didn't look comfortable, he didn't argue – victory to Agent Jareau. _

"_I wish there was something more I could have done for her – for both of them, losing Emily as well just feels like another knife in my heart and I can't bring her back to tell her that..." Hotch admitted. _

"_Hotch don't give up on her Ok? She needs you and the team to keep fighting for her – you have to be the reason that she has to stay alive." J.J told him. _

"_What do you mean by that?" Hotch asked. _

"_By what?" J.J asked, had she let something slip? Of course she had – this was Hotch she was talking to. _

"_You said 'the reason that she has to stay alive'. What did you mean?" Hotch asked, pressing her for detail. _

"_I guess I'm having a harder time accepting that she's gone than I thought – I meant you have to keep her memory alive, honour and respect it and that starts with finding Doyle- it's the only way she can come back." J.J replied quickly, she was losing her cool. _

"_Come back? J.J you're not making any sense, how can Emily come back?" He asked in confusion. _

"_Hotch, I really... I can't... it's not safe, for any of us. Listen to me – Remember her often, love her always and never give up on her Ok?" She begged before getting up and heading to the door of Hotch's office. _

"_J.J wait." Hotch called after her but she was already heading down the steps at the end of the catwalk. _

"_Find him Hotch – it's the only way." J.J shouted back to him and then she was gone. _

Hotch had of course had countless conversations with J.J in the two years following the strange one a year after Emily's death but he had never attempted to bring it up – he never asked exactly what the younger agent had meant – he was constantly haunted by the fear in her words _'it's not safe – for any of us'_ and he had respected that if it was enough of a deal to rile J.J then it was best not to mention it. Apart from the occasional look in her eyes that begged him to understand _something_ she had never said or done anything that had indicated that Emily was not dead, but still Hotch had hope – it was the only thing he did have...

* * *

><p>"Agent Hotchner?" Someone pulled him out of his reverie – an unfamiliar face brandishing some kind of makeup brush.<p>

"What are you doing?" He asked moving away from the woman with the brush.

"Uh sorry sir but camera says I need to touch your face up – something to do with lighting." The woman told him.

"Since when did I ever need makeup for a press conference?" Hotch asked in utter bemusement.

"This one _is_ kind of different sir – you're the hero of the hour." She replied, sweeping her brush across a protesting Hotch's face despite his reluctance.

"I'd hardly call it heroic – I was just doing my job." Hotch told her brusquely.

"Are you kidding? That's not what I heard, I hear you were a regulation superman out there." The makeup girl gushed excitedly.

"Superman's certainly an overstatement." Hotch told her with a stern look.

* * *

><p>"Oh no fearless leader of ours- you were better than superman you were amazing, you were wonderful <em>Head Hotcho<em>." Garcia told him from somewhere behind him.

She approached him, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze which she knew he would permit and he gave her one of his little Hotch half smiles.

"Now go on up there and let them see how amazing you are." Garcia told him with a smile and as he approached the podium he knew that this team would always keep Emily alive...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Paris... <strong>_

"Doyle is...?" Emily breathed in disbelief, she was barely able to comprehend this situation and she certainly couldn't feel the coffee which had spilled onto her hands. She shook with fear, uncertainty and disbelief.

"It's Ok..." Dominic trailed off as he searched for her name badge – at this point one couldn't be too careful.

"Lucie... It's Ok." He soothed as she stared at the screen her mouth agape.

At the moment the podium was empty and Emily could see the hundreds of press representatives ready to pounce on whoever would be giving the conference – Garcia? J.J? Hotch? God this was all her fault, if she had never been so reckless, if she hadn't gone off on her own this would have never happened – if she had just let him kill her for real this wouldn't have been happening...

The camera panned around the room and she could hear the vultures beginning to call – _we're hungry, feed us_ – and then she saw her, the first glimpse of a person she hadn't seen in three years... Penelope Garcia standing on the edge of the room biting her lip. There was a commotion and then the others filed into the room Morgan, Rossi, Reid, J.J and Seaver... She felt tears rolling down her face upon seeing them, God it was good to see them if only on the screen.

Suddenly contrary to the inactivity of the last five minutes, the room was filled with motion. Flashes were going off in every direction and then Aaron Hotchner walked up to the podium... She held her breath and tried to wipe her tears as she watched his severe features and trademark frown with anticipation. He was silent for a moment before he started to talk.

"This conference has been called because it is viewed to be in the public interest to know some of the circumstances surrounding Ian Doyle's death." He announced.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Quantico... <strong>_

Questions were flying at him in all directions and he didn't know where to start. Never had a press conference been so intense, but then never had they been so involved in a case before.

Flashes were blinding him and he was struggling to concentrate on the task at hand. He looked back at the team in bewilderment and they smiled encouragingly at him but he just couldn't tried to focus and field the questions but he just felt like running, thinking about Emily was just too painful. He was just about to turn away when he felt a presence beside him – J.J- Media liaison extraordinaire, back where she belonged – and he knew he would be Ok.

"Agent Hotchner- will take one question at a time, he is prepared to answer all questions but he needs time to process what you're asking. Please consider that this is a time of high stress for all the agents on this team." J.J told them in a commanding tone and the media died down.

They started raising their hands like obedient children and Hotch turned to his friend with a smile..

"I'll field you answer – deal?" She whispered.

"Deal." He agreed.

J.J signalled for a journalist near the front to ask his question and Hotch tried to focus.

"So Agent Hotchner – what happened last night?" He asked and Hotch had to really think about what he could tell them.

* * *

><p><em>Ian Doyle had finally messed up. Everything had happened so fast, after months of not even hearing a thing – a reported sighting, an activity that sounded remotely connected to him, their tip line had been called. <em>

_Garcia had triangulated the call, pin pointing the location of the caller before recording the call. _

"_You wanna know where Doyle is right?" A voice had asked. _

" _This Agent Aaron Hotchner. Do you know something?" Hotch had asked gruffly. _

"_Hillbrook Hotel room 101, West Bank Street, D.C. – he's close, real close huh? and armed... he has a lot of weapons..." The voice spoke again. _

"_What kind of weapons? How do you know this?" Hotch asked again, keep him talking and test his story. _

"_You really don't know who or what you're dealing with do you? Just trust me Ok Aaron, find him – it's the only way." The voice replied, avoiding the question. Hotch looked over at J.J who grimaced at the familiarity of the words. Who was this guy?_

"_If we find him, we're going to want to know who gave us the information that lead to his arrest, who am I talking to?" Hotch asked, knowing he was pushing it too far. _

"_I'm... A friend of Emily Prentiss." The voice told him and then the line went dead... _

* * *

><p><em>Hotch couldn't take this information lightly. It was the first lead they had had in... It was the first lead they had had and he wasn't going to mess this up. Immediately after getting off the phone with the informant he had placed a call to Cooper's team and were all in the Yukons on the way to the Hillbrook Hotel. Surely Doyle wouldn't have come here – it was probably a wild goose chase, but he just couldn't live with himself if he didn't check it out. <em>

"_Hotch?" J.J asked. _

"_Yes?" He asked a question back. _

"_You think we'll find him?" She asked knowing that Hotch did not have that answer. _

"_You told me not to give up on her J.J and I've never let you down so far – I have to find him, it's the only way right? Two people have told me that now – one the wisest person I know and the other 'a friend of Emily Prentiss' – It has to mean something right?" He asked keeping his eyes on the road. _

"_Yeah I guess you're right." J.J told him, fidgeting with her F.B.I vest, _

* * *

><p>"<em>Thank you for being here Sam." Hotch told him as they squared up to the hotel. <em>

"_I should be saying that to you Aaron." Sam replied, noting how the roles of primary and subordinating teams had so easily been reversed. _

"_So are we doing this?" Morgan interjected breaking up the classic alpha male situation he saw approaching. _

"_Let's do it." Rossi spoke close behind Hotch. _

"_For Emily." Reid told them, taking his gun out of the holster and eyeing the building with determination. _

"_For Emily." They all agreed heading towards the building. _

* * *

><p>"Did you find out who the mystery caller was?" Someone asked.<p>

"No we're still working on that, but whoever it was they're the real hero, without them Doyle would not be dead, he'd still be a threat to public safety – so whoever you are – this team thanks you." Hotch addressed the anonymous caller directly.

"So what happened after you arrived at the hotel?" Another wanted to know, already bored of the details concerning the informant.

"We cleared the room – turns out someone tipped Doyle off – I can't go into details of course but we ended up on the rooftop of the hotel..." Hotch continued...

"Agent Hotchner what happened next?" A young journalist shouted from somewhere in the crowd.

"Well..." Hotch began...

* * *

><p>"<em>Hotch what are you crazy? Rawson's got this one!" Sam bellowed but nothing was getting through to him, he was like a man possessed. <em>

"_Where is that bitch Lauren, I know she's alive, where are you hiding her?" Doyle shouted for the hundredth time that night. _

"_Last chance Doyle put the gun down!" Morgan shouted, they had been trying to keep his distracted until Mick was in position and now that he had the shot it was only a matter of provocation, which there was plenty of. At current his gun was trained on J.J like he knew, deep down that she was responsible for hiding 'Lauren,' at least that's how it felt to her. _

"_Ian... Please put down the gun – Lauren is dead – you killed her, she's gone." J.J begged, hoping that it would be enough to make him see sense. _

"_Bitch! Don't say her name – you know nothing about her scheming, that bitch is the reason why I don't know where my son is..." Doyle practically screamed and just for a moment he appeared human. _

"_I know Ian, I know what Lauren did was wrong..." J.J tried to empathise but she felt sick, still this was what she was good at, talking down the psychopaths they dealt with. _

* * *

><p><em>Doyle looked around at the two teams. All of them had their guns trained him and he suddenly realised that contrary to his own opinion he was the one who was cornered, even his weapon was overwhelmed by theirs. It was then that he realised that there was only one way to control this, the way he had with Lauren... <em>

_He released the safety on his gun pointing it back at J.J. _

"_I killed Lauren and I will kill her too!" He screamed, changing tact – he didn't believe for a second that she was dead but if it got him out of this situation then so much the better. _

_J.J squeezed her eyes shut, trembling as she came face to face with the barrel of his gun. She was going to die, that was going to happen and she was never going to get to help Emily come home... _

"_I'm sorry Emily." She whispered into the wind as she fixed her mind upon Will and Henry – if she was going to die they would be the last thing she would think of._

* * *

><p><em>It all happened so quickly, Mick was just about to take the shot when he had to divert his weapon for fear of killing a fellow agent. <em>

"_Hotch get back – Rawson's got the shot!" Rossi bellowed – often he was the only one to get through to his friend but this time even he couldn't talk the other man down. _

"_Not this time – He won't take another member of this team." Hotch replied as he raised his weapon and walked towards Doyle. Right now he wasn't thinking about his own life, he wasn't even thinking about Jack – he thought only of Haley, J.J and Emily... _

"_You won't hurt anyone else Doyle – you can't hurt this team anymore." Hotch said disengaging the safety and taking the shot. _

_Doyle slumped to the floor in a heap. The gun he held clattered to the floor and Hotch kicked it clear immediately, rolling his body over and checking his vitals – He was dead, a shot to the temple was all it had taken to rid the world of Emily's nemesis. _

* * *

><p><em>J.J let out a heaving sigh of relief as she realised she wasn't dead. A tear ran down her face and she had to wonder why she did this job day in day out, then she looked at the members of the team and she understood why – Will was her partner and Henry was her son but these people were her brothers and her sisters. <em>

"_For you Emily." She said out loud. _

"_No J.J – for you, this was just for you." Hotch told her pulling her into a rough hug. _

"_Hotch you don't understand – you didn't forget her, you kept trying and you found him." J.J told him giving her a squeeze. _

"_I know, we got her some justice- it's all we could do." He replied, not sure where all this insistence on Emily was coming from, J.J had almost died tonight after all. _

"_No you don't understand, you did something amazing tonight, you gave her back her life... Emily is..."_

* * *

><p>He looked at J.J. quickly as he recalled the memory and she averted her eyes, exactly what was going on? What was he not being told?<p>

"Agent Hotchner what are you saying – how exactly did Doyle die?" Someone asked to clarify the point.

"Doyle was posing a direct threat to the lives of those on the team, most particularly Agent Jennifer Jareau and I had to do something. Whilst Agent Mick Rawson had a shot, I felt that it was safer for me to take the shot from the ground so as not jeopardise Agent Jareau's life or those of the other agents... In short, I think it's pertinent to say that America is much safer now thanks to the efforts of the teams involved. I must give personal thanks to Sam Cooper and his team and also to the wonderful agents I lead." Hotch told them and it was nearly all true. Never mind that in the end he had felt justice was only served if he took the shot...

"Ok, so I think one last question." J.J told them, proud of what Hotch had accomplished.

A journalist with a short crop of red hair raised her hand and J.J signalled for her to ask the question.

"Agent Hotchner is there anything you would like to say to Ambassador Prentiss? We know of course her daughter Agent Emily Prentiss was a member of your team, a close friend it's safe to say. What words of comfort do you wish to offer her?" She asked.

"I would say thank you to Ambassador Prentiss – for being persistent enough to ensure that this team did its very best to find her daughter's killer. I would also say that we will never forget Emily and her mother can rest assured that we will continue to remember her fondly. To Emily herself, if she's watching – I would say that she will always be thought of fondly and that she is finally safe..." He trailed off looking straight down the camera as if he could see her, all the while wondering if there was even a slim chance that she could be alive... A picture of Emily suddenly filled the projector behind him and he couldn't help but turn to look at her... God she was beautiful... He felt like her ghost really was in the room, he feel her eyes boring into his soul and the slight smile she wore in the picture seemed to light up the room. Little did he know that Emily was watching intently over in Paris...

"Uh surely you mean_ if_ she were watching, Agent Prentiss _is_ dead right? Unless we're talking to ghosts here?" The same journalist asked in confusion.

"Of course, I meant if – I meant only to suggest that Agent Prentiss can finally rest in peace now." Hotch replied coldly.

"Thank you for your time ladies and gentleman but that is all the comment Agent Hotchner is at liberty to pass." J.J told them and a few of them started to file out. Some them, the die harders called after them but Hotch had long since left the podium, all that remained now was the mysterious final comment he had made...

* * *

><p><em><strong>Paris... <strong>_

Emily was stunned. After hearing the story of Ian's death she hardly dared to believe it. It couldn't really be over could it? She had always hoped but she guessed that this would always be her life – skipping countries, living in fear, changing her name – in fact she couldn't even definitely say that she knew how to just recommence the life of Emily Prentiss the FBI agent with the flashy apartment and an actual cell phone and a cat... Oh God what had happened to Sergio?

"My cat..." Emily breathed and Dominic, the silent observer of Emily's reactions had to laugh. Of all the things she could have said about Doyle and about the team and she had chosen to ask about her cat.

"Your mother has him." Dominic replied after recovering enough to articulate a sentence.

"Poor Serge, mother hates cats..." Emily giggled slightly.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you're Ok with this? Has it sunk in yet?" Dominic asked, concerned that she hadn't even acknowledged that she was finally safe.<p>

"So wait... Hotch killed Doyle? Are the team Ok? Am I free?" Emily asked three questions at once, the realisation of what she had heard was just starting to hit her.

"Yes Agent Hotchner took the 'kill shot' and well you saw the team, they're a little shaken, probably not sure what this all means in terms of the grieving process they have to go through- not that I can see that posing too much of problem from on, but they're Ok and yes you're safe now, you're free to return to your home." Dominic told her.

"I can go home? But what about Doyle's associates, surely they're still out there?" Emily asked pragmatically there was no point in raising her hopes for them only to be dashed again.

"You really think that after three years Doyle had any associates left? He was America's most wanted man – even criminals aren't stupid, you know that. You're safe, I promise." He told her.

"I can really go home?" Emily asked, tears already rolling down her face.

"That's why I'm here – I told you as long as you didn't look for me you'd be Ok and now I've come to escort you back to America, back to your life, but before we leave I believe there's someone who wanted to talk to you." Dominic told her taking out his cell phone and keying in a speed dial combination before passing her the handset.

"Go ahead." He told her before getting up to settle the bill for the coffee – most of which had been spilled – with the owner of the cafe.

* * *

><p>The phone rang a few times before the call was connected and Emily held her breath, who was going to be on the end of the phone? She wasn't sure and she still couldn't believe the turn of events. Was she truly going to leave this life behind?<p>

All of these thoughts ran quickly through her mind as she waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up. She didn't have to wait too much longer before an all too familiar voice filled her ear.

* * *

><p>"<em>Emily?" <em>Elizabeth asked uncertainly, it was Dominic's number but she had arranged for him to have her daughter call after the press conference, it should be her, uless she had taken the news badly.

"Mom." Emily breathed out, a feeling of contentment filling her as she heard the comforting tone of her mother's voice.

"_Emily, are you alright sweetheart? Dominic keeps telling me that you seem fine but I need to hear it from you."_ Elizabeth asked, desperate to hear those words from her daughter.

"Mom I'm fine – It's been a long time, but I'm Ok. Is it true?" She replied afraid to believe it until Elizabeth could confirm it.

"_You heard it straight from Agent Hotchner didn't you? I have never known Aaron to lie – plus I went to... I made sure that he was dead. He can't hurt you anymore darling I promise."_ Elizabeth told her and Emily had to stifle a laugh as she imagined her mother pulling the Ambassador card at the morgue – just to check that Doyle was dead.

"So can I come home now?" Emily asked knowing that her mother would be the person with the knowledge pertaining to this particular issue.

"_That is still what you want isn't it Emily_?" Elizabeth asked sensing uncertainty in her daughter's tone.

"Of course, I just wasn't sure that I'd be allowed to, I mean technically I _am_ dead." Emily replied voicing her situation for the first time in three years.

"_Oh no honey, you see that's where you're wrong. You might be dead in terms of what the team knows and the story that was fed to those vultures in the media, but on all official documentation you're simply 'missing in action' – if you come back that problem goes like I promised you, it wouldn't be forever."_ Elizabeth replied with a small laugh at her own brilliance.

"You continue to amaze me mother, how will I ever thank you for what you've done?" Emily asked.

"_Emily you don't need to thank me, I'm your mother and I consider it to be one of my responsibilities in that role to keep you alive... But I suppose if you were feeling in a particularly thankful mood you might consider joining me for dinner when you get home."_ Elizabeth suggested hopefully.

"My treat this time?" Emily asked resurrecting the first playful conversation they had had in years.

"_We'll see."_ Elizabeth conceded, she was a proud woman and in her opinion a parent should pay for things like dinner.

"Mom when can I come home?" Emily asked, now that she could get out of here she was impatient to be back in America.

"_Well that's just it Emily, Dominic has your passport – your real one – and I have been wondering why exactly you're not on the jet right now..."_ Elizabeth joked and it took Emily a moment to register the information she had been given.

"There's a jet here already?" Emily asked astonished at her mother's organisation.

"_Of course, so go get on it and come home to me_." Elizabeth instructed and Emily felt like jumping for joy – this was finally happening.

"Yes Ma'am." She replied, looking up at Dominic as he waited for her by the door. She knew they would have to stop by Lucie's apartment to pick up her belongings and leave a note to the latest landlords she was going to desert, but she was going home...

"_I love you sweetheart, I'm so glad you're safe."_ Elizabeth sighed out her relief.

"Hey I promised didn't I?" She laughed and she knew her Mom was serious about this.

"I love you too by the way and I'll see you soon." Emily told her.

"_I look forward to it Emily_." Elizabeth replied and then she was gone...

* * *

><p>As Emily hastily threw her belongings into a suitcase and scrawled a quick note of apology, securing it to the refrigerator along with a few hundred Euros she felt like she couldn't go fast enough...<p>

"Hey slow down Emily, we have time." Dominic laughed as he noticed his meticulous folding of her clothes was going to waste – she just threw them into the suitcase any way she saw fit and that seemed to be no particular way at all – as long as it was fast.

"No Dominic we don't I have to breathe again – I don't want to be a ghost from the team's past I want to be a part of its future." Emily told him excitedly as she inspected her real passport for the hundredth time.

**Emily Prentiss, country of birth: U.S.A. **

She was ready for this, she could do this. Emily Prentiss knew that she would only have to hold her breath for a few more hours and then she would be alive again...

* * *

><p><strong>There you go, sorry I couldn't post this last night – I got a little carried away and had to just go with it. I hope this provides satisfaction to the cliff hanger and that you enjoyed reading it – would love to know what you thought... Let me know if you want to read the next chapter... How is Emily going to deal with being back on American soil? Guess you'll have to wait and see. More soon, I promise.<strong>

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	4. No More Tears In Quantico

**Hey, thank you so much for all your lovely reviews and interest in this story – it means so much to me and I just wanted to let all the subscribers and alerters know that I am sending you big love along with all the reviewers... **

**So... I hope you realise that I am now cheating on my Morgan and Garcia story to write this and I will have some very angry people emailing me but I can't stop thinking about this. Plus **_**Vampiremuggle**_** (sorry I don't know your name!) sent me a lovely little review asking for the next chapter – so this is for you – hopefully I'm in time, but if not it'll still be here when you get back - I hope you enjoy!**

**One quick note about this chapter's title – it is adapted from the song title **_**Tears in Heaven **_**by Eric Clapton– so credit where it's due... **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. Feel free to let me know what you thought, reviews make smile... **

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><p><em><strong>Washington D.C, present day... <strong>_

The plane touched down and Emily Prentiss felt like an excitable little child as she looked out of the window and recognised the familiarity of the American runway in the early evening sunshine. As soon as the seatbelt sign disappeared from the overhead panel, Emily was unbuckled, up and running towards the steps of the aircraft. She seemed to forget her travelling companion in her overwhelming moment of need – she _had_ to put her feet on American soil, it was the only way she could make this real again. She bounded down the steps and planted her feet firmly on the ground standing blissfully still and letting the rays of the sun warm her skin and the smell of home – an indescribable scent that was just America fill her senses and comfort her immensely. This was Heaven, this was perfection...

"Welcome home Emily." Dominic smiled coming to stand next to her, making sure she was in his sights. He had gotten her this far, he would be damned if he was about to lose her on home turf.

"Thanks, it's so good to be back." Emily smiled as she began to follow the rest of the passengers towards the baggage department to collect the lone suitcase of belongings from her broken life, it was the last time she was ever going to have to think about her 'lives' as separate – from now on she would have one life – her real life.

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><p>Dominic lifted her suitcase off the conveyor belt and they moved to have their passports checked. Emily held her breath as an official checked hers – was he going to dispute her identity, would he recognise that she was coming back from the dead?<p>

"Relax." Dominic whispered with a smile as the official glanced briefly at the photograph and then back to her face before waving her through. There had been no code red alarms, no armed officers, no one bundling her off to an undisclosed location - she had been allowed through to arrivals like any other passenger.

"I'm sorry – I'm just expecting someone to recognise me and to tell me that I can't come back, I guess it doesn't seem like it's possible." Emily apologised as they moved through the arrivals gate and ended up in the main airport.

"Well now you know – no one is going to question you – your mother made sure of that, there's no media here, they won't hound you, all you have to do is start living your life and not being so afraid that something's going to go wrong. He's gone and you're still here so don't let him win, don't let him take your life this way Ok?" Dominic reassured her.

"I won't, I guess it's just sort of surreal being back here after all this time, I feel like I've missed out on so much." Emily sighed.

"Hey you've been in Europe – not Planet Z, you don't have to worry about missing out on stuff – nothing revolutionary has happened I promise." Dominic laughed.

"What no _Facebook_ 2? I'm disappointed!" Emily quipped.

"Not yet – but I imagine it won't be far off." Dominic played along as they exited the airport.

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><p>On the way to the empty parked Sedan that had been prearranged by Ambassador Prentiss for their arrival back home, Emily's eyes locked onto something across the street and she just had to follow up the urge that suddenly filled her.<p>

"You know what I wanna do right now? I wanna go over there and buy one of those big fat greasy cheeseburgers from that vendor." She told him, pointing out a little stall across the street.

"Actually Emily, we have a schedule...We're supposed to be..." She cut him off before he could finish.

"I don't care where we're supposed to be, five minutes won't hurt – I am done living life to a schedule – a few weeks here, a few weeks there, a new country every other month. I am so done." Emily announced, shaking her head as if it could help her shake off the memory of life as a million people...

"I'm home and I want a cheeseburger to mark the occasion, so are you going to join me in deep fried food Heaven or not?" She challenged, already striding towards the stall.

"Are you aware of the massive stereotype you just messed with?" Dominic asked as he ran to catch her up, Jeez, this woman was fast.

"Dominic maybe you've forgotten, but I came back from the dead today – I'm hardly the person to talk to about political correctness." She replied sardonically already ordering two burgers.

She reached into her purse for some money finding only a few remaining Euros and a European cent or two.

"Ugh! I really need to do something about that..." Emily spoke out loud – she hadn't even thought about _how_ she was going to return to her life, she just knew that it was happening.

"Here, I've got this one." He replied taking out a ten dollar bill and passing it to the vendor.

"Dominic, you don't have to..." Emily told him, accepting the burger despite herself.

"Hey no worries, its one burger besides once you get yourself settled you can owe me." Dominic smiled knowing that Ambassador Prentiss would probably have him reassigned almost immediately.

"Oh really and how do you suggest I do that? It appears I am – for lack of a better term – broke." Emily quizzed not missing the suggestion in his reply.

"Oh Emily, you continue to forget who your mother is. The Ambassador froze all of your assets – your money, your apartment even your car – so that your accounts still accrued interest in your absence, your apartment has avoided being re- leased and your car is currently residing in your building's parking lot under lock and key. Your mother is bringing along the papers which will unfreeze your life, all you have to do is sign on the dotted line and you're Emily Prentiss all over again – not that you weren't always." He conceded informing her of her mother's work to preserve her identity. She had really never given up on her...

"My mother has really outdone herself this time." Emily commented as she walked alongside Dominic revelling in the delicious culinary delight of the cheeseburger she ate.

"Speaking of your mother... We have some place to be and it'd be more than my job is worth not to get you there on time, so if you don't mind can you please get in the car?" Dominic begged.

"Since you asked so nicely..." Emily smiled cattishly, discarding the napkin she had been holding in a nearby trash can before getting into the car.

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><p>Emily took a deep breath before following Dominic inside the coffee shop just down the street from her apartment. She was so close to her home and yet she knew it was only polite to follow her mother's schedule. She was so nervous; she didn't know how to behave around her mother. Their last encounter had hardly been the regulation Emily  Elizabeth relationship and so much had changed between them but still there was that awkwardness there – they were still them after all and all that history couldn't simply be forgotten - could it?

"So do you want a coffee or something?" Dominic asked and Emily shook her head.

"Come on, it'll take the edge off – besides I figure you'll be owing me a dinner at least by the time this afternoon is over." He winked and she laughed, this was the man she had become so besotted with at the tender age of eighteen and she was glad he wasn't mentioning all the bad stuff – like how on Earth she was supposed to face her friends on the team after all this time...

"Hmm give a girl a chance – but I have to ask, does this generous offer extend to a latte _and_ a vanilla muffin with chocolate frosting?" She asked eyeing the sweet treat hungrily – she suddenly felt ravenous like she hadn't eaten in years – in some ways she guessed _she_ hadn't, she'd been eating as someone else, not really tasting any of the food which passed her lips.

"I don't know, are you going to take me to dinner?" Dominic teased.

"How about pizza and a beer at my place when I get settled?" Emily asked remembering that this had been their meal of choice after a secret love tryst in the gardens of her mother's house...

"Ooh reliving the student days, dangerous but appealing – you've got yourself a deal." He laughed as he ordered two lattes and two muffins.

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><p>"You know I'm sorry about everything that happened." Emily told him after a while, nervously breaking off bits of muffin and pushing them around the plate.<p>

"Hey, it was a long time ago and your mother was doing what any parent would have done, it was my fault and I got what I deserved." Dominic replied evenly, not a sign of bitterness at all.

"I remember being pretty complicit... the way my mother treated you, she had no right to do that, I knew what I was doing, I knew a relationship with the people who worked for her was off limits and I did it anyway, I put you in that position and I'm sorry." Emily replied, needing to apologise for the way her mother had treated him after their short affair had been exposed.

"Hey kiddo it wasn't all your fault, I should have been more responsible." He told her.

"I was _not_ a kid then and I am certainly not a kid now!" Emily retorted grumpily, had he really thought so little of her? Had she been just a kid to him?

"Oh Emily I know that, but you have to remember you _are_ her child and you have to forgive her – she deserves that much, there are things that she's done for you, sacrifices she's made that you will never begin to understand, so forgive her and treat this like a second chance Ok?" Dominic asked.

"I don't even know what to say, how to behave – with my mother things were never... easy." Emily told him quietly.

"Well Emily... Hello usually works just fine." He told her, spotting Elizabeth's approach - right on time- and getting up out of his seat to greet the Ambassador.

Emily was mildly amused by his suddenly odd behaviour but then she heard footfalls behind her, recognising the statement clack of her mother's Laboutins and she prepared to see the first overtly familiar face in three years...

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><p>She got up twisting around and her mother practically ran the last few steps to the table dropping the manila folder she was carrying along with her Prada work bag and throwing her arms around the slender form of her daughter.<p>

"Emily." Elizabeth breathed and she felt the signs of tears prickling in her eyes.

After a moment's discomfort at this open display of affection Emily let her body relax and she wrapped her arms around her mother, holding her close. Although she hadn't planned on it, she was crying – for sheer joy at her reunion with her mother. She drew in a deep breath as she inhaled the scent of her mother's peppermint shampoo mixed with the heavy and intoxicating perfume she wore – _Chanel No. 5- _Peppermint and perfume, a combination that despite her efforts not to, she recalled from the sporadically infrequent occasions she was able to remember when she had been awake long after going to bed and her mother had crept into her bedroom and placed a small kiss to her forehead. God it was so good to be here with her again.

"I've missed you Mom." She whispered abandoning Dominic's advice of 'hello' and going with her gut reaction.

"I missed you too Emily every day, you have no idea how worried I've been, I'm just so glad you're home safely." Elizabeth told her still refusing to let her go.

"Hey that's all thanks to you and Dominic of course – I have a feeling he was always watching out for me, even when I didn't know it." Emily replied drawing back and smiling at her friend – it was the least she could do by way of making amends.

"Yes well thank you Dominic – for not letting your personal feelings influence you on this assignment and for keeping my daughter safe." Elizabeth smiled tightly at the other man, trying not to recall the image of him and her daughter in a very compromising position.

"My pleasure Ambassador Prentiss – anything I could do to keep Emily – Miss Prentiss safe." Dominic stumbled a little over his words.

"Yes well it was appreciated and now you'll take up the assignment in Cairo like we discussed?" Elizabeth asked coolly – She may have softened towards her daughter but she was certainly not going to allow Dominic Taylor to be a distraction for Emily who needed to concentrate on restarting her life – as it had been before this whole thing – _without_ Dominic.

"Yes Ma'am." He replied, shrugging on his jacket with an apologetic glance at Emily.

"What? No! Dominic is the only reason why I didn't go completely crazy, he kept me safe and you're going to send him away because of something that happened years ago? No please mother..." Emily begged.

Elizabeth made to answer, but Dominic jumped in before she could.

"Come on _kiddo _you know the score – I go where the Ambassador needs me - that's the deal, it's like you with the BAU – much as you might want to stay here, only work local cases – you know that it's just part of your job – this has nothing to do with... anything that happened before. It was really good to see you though and I'm glad that you're home safely." Dominic told her stepping between the Ambassador, who took her cue and sat down, and Emily.

"Thank you for everything Dominic, I appreciate it more than you could ever know." Emily told him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Rain check on the pizza then huh?" He asked playfully.

"I'll hold you to it." She told him drawing back.

"Oh I know – you're as stubborn as your mother." He whispered only to her.

"Don't ever let her hear you say that." Emily giggled.

"Well goodbye Emily Prentiss – welcome back to your life – now live it." He replied.

"Goodbye Dominic – until we meet again." Emily sighed.

"Until then." He smiled and he didn't stop her as she leaned in and pressed a small kiss to his lips. He pulled away before it got too intense - this woman inspired so many feelings in him that it drove him crazy, he had to go now before Ambassador Prentiss had him killed...

She was just coming to terms with the fact that as she was beginning her life someone was leaving her when she realised that he was already gone...

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><p>"Emily are you Ok honey?" Elizabeth asked concernedly, she knew Emily would probably hate her now but there were some things a mother had to do regardless of the emotional reaction of her children.<p>

"Sure, I _do_ understand you know – you might have a funny way of showing it but I know that you're just trying to protect me Mom. I don't want us to go back to the way things were before. This can be a new start, it'll be hard, it's us after all but we can do it because I don't ever want to feel so alone again." She replied, feeling in a conciliatory mood – her mother had been instrumental in her return after all.

"You were never alone Emily, I was always thinking of you and there are people here that never forgot you – that's why you're home now." Elizabeth told her.

"Thanks Mom, you don't understand what that means to me." Emily told her squeezing her hand.

"Well you're home safe now, so what do you say we take a look at these papers? They're the only thing between you and the rest of your life and they just need a signature." Elizabeth prompted opening the manila folder and taking out the relevant paperwork.

"You know you're pretty amazing Mom, I never appreciated what you do in your job. All I ever saw was the politics and the lack of time I got to spend with you but now I understand." Emily told her as she looked over the papers, noticing that her whole life was laid out in front of her and it was hers for the taking.

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><p>Elizabeth reached into her work bag and rummaged around until she found an ink pen.<p>

"Come on Emily honey, sign the papers hmm?" Elizabeth encouraged and she found she had to physically place the pen in her daughter's hand.

"I don't know if I can do this, people don't just walk back into their lives – you die and you stay dead." Emily told her putting the pen down forcefully.

"Emily Prentiss you listen to me,_ you _did not die Ok? Sure, not everybody gets a second chance at their perfect life – but my daughter does because you've got an amazing set of people around you and they love you more than you could ever know – so even if you don't sign those papers for you, at least sign them for your friends because they deserve to know that their hard work was not for nothing, they deserve the chance to stop crying because they've been crying for you a long time. So pick up that pen." Elizabeth told her.

Emily began to cry. Hadn't this been what she wanted? Hadn't she waited three years for this? Was she really going to be that selfish? She owed the team an explanation at least.

She picked up the pen and took off the lid. She took a deep breath and held the pen to the paper scribbling her signature in her small script and printing name for the first time _Emily Prentiss. _Oh that felt so good...

"There you see, you still know how to do what your mother tells you." Elizabeth smiled putting the papers back into her bag. Emily said nothing but as she thought about what her mother had said she realised that in some ways for the past three years, the only thing that had kept her going was a set of instructions given mostly by her mother.

"Now what else can your mother do to help?" Elizabeth asked, she wanted to make sure that Emily had everything she needed.

"Mom you've done enough already..." Emily trailed off.

"But?" Elizabeth asked sensing the uncertainty.

"Do you think I'll ever get my job back? Only my life _is_ my job... or at least it used to be." Emily asked dreamily.

"Now you know I don't have influence over _that woman _– Erin Strauss, try as I might to overpower her – you know, pull the Ambassador card, it turns out that she is more of a battleaxe than me." Elizabeth laughed and she saw the sadness in Emily's eyes.

"Hey when have you ever known me not to have a way around the loop hole? Turns out _I _may not have influence over Erin but I do know someone who does... Ah and here they are now..."Elizabeth told her as she saw unit chief Erin Strauss approaching and she could just make the frame of the one person had perhaps done more than anyone for her daughter...

"They?" Emily asked as she turned to look.

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><p>Her eyes first fixed upon the stern face of Erin Strauss a woman usually so professionally fearsome but so unbelievably welcome to the eyes of a desperate, resurrected and unemployed FBI agent.<p>

"Agent Prentiss – good to see you looking so..." She seemed to be searching for the word so Emily supplied it for her.

"Alive?" She asked with a small laugh.

"Alive. Exactly." Strauss agreed, giving her a small pat on the arm by way of hello. It wasn't affectionate but it was something, more than Emily would have expected from her.

"So I believe I'm here to discuss your reintegration with the team – that is what you want?" She asked.

"Yes Ma'am more than anything." Emily replied.

"Well then – shall we?" Strauss signalled to the table and just as Emily was about to sit down she noticed that as the older woman moved aside someone else suddenly came into view.

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><p>"J.J?" Emily asked in disbelief, abandoning all sense of professionalism as she ran towards her blonde friend, practically knocking her off her feet.<p>

The two friends said nothing for a moment as they held onto each other – there was a time when neither of them had believed that this moment would ever come and they weren't about to waste it. Seeing J.J's face, smiling but tearful was just the best part of Emily's day so far and now she knew her mother had been right. This woman, her very good friend, had worked so hard to make sure she could come back to her life and she couldn't have thrown that back in her face. It was so good to see her...

"J.J how can I ever thank you for what you've done?" Emily asked pulling out of their hug.

"You know what? You already have by being here, by coming back – by trusting me." J.J told her trying to wipe her eyes.

"I thought I was never going to see you again..." Emily sobbed.

"Hey, hey it's Ok, you're home, you're safe and I'm here." J.J soothed, rubbing her friend's back in a comforting motion.

"God it's so good to see you, when I heard that Doyle... when I heard what happened to you – to the team – I swear my heart stopped... I couldn't believe that you would put yourself at risk for me." Emily told her.

"Hey we're a family right? We would do anything for each other, that's the deal and we just don't work without you. I promise that I am not leaving here without knowing that you're back on this team Ok?" J.J assured her.

"I missed you Agent Jareau." Emily smiled.

"I missed you too Agent Prentiss – but you're back now and it's going to be Ok." J.J replied as they sat down at the table.

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><p>"So Erin is there something we can do here?" Elizabeth asked drawing up to full height as she faced the woman she had always clashed with.<p>

"Well Elizabeth I think Agent Jareau answered that question already. Emily is part of the BAU family and as far as I'm concerned we stick with the story, we keep Emily out of the media and we run with the assumption that she was missing in action and has returned." Erin replied.

"What are you saying Ma'am?" Emily asked in confusion.

"Well Agent Prentiss if you're happy to come back to the team then I'm happy to have you – there is of course the small matter of Agent Hotchner but I'm sure you can think of a way to get around Aaron." Strauss replied with a small smile.

"Thank you Ma'am – thank you so much." Emily told her gratefully but she was experiencing a sinking feeling about this...

"So as long as Agent Hotchner approves this decision I'll see you Monday Ok – As far as I can see you're very much alive and should be fine to come back to work." Erin told her in her level voice, she may not have been a shrink but she was good judge of character... She shook each of their hands before leaving the coffee shop. Her job was done as far as she was concerned and she had managed to gain a little respect from Ambassador Prentiss in the process, as well as knowing Agent Jareau (someone who she now knew was an indispensable part of the team) happy, not bad for a day's work.

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><p>Emily was quiet and contemplative as she tried to process the information Strauss had given her. Sure, she was clear to go back to work but there was just the <em>small matter<em> of Agent Hotchner to deal with... Only Hotch wasn't such a small matter, he could stop her from coming back to the team and she knew he would be perfectly within his rights to do so – she had lied to him, she had made J.J get involved and she had pretended to be dead... What kind of person did that make her? The kind that wanted the best for her family, who wanted to keep them safe – that was the truth but she couldn't accept it – she couldn't justify her actions and that was the worst thing about it...

On top of all of this, there was there was the matter of her mixed feelings concerning the team leader. What was it that she had been feeling about Hotch every time she had looked at the team photograph? Was it simply that she missed him or was it something else? She just didn't know and seeing him again was only going to cause further doubts...

What was she thinking? She couldn't just walk into the BAU and expect everything to go by to normal that wasn't fair, that was expecting the team not to be human and that was the one thing she knew they all were...

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><p>"Emily I have to go now sweetheart – I'm due back at the office, I want you to take care – go home over the weekend and remember that this is the way things were supposed to be. So don't over think it all and just enjoy your life Ok? Now if you need anything you have my private line at the embassy or you could always call me at home. I'm here and I will always be, I'll call you to make dinner arrangements next week alright? Maybe you could come by the house and have something home cooked – I know there's a certain feline friend of yours who will be pleased to see you." Elizabeth told her as she straightened her suit jacket and picked up her bag.<p>

"Of course Mom I promised didn't I? I would love to join you for dinner and I'll pick up Sergio – I'm sorry it ended up being you who had to take care of him, I know you hate cats. Thank you for everything, I love you." Emily told her getting up and giving her mother another hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh it was no problem I felt like I had a tiny part of you back at home – it was nice. I love you too sweetheart – now be happy Ok because this is where you belong, back at home with all of your family. Which reminds me – I have to say a big thank you to Agent Jareau over there." Elizabeth smiled over at J.J.

"Oh it was no problem Ambassador, Emily would have done the same for any of us – I know she would." J.J brushed it off lightly, obviously she was not aware of just how grateful the Prentiss women were for her efforts.

"Goodbye girls." Elizabeth told them as she began to walk out of the coffee shop to spread some more of her amazingness where it was needed.

"Bye Mom!" Emily shouted after her and the two women watched as Elizabeth got into a waiting sedan and was gone...

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><p>"Things are different this time huh?" J.J asked as she got up, going to order a coffee.<p>

"A friend helped me to understand that it was time to forgive her." Emily mused thinking about Dominic and the way her mother had still been reluctant to let them spend time together even though she was now a grown woman.

"Oh a friend?" J.J asked with interest as she sipped her coffee – she had missed gossiping with both the other ladies of the BAU and she was looking forward to catching up with them both together properly.

"Ok so he was a little more than a friend... but that's for another time, all that matters is he made me see that she isn't so bad, sure she hasn't changed much but I don't think I would want her to." Emily told her and J.J's eyes flashed with the prospect of gossip.

"Well that's great news, besides it can't hurt to be on good terms with an Ambassador right?" J.J giggled.

"Yeah the scariest woman in the world also happens to be my mother." Emily laughed heartily and it felt good.

"It's good to see you laughing Emily, hey it's just good to see you." J.J told her squeezing her hand lightly.

"I wonder if the rest of the team will feel the same way." Emily breathed it was a possibility that they would hate her for doing thing.

"Are you kidding? We miss you like crazy – we all do, this is the best thing that is going to happen to the BAU in a long time Em I promise." J.J told her reassuringly.

* * *

><p>"J.J how on Earth do I explain all of this to Hotch?" Emily asked the question which had been burning inside her for a while now.<p>

"Oh you mean the world's scariest man? I think he'll understand. Besides I have a plan, I think you'll be just fine." J.J smiled wryly.

"Oh another plan huh?" Emily asked, intrigued by the sparkle in J.J's eyes.

"Oh yes..." J.J told her as she leant forward slightly and began divulging her idea...

As Emily listened she knew she would be Ok, being back told her that despite everything there would be no more tears in Quantico... all she had to do now was go along with J.J's idea in the hope that life would finally go back to normal. It was time to return to Hotch, it was time to return to the team..

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><p><strong>Tehe... Another cliff hanger for you – I know that you love them really! This was probably not quite the reunion scene you had in mind but I thought I'd do this first for all those who have been proving themselves fans of Elizabeth's involvement in this. As I said this will be the main involvement she has in the story – she <strong>_**has**_** had four chapter's worth of plot line after all and this is supposed to be Hotch and Emily centric. I felt the need to get rid of Dominic now that he has served his purpose and after setting him up as an old flame of Emily's I thought what better way for him to go than for Ambassador Prentiss to exercise her politic genius and have him reassigned... Anyway now that the path way is clear for Hotch and Emily romance I guess you will all be wanting that particular reunion scene – which is coming in the next chapter – I promise! I won't be cruel anymore... Would love to know what you thought.**

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


	5. I Really Miss You

**Hey, thank you so much for all your reviews – I appreciate them all! I'm here to say that I won't be cruel anymore; this chapter is finally going to give you all what you've been waiting for. **

**The title of this chapter is taken from the song by the band 'S Club 7' I simply adore them and have been listening to them all day – no its not sad, I just want to relive the days when music was uncomplicated... The song is just perfect for this chapter so the lyrics will be reproduced here for demonstrative purposes and to lead into the really gritty stuff. So credit where it's due... **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be marked in italics... **

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><p><em><strong>***I called you today just to hear you say<br>You were not around  
>When the message was through, though I wanted to<br>I couldn't make a sound  
>I wanna tell you the things I've seen<br>I wanna take you to where I've been  
>And I wish you were here with me<br>Don't you know**_

**_I really miss you - yes I do - yeah_**  
><strong><em>I really miss you<em>**  
><strong><em>Ohhhh yeah I do<em>**

**_I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day_**  
><strong><em>Hangin' with my friends<em>**  
><strong><em>But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies<em>**  
><strong><em>I'm alone again<em>**  
><strong><em>I wanna tell you the weather is fine<em>**  
><strong><em>When the night comes around you were on my mind<em>**  
><strong><em>And I wish you were here with me<em>**  
><strong><em>Don't you know<em>**

**_I really miss you - yes I do - yeah_**  
><strong><em>I really miss you - yes I do - I miss you<em>**  
><strong><em>I really miss you<em>**  
><strong><em>Ohhhh yeah I do<em>**

**_I wanna tell you the things I've seen_**  
><strong><em>I wanna take you to where I've been<em>**  
><strong><em>And I wish you were here with me<em>**  
><strong><em>Oh, don't you know<em>**

**_I really miss you - yes I do - yeah_**  
><strong><em>I really miss you - I miss you<em>**

**_I called you today just to hear you say_**  
><strong><em>You were not around<em>**  
><strong><em>When the message was through, though I wanted to<em>**  
><strong><em>I couldn't make a sound<em>**  
><strong><em>I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day<em>**  
><strong><em>Hangin' with my friends<em>**  
><strong><em>But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies<em>**  
><strong><em>I'm alone again...***<em>**

* * *

><p>Aaron Hotchner ran his hand over his face trying to clear away some of the tiredness which filled his whole body. It had been a day since he had killed Doyle and he had just finished doing battle with Erin Strauss once again. He was so tired of having to justify his actions to her – she just didn't get how this team worked, they were a family and as he remembered J.J saying some years ago now – <em>"you don't even blink; you do what you have to, to protect your family." <em>Of course Strauss had cleared them all, exonerated them of all malicious intent in the death of Ian Doyle. Hotch didn't know if that was strictly true – he had been feeling pretty malicious when he had taken that shot – he just wanted justice for Emily and he had wanted J.J to be safe but he appreciated Erin's work to secure the team's future – it was the only thing that would keep them all together and right now Hotch needed that continuity – he needed that security of being around the people he had come to respect as friends, as family and as the only people he trusted.

He didn't exactly know what to do with himself now, they had solved the case that had been plaguing them for three years and still he didn't feel like they had really got a result. Sure, Doyle was dead and America was just a little bit safer but that hadn't given them what they had all wanted. He didn't like to admit it but he had half been expecting Emily to be waiting for them when they had arrived back at the BAU but she hadn't been, and he had silently burrowed even deeper into the recesses of his tormented mind. He had been hoping against hope that she was still alive, that there was some mistake, that J.J held the key to the biggest mystery of the BAU, but since their return he had hardly seen the blonde agent. There was definitely something he wasn't being told but he didn't even know how to begin to ask her. Since Doyle had been killed no one had mentioned Emily's name and he wasn't sure that he could be the first to do so. Could he really be responsible for starting the grieving process for the team? Didn't they deserve a little time where they didn't think about anything that had happened before last night but where they also didn't have to think about that void that Emily had left in the team? Didn't this team who had already experienced so much pain deserve a few moments in time when they weren't expected to deal with reality? Elle and Penelope's shootings, Reid's torture, Flynn's attack on Morgan and the game the Reaper had put them through – his own stabbing and Haley's death and now Emily's death - all of these things had already threatened to tear the team apart and yet somehow they were stronger for them, they appreciated each other more. But Emily's death was different, everything else seemed diminished in importance compared with this – it was so final, there was no possible chance of her recovery, nothing the team could do for her and there was the very real fact looming in the near future that things would have to change. The team couldn't manage an agent down forever, things had been difficult enough after J.J had left.

Of course, they hadn't worked any major cases in the three years since Emily's death – nothing so shocking as Canada had been, it was almost as if the bad guys recognised that the team, arguably the best in the FBI, was broken and if they weren't going to be on form then the psychopaths didn't want to come out to play. What was the point if the best agents weren't there to run from? So sure life at the BAU had been mildly more manageable than it had ever been but still they were down an agent, an expert in her field and they missed her like crazy. Hotch knew that if this team was ever going to recover, if any of them were ever going to be able to do their jobs properly again then eventually he would have to fill the void left by Emily but for right now, he wanted to quietly pretend that that future was just a dream.

* * *

><p>He took out his cell phone and stared down at the LED display. He quickly pressed the appropriate buttons and his contact list filled the screen, he scrolled through them until he found the one he was looking for. <em>Emily<em> _Prentiss._ He hit the call button and placed the handset to his ear.

He didn't know exactly what he had been expecting – a dial tone to sound in his ear as the call tried to connect, followed by the traditional ringing sound and then what? Her voice? If he had, he was very good at hiding his severe disappointment when he heard none of those things, only the same message he had been hearing for years now.

_***** I called you today, just to hear you say**_

_**You were not around, **_

_**When the message was through, though I wanted to  
>I couldn't make a sound<br>I wanna tell you the things I've seen  
>I wanna take you to where I've been<br>And I wish you were here with me  
>Don't you know<strong>_

_**I really miss you - yes I do - yeah**_  
><em><strong>I really miss you***<strong>_

* * *

><p>"<em>This number is no longer in service, if you think there has been a mistake please contact the operator."<em> A robotic voice told him for just about the millionth time since he had started calling the number.

"No, there hasn't been a mistake." He whispered to the recorded woman as if she was going to answer him.

Of course there hadn't been a mistake, Emily was dead for goodness' sake. What did he expect? For her just to answer her cell from beyond the grave, to tell him that she missed him too? It wasn't going to happen - she was gone. It was over, that was it and yet he found himself redialling...

* * *

><p>What he couldn't understand was why he was still doing these ridiculous things. Of course he had behaved similarly when Haley had died, calling her cell just to hear her voice but he had loved Haley – it made sense for him to do those things and yet here he was going through those same motions , calling a woman who had been a team member, a subordinate agent – a colleague. What did that say about his feelings for her? Of course he knew the answer to that, he had known since that very first phone call on the night of her death.<p>

He had dialled her cell number and unlike the millions of times he had dialled it subsequently, it had actually connected with her mailbox.

"_You've reached Emily Prentiss, leave a message and I'll call you back_." Cold, professional and yet so undeniably Emily – straight to the point, cut the crap, leave me a message, end of story of course that first time he had hung up – he hadn't known what to say, but then he had called back and left a message.

"Emily this is Hotch. We really miss you." He had said through his tears.

He had left the same message every fifteen minutes for forty eight hours and then he realised that the emotionless message simply hadn't covered his feelings for her. He remembered the time when his message had changed completely - on the third day exactly upon the sixtieth hour of their grief, the sixtieth hour since her death:

"Emily, it's Hotch again - I hope you aren't bored of my voice by now. What I've been trying to say is that _I_ really miss you more than I probably should." He had told her mailbox before hanging up.

On the seventh day after her death he had called the number again as he did every day, every fifteen minutes and he had left another message, an entirely different one.

"Emily I don't just miss you, I was falling in love with you." He had admitted and that had been the last message he had ever been able to leave. After that the number had gone strangely dead and it had been the first of many mysteries surrounding Emily's death...

* * *

><p>He looked up from whatever piece of paperwork he had been trying to concentrate on and noticed that the bull pen was surprisingly empty. It was a little after seven sure, but since Emily's death they all stayed a little later – trying to avoid having to go home to all of their memories of their friend. If they were here then they were together in their need not to be alone, they were around people who understood. He shut off the lamp and walked out onto the catwalk. All the desk lamps were shut off and no one was around. He walked slowly but surely towards the row of meeting and conference rooms and found that one still had a light on. He opened the door and found the rest of his team.<p>

They were all standing around the case board that had been reserved for Emily's case. It had always been Emily's board, sitting there at the back of the room filled with perhaps one too many photographs of her even when they worked other cases and now he understood what he hadn't before. This team would never move on from this. Sure he could hire a new agent and they could wear fake smiles all day but they would always remember, they would always know deep down that the team wasn't real anymore – it didn't have all of its members. Of course people left – Elle had left and J.J had left but they had done so safe in the knowledge that they could come back, that however far away from them they moved, their family would always be here at the BAU waiting for them to come home. With Emily it was the other way around. Hotch felt like this team were leaving her and she would be the one always waiting faithfully here in the BAU for them to return to her. He felt utterly lost without her and he knew from the looks he received from every single member on this team that they felt it too.

"I can't do it sir – I can't put her in a box the way we do with the others. She belongs with us, not in some box, in some filing cabinet, in some archive room a hundred feet below the surface. I can't bury her like that... it's too much like..." Garcia's voice wavered as she reached out a hand and stroked Emily's face in the same battered old picture that Emily had been carrying with her for three years.

"Ssh Baby Girl... It's going to be Ok." Derek tried to soothe but she turned on him with a look of grief stricken fury.

"How can you say that Derek! Things will never be 'Ok' again. We can't just forget her you know – or at least I can't!" Garcia blazed turning back to the photographs with tearful eyes.

"Garcia maybe we don't have to take those down yet. Why don't you leave them there?" Rossi suggested looking at Hotch for affirmation that this was Ok, he nodded, feeling somewhat outside of himself right now.

"These aren't just any photos sir – they aren't 'those photos', they're Emily and she belongs with this team." Penelope told him.

"I know I meant _her_, you can just leave _her_ right there where she belongs Ok?" Rossi replied admitting defeat. This had really shaken them up but Garcia was taking it incredibly badly even after so much time. It was like those wounds had not healed in any of them and never would – that was a mark of their love for Emily.

* * *

><p>"Dave's right Garcia – she doesn't have to go anywhere. In fact why don't we toast her life – we haven't done that in a while." Hotch told her, disappearing retrieving a bottle of champagne they kept in the refrigerator for birthdays and that kind of thing. He popped the cork wordlessly and reached for the coffee mugs at the back of the room. Still silently, he passed each of them a mug and noticed not for the first time that J.J was absent.<p>

"Where's J.J?" He asked after a moment.

"She said she had a meeting." Penelope piped up, filled with admiration for their leader in this time of adversity.

"How long ago was that?" Hotch asked.

"Uh... She left a few hours ago, said she'd be back in before we left." Penelope replied.

"She didn't say anything to me." Hotch commented, worrying slightly, it wasn't like J.J not to check in.

"'I'll call her in a minute." Penelope assured him as they all turned to face 'Emily's board'.

"To Emily – remembered often, loved always." Hotch told them and they all repeated the mantra which had always stuck with him.

"_Remember her often, love her always and never give up on her... find him. It's the only way." J.J had begged... _

* * *

><p>J.J looked down at her watch. There was no doubt that by now Hotch had realised that she was missing from the BAU and it was only a matter of time before her phone would ring and she would be summoned back there, but that thought wasn't so bad. This time she wouldn't be walking in there alone, there would be someone else, a much missed face with her...<p>

"Em are you nearly ready? Hotch will be wondering where I've got to." J.J called from the living room of her friend's apartment. Seeing her walk back in here had been worth bunking off from her duties at the BAU. It was that look of realisation – she was home... At last...

Emily didn't answer J.J for a moment, it wasn't that she was ignoring her on purpose it was just that she was so comfortable – laying in the middle of her own bed atop the comforter, one hundred plush throw pillows beneath her head... God she had missed things like this - her own bedroom, her own bathroom, her own clothes... All things she had taken for granted until she had lost them...

"Em – is everything Ok in there?" J.J asked closer to the door this time, knocking lightly.

"Sure Jayje, one minute." Emily called back getting rather reluctantly off the bed. She supposed she could recommence her relationship with her bed later, right now there were more important relationships to be recovered.

She checked her appearance in the mirror before opening the door. She had to say, she looked decidedly more like herself than she had when they had walked in an hour ago and she had been in her sweat pants and vest. She slicked on some red lipstick, it had been her colour of choice before and she just wanted to feel like that person again.

She opened the door and went to face her friend. She had something pretty important to do now and she was so nervous...

"Wow Em." J.J breathed turning her attention back to her friend she looked great, she looked like herself again.

"So what do you think? Can I fool them?" She asked, doing a little turn for her friend.

J.J appraised her friend's appearance in mild confusion, she didn't understand what Emily had asked her. Of course she looked like herself, wearing that red wrap around dress which had caused such a stir at work and her statement red lipstick there really was no doubt that this woman was Emily Prentiss.

"Em I'm confused what do you mean fool them?" J.J asked with a knitted brow.

"I mean do you think I can fool into believing that I'm Emily Prentiss?" Emily asked.

"Emily listen to me Ok? You _are_ Emily Prentiss, you have your life back now all you have to do is take it." J.J told her firmly.

"I just sort of feel like I'm walking in someone else's shoes, I feel like I don't have the right to be here, I've lied to the team..." Emily trailed off.

"Emily you didn't lie, you were protecting us and you were just trying to stay alive. The team are going to understand that, now I think there's something _you_ need to understand. Doyle was the criminal Ok? He's the reason for all of this. You did nothing wrong." J.J told her.

"Thanks Jayje, what would I do without you?" Emily asked.

"You'd be Ok Emily, you always are." J.J told her warmly.

"Guess it's time to go huh?" Emily asked nervously and as if on cue J.J's phone rang.

She pulled it out and looked down at the display – Garcia.

"Hold that thought – it's Garcia." J.J told her and Emily's face lit up with a wide smile, it was good to hear those words again.

J.J hit the speaker phone button connecting the call. She pressed her finger to her lips in a signal that Emily should stay quiet for a moment – they had a plan after all.

* * *

><p>"Hey Penelope." She spoke warmly, the way she always did to her best friend.<p>

"_Hey sexy lady where are you? Your BAU buddies are missing you." _Garcia told her and Emily had to stifle a laugh, she had almost forgotten how flirty Penelope could be on the phone.

"I'm sorry Penelope, my meeting overran a little, but I'm on my way back, is Hotch really mad?" J.J asked biting her lip.

"_No he's not mad honey bear, he's sad... We were looking at the case boards with Emily's pictures on and we found ourselves toasting her life..."_ She sniffled a little and it took all of Emily's strength not to speak, but J.J shook her head and she kept quiet.

"Hey Penelope, Emily wouldn't want to see your tears now would she?" J.J tried to comfort her.

"_No I suppose not..."_ Garcia replied trying to suck up her tears.

"Where are you guys going to be?" J.J asked as the two agents began moving towards the door.

"_We're all in the conference room, we'll be here when you get back."_ Penelope replied.

"Hotch too?" J.J enquired as casually as she could.

"_Sure Hotch is here too." _Penelope replied a little confused.

"Well could you tell him I'm on my way back please?" J.J asked her by way of clarification.

"_Sure thing. My heart is heavy, but my love is strong." _Penelope told her.

"Thanks Penelope." J.J replied before ending the call.

* * *

><p>"Perfect, now the plan will work out." J.J smiled as they got into her car.<p>

"I did that J.J, Penelope... the whole team... their sadness is my fault." Emily replied not really hearing her friend.

"Hey Emily this is not your _fault, _besides you're going to make it go away." J.J assured her giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I should have said something to her – I should have let her know that I'm Ok." Emily sighed.

"You really want to do this over the phone?" J.J asked not believing it for a second.

"At least then I wouldn't have to face up to their rejection." She told her.

"They won't reject you Em – I promise. Here see for yourself." J.J replied, reaching into her purse and taking out Emily's cell phone.

"I meant to give it to you earlier but I guess I was a little distracted. I called your network provider and they reactivated your SIM card. I explained that you were with the FBI and needed your old number and they were only too happy to oblige. Besides, there's something you need to hear on there – at least it was there the last time I checked – I had to make sure you hadn't called before I had the number deactivated. -You think the team are going to reject you? Just wait until you've heard what's in your mailbox Ok?" J.J told her.

"You are a wonder woman J.J and I love you." Emily told her as she accepted her handset from the blonde woman.

"I love you too Em." J.J replied as she started up the car and began the journey back to the BAU.

* * *

><p>Emily couldn't believe what she had found in her mailbox, hundreds and hundreds of messages all the same, all from Hotch.<p>

"_Emily this is Hotch. We really miss you." _

Over and over again the same message – we really miss you.

"He really called this many times? Why would he do that?" Emily asked in disbelief.

"Have you listened to the last message yet?" J.J

"No – I haven't gotten to it yet – how is it even possible that my voicemail can hold that many messages?" Emily asked with a small giggle.

"I guess he really wanted to hear your voice, I suppose when you're... Never mind, anything is possible Emily." J.J replied evasively.

Emily threw her a confused look before returning her eyes to the handset. She scrolled her finger quickly through the hundreds of calls that had been registered, mostly displayed as 'Hotch office' but some from his cell, until she found the last recorded call. She saw the voice message symbol next to the details and tapped it placing the phone to her ear as she waited to hear this 'important message' J.J seemed to be hinting at.

* * *

><p>The call to her voicemail service connected after a couple of seconds and after keying in the appropriate commands Hotch's voice filled her ear again, only this time what he said completely shocked her.<p>

"_Emily I don't just miss you, I was falling in love with you."_

She dropped the handset into her purse like it was a burning coal. She couldn't believe this, he had really called her and admitted that he had feelings for her and not just any feelings... Love. A four letter word which could make wonderful things happen, of course there was also always the potential for destruction...

"He... What?" Emily asked as the car pulled to a stop.

"I don't know Emily, but I think you two have a lot to talk about." J.J replied as she got out and waited for Emily to do the same. When she sat stock still in the passenger seat, J.J moved around the vehicle and opened the door for her.

"Come on Emily, it's time. Your family is waiting for you." She told her and smiled to herself as her friend unbuckled her seat belt...

* * *

><p>J.J walked quickly towards the conference room, the first part of her plan had been perfectly executed and she felt kind of like she was playing one of Spence's games of chess – she had the queen in place and protected, now all she had to do was force the king to surrender...<p>

She walked through the door quickly scanning the room. All of her friends were holding coffee mugs and on the table were two empty bottles of alcohol – one champagne and the other scotch. It looked like toasting had turned into out and out grieving and made her so glad that things were about to go back to normal.

"Hi, I'm back – Sorry I got held up." J.J told them and they all turned to face her with puffy eyes.

"Who was the meeting with?" Hotch asked, just wanting to be kept in the loop.

"Uh actually I kind of wanted to talk to you about that. Can we go to your office?" J.J asked.

"You're not leaving again are you Jayje?" Penelope asked in heightened panic.

"No Penelope don't worry about that, I'm not going anywhere – I just need to run something past Hotch." J.J replied, she should have known that Penelope would worry about that.

"Can it wait until the morning J.J? Come and have drink with us." Hotch told her indicating the lone mug on the table.

"Is there any left?" J.J whispered, she hadn't meant for him to hear it, it had been a response to the outpouring of grief she could feel in the room but now it sounded like she was being critical.

Hotch felt like she had slapped him in the face and he was woken quickly from his grief induced stupor. What were they thinking of? Sitting around the BAU staring at old photographs of Emily whilst quietly slipping into an alcohol induced denial wherein none of them had to face up to the fact that they couldn't keep her alive this way forever.

"You know what? You're right J.J – I'm sorry. Of course we can talk." Hotch replied getting up and joining her by the door.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry about what I said." She told him as they walked back up the catwalk towards his office.<p>

"No you were right – I don't know what came over me." Hotch told her.

"It's Ok to miss her Hotch. It's Ok to love her." J.J whispered.

Hotch's cheeks blazed as he knew that J.J was talking about a deeper kind of love than the familial, platonic kind they had all developed for each other.

"So who was the meeting with?" He asked as they reached his office.

"Strauss. She wanted to discuss something with me that she didn't feel she could talk to you about." J.J fed him her rehearsed lines.

"What was that? Erin doesn't usually have problems vocalising her opinions to me." Hotch commented, remembering the interrogation he had experienced after Haley's death...

"Well... She thinks we need to start looking towards the future... Of this team and where we go from here." J.J told him, she knew this was risky business and if Strauss were ever to hear of this she knew she wouldn't be looking at a transfer to the Pentagon, she would be looking at a transfer to Timbuktu...

"The future?" Hotch asked in confusion as he stepped into his office and his momentary silence made J.J sure that he had already seen Emily, that the plan was ruined...

"She means the future of this team post Emily right? It's only been one day J.J what does she expect?" He asked, his back gratifyingly to the couch...

"Hotch it's been three years." J.J told him gently.

Hotch looked at her with anguished eyes, he knew it was the truth but somehow he had worked to the assumption that if he never said it, it wouldn't be true.

"So what exactly does 'unit chief' Strauss suggest?" Hotch asked after a while.

"Well... She thinks it's time we started looking for someone to..." J.J trailed off for a moment and he filled in the words she couldn't say.

"Replace her?" He asked in mild disbelief, he had always known that this moment was coming but he had never imagined it would come so soon...

"This team needs another agent Hotch, you said that yourself. We need someone strong in Emily's field of expertise and Strauss suggested the perfect candidate..." J.J trailed off waiting for Hotch's reaction.

"I don't want to see anyone else about the job. There isn't a vacant position on this team. It will always belong to Emily. I won't let anyone take her away from us again. I won't see anyone else because the only person I want is Emily." Hotch told her.

"I know." J.J breathed, looking over his shoulder and making eye contact with the one person he wanted above all others. So long as he didn't turn around quite yet...

"Then why are we having this conversation?" Hotch asked in tiredness.

"I had to tell you what Strauss said. Besides maybe there's still a way..." J.J replied mysteriously.

"J.J what is this? For three years now you've been saying things like this, sometimes I can see something in your eyes but you never tell me what it is. If I'm supposed to solve a puzzle of some kind then tell me because I'm done trying to guess." Hotch told her.

"Hotch there are things that you don't know, things you don't understand..." J.J told him.

"Then tell me, help me understand." He replied hoping that she was finally going to tell him something useful, something which explained all of this...

"I can do better than that." J.J told him with a sparkle in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" He asked in confusion.

"You want her to be a part of this team don't you? You still want that don't you?" She asked.

"Of course but..." She cut across him.

"Then tell her, tell her how you feel." J.J told him.

"J.J you're still aren't making any sense – how can I tell Emily I want her on this team? She's in a place from which there is no return, as much as I want her to be, Emily can't be a physical part of this team anymore." Hotch told in utter despair, why was she doing this to him?

* * *

><p>"I see you're still not ready to let me <em>give profiling a whirl<em>." Emily told him, recalling the first time she had ever walked into this office.

Hotch was stunned, how could he be hearing her voice so clearly? Why was his mind playing tricks on him? He found himself careening right back to that conversation as if time had simply melted away.

* * *

><p>"<em>Thank you for your interest agent but profiling is a speciality, we can't just let any agent who wants to, give it a whirl." He had told her drily upon which comment she had proceeded to give her analysis of the next case and he had been stunned. <em>

"_This isn't a whirl Agent Hotchner, now I don't know how the paperwork got mixed up or maybe you think my parents pulled some strings – which they didn't by the way. I belong on this team and all I'm asking for is the chance to show you that." She had replied, so confidently, with self assurance that he really couldn't do anything other than let her have the last word... _

* * *

><p>"What's going on?" He asked J.J.<p>

"Hotch, I've been trying to tell you for so long – I just didn't know how." J.J replied a smile creeping onto her face.

"Tell me what?" He asked, she hadn't said anything after all.

"If I were profiling Agent Jareau, I'd say she's behaving very strangely, she's fidgety and she can't look you in the eye – I'd say she has a secret." Emily spoke again getting up and walking a little closer.

The clack of her heels on the floor sounded so real but still he couldn't turn around and look, just in case.

"What do you say Hotch? Did I get the job?" she asked and he swore he could feel someone's breath on the back of his neck.

"Emily?" He asked weakly, knowing it sounded pathetic. She was dead - it couldn't be her... Could it?

"You know, _I really missed you_ too." She whispered, so close now that there was hardly any doubt that she was real, but still he kept his eyes trained on J.J.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you." J.J breathed, watching as tears began to fall from Hotch's eyes.<p>

"She's alive?" He asked, not daring to hope.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" J.J breathed before backing out of the room.

J.J had gone, God knew where and now they were left alone. Two people who both had knowledge of the last message he had ever left for her. Both of whom had no idea how to do this. It was going to be awkward between them, they always had been and her coming back from the dead only intensified that...

* * *

><p>Hotch took a few deep breaths as he stared blankly out of the windows of his office. J.J was nowhere to be seen and the more he stared at those windows in the dim lamp light the clearer a second reflection became...<p>

She was dressed in red, he had always loved her in red – it complimented the alabaster of her skin. Her hair was long, much longer than he had ever seen it before and even without seeing her true form he could tell that she was too thin. He wondered why he thought this was odd – anyone in her situation would have been... But then he realised he didn't know what her situation had been. She was unrecognisable to him in so many ways and yet the curve of her nose and the fullness of her lips were features which were unmistakable...

Slowly he turned around taking in her true identity for the first time in three years. At first he couldn't say anything. All he could do was feel. His heart beat so fast upon seeing her and he was filled with such relief and overwhelming love that he couldn't even consider the hurt he felt at having been kept out of her secret or the unbelievable confusion he was experiencing over the circumstances of her death...

"Emily?" He asked again stepping a little closer to her. She nodded, it was all she do through her tears.

"Hello Hotch." She breathed when she had recovered the ability to speak.

"You're alive." He stated and again she could only nod.

"You saved me." She whispered.

"I thought... God we all thought... I always hoped that you would be alive but I never imagined..." Hotch trailed off, so unbelievably glad to see her that he couldn't articulate just how much.

"I'm so sorry Hotch, I wish there was a way I could have told you but my mother and Strauss, they thought it would be best that you didn't know... J.J helped me set up my new life and then I just sort of disappeared, but I never forgot you – I wish I could explain..." She told him desperately.

"You don't have to explain anything to me, or to any of us. I'm just thankful you're Ok." Hotch told her let out a pent up breath.

"Thank you for everything you did to find Doyle – I wouldn't be here without you." She smiled awkwardly at him, all the things that she wasn't saying hanging in the air between them.

"It was a team effort – Sam's team and ours." He told her, never one to seem the hero.

"Ours?" She murmured hardly daring to hope that she was being offered a spot back on the team.

"Yes. I want you back on this team Emily. We've missed you. _I've _missed you" He told her frankly.

"Don't you think we should see what the others think first?" She asked.

"Emily they miss you like crazy. Please say you'll give profiling another whirl." He begged, using her last words to his advantage.

"Yes sir. I would love to." She smiled tearfully and then they were shaking hands formally as if that was really necessary between them.

She was just about to pull her hand away when he laced his fingers through hers, holding her tightly, refusing to let go. She wasn't sure exactly what this meant but she loved the feeling of his hand in hers.

"I missed you so much Emily." He told her and then he was using their connected hands to pull her close and she was falling against his shoulder in a strange, comforting, tearful and amazing cuddle.

"I'm so happy to be home." She smiled into his neck.

"I'm so happy you're home." He told her as she began to pull away.

"Hotch can I tell you something?"She asked, refusing to let go of his hand as they stood opposite each other.

"Anything." He replied.

"I... heard your message." She told him, looking at him with mild embarrassment. She had never been meant to hear those words after all.

"I thought you might have, you gave me a pretty big clue earlier." He replied with a small embarrassed smile. "So did I scare you off?" He asked in resignation when she didn't speak.

"No. I was always looking for a way to tell you... I was falling in love with you too." She told him and she noticed that he looked like he had received a one hundred thousand volt electric shock.

"Do you mean that?" He asked quietly – that was his way.

"Yes." She replied moving her thumb against his in a soothing motion.

"What would you say if I told you I'm _still _falling in love with you?" He asked.

"I'd say that is the most romantic thing I've heard in a long time." She smiled moving to embrace him once more.

She settled her head upon his shoulder as she tried to determine whether it was too early to kiss him, she really wanted to, God she _really_ wanted to but she also knew that she had only been back in America a few hours and if she really was back on the team then they had time to figure this out. Instead she let her lips trace the space between the collar of his white starched shirt and his strong chin as she revelled in the feeling of being held by one she loved.

"I never forgot you Hotch, not any of you..." She whispered.

"We never forgot you – we couldn't... It was like the heart of this team had stopped beating... I didn't know how to be in a life that didn't include you – we all felt so lost and I couldn't do anything to take away their pain."He told her, tears still falling out of happiness and joy.

"What about your pain Hotch? After Haley... What I put you through was unspeakable, but it was the only way I could think of to protect you – all of you – you're my family and I love you all, I needed to know that Doyle wouldn't come looking for you." Emily told him.

"Emily Doyle is dead. He can't hurt you anymore and he can't hurt us. You're home safely now and that's all that matters." He told her squeezing her tightly and noticing the feeling that she might break in his arms, she was wasting away...

"I never want to feel so alone again." She told him repeating something she had said to her mother a few hours ago.

"You never will be." He promised closing his eyes and holding her.

* * *

><p>They heard a commotion outside of the door as J.J called after Morgan and then suddenly he was knocking at the door and not waiting to be asked to enter.<p>

"Hotch are you..." He stopped mid sentence as he took in the sight before him.

The team leader was standing with his arms around someone in the middle of the office with reckless abandon but that was not the most shocking thing about it. What surprised him most was that he recognised the red dress the woman was wearing.

* * *

><p>J.J ran towards the office breathing heavily as she realised that the plan was going horribly wrong. She just hoped that Emily and Hotch had had enough time to talk about at least some of the issues that her return posed.<p>

"Emily?" Morgan asked wondering if he could be imagining things. Emily was dead. The last time he had seen her he had been begging her to hold on, to stay with him and now...

Emily untangled herself from Hotch's embrace with some reluctance and turned to face the man who had always been her partner in the field.

"Hello Derek." She breathed with a small smile. She could still see his anguished face now as if she was right back in that terrifying moment three years ago, she could still him begging her to hold on...

"What? How?" He asked in utter befuddlement. This was so confusing... Emily was dead... They had been to her funeral...

"Derek all that matters is that Emily is back where she belongs... We're a family again." J.J soothed from behind.

Derek registered what she had said but he simply couldn't get his head around all of this. Only short minutes ago they had been toasting her life, remembering all the good things about her and now here she was in the flesh.

"It's good to see you Derek."Emily told him, nervous that he was so silent. That was usually a bad sign where Derek was concerned.

"You too. Now tell me Princess what are doing all the way over there?" He asked opening his arms for her.

She crossed the room quickly stepping into her his open embrace and wrapping her arms tightly around his muscular body. She heard Derek trying to stifle a sob and she knew then that this team completed her, just being here and experiencing their love showed her that she had everything she could ever want in this life.

"I am so sorry Derek for everything that I put you through." Emily told him as he clung to her like he was afraid of letting go.

"What are you talking about? None of this is your fault, I'm just glad you're alive partner." He told her and she starting crying again.

"Partner? You still want to work with me?" Emily asked not quite believing it.

"Hey we're a team, you're my partner and I'm yours Princess. That's the way it is." He replied and as she pulled back she saw his sincerity.

"I missed you." She told him.

"I missed you too." He smiled as he went to the door of Hotch's office and called down to the others.

* * *

><p>"Hey guys get up here!"<p>

The other Agents Rossi, Reid and Seaver all moved quickly towards Hotch's office. It was well past time that anyone should be there and yet it looked like Hotch had something pretty important going on up there. Another case maybe? As Rossi walked up the steps he could make out a third figure in the office, a woman with long dark hair and he wondered if she was a family member of a new victim.

They stepped through the door all thoughts of other cases abandoned them.

"Look who it is!" Morgan exclaimed somewhat like an excitable child.

"Emily Prentiss." Rossi spoke in his distinctive voice and no further words seemed necessary as he crossed the room and gathered up the waif like woman into a rough hug.

"It's good to have you back with us Emily." He told her, no questions, not an 'I missed you', just a welcome home. Exactly what she had expected from David Rossi – no fuss just acceptance.

"Thanks Dave, God it feels good to be back." She smiled, kissing his cheek lightly before going to embrace Seaver who was standing just behind Rossi.

"Ashleigh hi, it's good to see you." Emily told her as she give her a small cuddle.

"Agent Prentiss... You're... alive." Seaver replied in dumbfounded confusion.

"It looks that way and please call me Emily." Emily told her as she moved around her to reach out for Spencer.

"Emily aren't you supposed to be...?" He asked not able to vocalise the word...

"Dead? Well it looks like I escaped this time. Tell me Dr Reid what are the odds of that?" She asked will a small laughed.

"Emily you are one in a million." He told her as he pulled her into a hug and buried his face in her shoulder. He had always considered Emily as sister and losing her had been hard on him...

"Hey, hey it's Ok – I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere alright, I promise." She soothed giving him an extra squeeze as he wiped his eyes.

"Where's PG?" She asked looking around the room and finding that she wasn't there.

"She's in her office securing the system before we leave." Derek told her. "You want to go get her?" He asked.

"No I have a better idea..." Emily replied, eyeing the phone on Hotch's desk with determination.

* * *

><p>Penelope's phone rang and she nearly threw something at it. She was so tired and all she wanted to do was go home and cuddle up on her couch with her thoughts of Emily...<p>

Still she answered it, she was nothing if not a good phone mistress after all. It was Hotch's internal office phone.

_"Yes sir?"_ She asked but was surprised when Derek's voice came into her office.

"Hey Baby Girl, we need those magical fingers of yours sweetness..." Derek told her.

"_Please tell me there's not another case already, I'm tired Derek..." _She mumbled.

"No it's not a case Goddess, I wanna play a little game are you up for that?" He told her.

"_I don't know Derek..."_ She answered testily.

"Come on baby I know you want to." He teased.

"_Well what are the rules?" _She asked knowing he was only trying to cheer her up and she appreciated it.

"There aren't any rules exactly, I just need you to do something for me Ok?" Derek asked.

"_This is sounding suspiciously like a case Hot Chocolate." _She told him.

"It isn't I promise, I just want you to check that sparkly little map of yours – not the one you use for cases – the one that you have tracking all of us..." Derek instructed.

"_How do you know about my map and what exactly do you want with it?" _She asked grumpily.

"I know a lot of things about you Baby Girl – now check it and tell me what you see." He told her.

The line was silent for a moment as went to check the map. All of the team's cell signals were strongly focused and glowing on her triangulation map all in one spot – the BAU. She could pick them all out – the lights for each team member, her own signal plus those of Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Morgan, J.J and Seaver and... Emily.

"_Derek something's wrong with my map. I'm picking up Emily's cell phone signal..."_ She murmured in disbelief as she stared at it.

"How could that happen?" Derek asked teasing her a little longer.

"_I... I don't know... I've been trying to locate her signal for three years but I just figured that the cell battery had died or the number had been put out of service but it's here on my map... Do you think that means..."_ She trailed off not sure what it meant.

"Where does the map show her signal is coming from?" Derek asked barely able to contain his excitement.

"_Right here Derek... The BAU – Do you think she's trying to tell me something?" _Penelope asked.

"No I think she's trying to ask you a question." Derek told her.

"_Like what?" _Penelope asked in confusion.

"Like how fast can you get to Hotch's office PG?" Emily asked and they heard the line go dead.

* * *

><p>Penelope was finding that however quickly she wanted to get to that office, her shaking legs simply wouldn't carry her quickly enough. She ran up the steps and saw the entire team surrounding... a woman she had thought she would never see again.<p>

"Emily?" She squeaked, already in tears.

"Penelope." Emily murmured her name as her friend ran at her and practically bowled her off her feet.

"I thought was never going to see you again, I thought you... I thought he had..." Penelope stifled through her tears.

"Ssh it's Ok... Ssh... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...Ssh..." Emily soothed holding her friend close.

"Are you going to stay? Are you coming back to the team, back to us?" Penelope asked when she had recovered enough.

"I'm going to be here Penelope I promise Ok? I promise I'm not going anywhere." Emily told her suffocating slightly from the way that Penelope squeezed her.

"I don't think my heart could handle it if you did." Garcia told her.

"I know... Neither could mine. You're all safe now... I could come home without hurting anyone else." Emily assured her.

"What do you mean? You were the one in danger Emily." Penelope told her.

"A story for another time perhaps? Right now I think we all need to get some rest. Emily's probably tired from travelling right?" Hotch asked and for the first time that day she really thought about it and found that her muscles did ache with fatigue.

"I am pretty tired." Emily admitted.

"Well why don't we go home and maybe we could all meet for dinner tomorrow – we have the weekend off, assuming that there isn't a case called in we can celebrate properly." Hotch suggested and they all agreed that it sounded like a plan.

* * *

><p>J.J was going to take her home and they had all arranged to meet at Lorenzo's, a little Italian place they sometimes used for takeout, at seven tomorrow. As they were all walking to their vehicles Emily couldn't help but thank her lucky stars that they had all been so understanding, it could just as easily have gone the other way and she was grateful.<p>

J.J got into the driver's side of her car and Emily was just about to get in to the passenger seat when she felt a hand close around her shoulder. Her reflex since Doyle had been found back in America was to get it off, to pull away and she turned quickly to see who it was and breathed a sigh of relief when she realised it was Hotch.

"I'm sorry I scared you." He apologised.

"No, I'm sorry – I think I'm going to be a little jumpy for a while, it's been a long time since I was around a lot of people." She told him, folding her arms and running her hands from her elbows to her shoulders in an effort to comfort herself.

"That's understandable Emily and no one will hold it against you if you need some time..." Hotch told her remembering how difficult things had been for him after Haley had died.

"Hotch I'm ready." Emily told him firmly.

"If you're sure then I don't have any objections." Hotch replied.

"Thanks." She watched him as he shifted awkwardly from foot to foot like there was something he wasn't saying. "Was there something else?" She asked with a slight smile.

"Um... actually... Could we talk over there?" Hotch asked noticing that J.J was watching them intently.

"Sure." She told him throwing J.J an apologetic look.

"What's up?" She asked as they moved a little away from the car into the well lit parking lot.

"Well actually... I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner sometime." He asked looking at her hopefully.

"We're going to dinner tomorrow aren't we?" She asked quizzically.

"Yes, but I meant would you like to go dinner with _me_?" He clarified realising his mistake.

"Oh." She breathed, not quite the reaction he had been hoping for. "You mean like on a... date?" She asked after a moment.

"Yes." He told her without a moment's hesitation.

"Then I would love to." She replied not even having to think about it, flashing him a beautiful smile that he was mesmerised by.

"Great." He smiled and began backing away.

"Uh Hotch... You didn't tell me when." She called after him with a little giggle.

"Oh right, of course, I didn't." Hotch replied coming back towards her. "How about Friday?" He asked, that gave him a week to build up the courage to be around her, that gave her time to get used to the idea of being back.

"Friday works for me. So where are you are taking me?" She asked.

"Well actually I wondered whether you would like to come to dinner at my house with Jack and I." He told her and she contemplated this for a moment, it definitely said something different to a restaurant, it was more intimate plus there was Jack to think about, she didn't know him all that well and she didn't know what being introduced to him would do to his life. The truth was she was terrified and looking for any excuse. Agreeing to a real date with Hotch was a risk. Was that a bad thing though?

"A man who isn't afriad to introduce me to his son, wants to cook for me and knows how to say 'I love you'?" Emily teased her heart jumping.

"Are those bad things?" He asked in confusion.

"No Agent Hotchner, those are very, very good things." She murmured.

"Is that a yes?" He asked, his eyes glinting.

"What do you think?" She asked mysteriously before walking away. A girl had to reserve her feminine allure after all...

* * *

><p><strong>So there it is I hope it lives up to expectation. I wanted to introduce a little Hotch  Prentiss romance into this chapter seeing as that's what the rest of the story is going to focus on. Next up, a little dinner I think. Please be patience with me I like a long slow build up. I would love to know what you thought. **

**Look out for the next chapter very soon. **

**Love, **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	6. The Last Romantic in Town

**Hey, thanks so much for all your reviews, I appreciate them all. Thanks also to **_**'Dreamer22' **_**for reviewing – I couldn't PM you so thought you needed thanking on here instead. I appreciate your comments : - ) **

**My author's note remains the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**This is where we get to go Hotch/ Prentiss crazy so I hope you enjoy and feel free to let me know what you thought if you want to – I love reading your comments. **

* * *

><p>Emily Prentiss sat at her desk in the BAU staring at the date book on her phone with a panicked feeling. Today was Friday. She had been back in the BAU for exactly a week but that wasn't the most significant fact about this particular day. Tonight was her date with Aaron Hotchner and she was nervous as Hell. They hadn't spoken much since she had been back, apart from in a professional capacity on the local case they had worked this week and she wondered if he was going to turn tonight's little 'date' into an opportunity for twenty questions. The team had been unbelievably understanding so far but she could see their questions in their eyes – Where had she been? Why hadn't she called – not even once? She could them all and yet she didn't know how to begin to answer them and being alone with Hotch, even after what he had said to her and what she had said back, was terrifying. He was the person who was taking all of this silently, never asking her anything, not pushing her too far and yet still watching her like a hawk. She felt his eyes on her all the time and not always for the right reasons. When she walked into the office in the mornings she could almost always see his sigh of relief, when they were around the conference table he watched her intently, almost as if he was afraid that her experiences with Doyle meant that she couldn't this job properly.<p>

She didn't know what else she could do to make them all believe that she wasn't going anywhere, other than to keep coming back until one day they didn't all look like they wanted to lock her in a closet somewhere, just to be sure that she was safe. She didn't blame them of course, if this had happened to any of them she would have behaved exactly the same but it was just that the strength of their love had the power to overwhelm her and render her incapable of functioning without it and she couldn't think of a way to repay them.

That was what scared her most about going on this date with Hotch tonight. They were colleagues first and foremost and that truth would always be there, they couldn't simply run away from it. They had history – awkward history. They had clashed more than a few times and then she had experienced a turnaround somewhere between refusing to be Strauss's spy and being the one to find him after the Reaper had stabbed him... What did that mean for them? Could they ever really work together? Did 'I love you' really mean that their relationship should change? It was possible of course that his emotional response had been in reaction to the relief he felt at her return, but what if it was something else, something more? Strauss would have her fired for sure if she found out there was any form of non professional fraternisation between them and she knew Hotch struggled to mix his personal and professional lives at the best of times. Maybe this was just a bad idea...

* * *

><p>She looked up after signing off on her report and glanced towards the office. It took her a moment to notice but it appeared Hotch was staring at her. God even now when she was sitting calmly at her desk doing paperwork he was looking at her desperately as if to say <em>'Please don't leave me'. <em>She looked away furtively; playing with her hair like it was the most interesting thing in the world. After what seemed like an appropriate amount of time she chanced a look back at the office and found that he was still looking at her. She smiled weakly and was just about to look back down at the report she had been looking at when he motioned for her to join him in the office.

Oh God, oh God, oh God. The whole team were going to see, they were going suspect that something was going on, that was all she needed – to be the subject of scandal a week after coming back to the office. Still she got up, taking her report with her at least this way she could pretend it was something at least vaguely work related.

She walked across the bull pen and climbed the steps to his office. She felt like every pair of eyes was on her as she knocked at the door and waited for him to call her in.

"Come in Agent Prentiss I need to speak with you about the last case we worked on." He shouted loudly enough for the whole team to hear.

So it was something work related then... God what had she done to make him need to use such a serious tone?

* * *

><p>She stepped inside closing the door, if she was going to be reprimanded for God only knew what then she wanted at least a little privacy.<p>

"Uh... What can I do for you sir?" She asked quietly, crossing her arms across her body protectively – it was her defence mechanism.

He watched her with interest realising that she thought he was really serious about being mad at her. She wouldn't even look at him, probably for fear that if she did, he was going to explode with some kind of pent up anger at what she had put him through. But the truth was, he didn't possess any anger – of course there were questions, but he was not angry – he had moved past angry a long time ago and now all he wanted to do was love her. If only she would look up right now, if only she could see his smile...

"Do you think it worked?" He asked her with mild amusement.

"Do I think what worked?" She replied in confusion.

"Well have the team gone back to work?" He asked and she turned to look out of the window.

"Yes." She told him, catching on; he had wanted to create a distraction.

"Good. I hope you don't mind me calling you in here Emily, I know we're at work but I needed to run something past you." He replied.

"Oh?" She asked in curiosity.

"Tonight..." He started but then paused as if trying to decide how to proceed.

"Tonight?" She posed the word as a question. Was he planning on backing out? Maybe that was better for both of them.

"I talked to Jack about you coming over." He told her and then she understood, Jack wasn't ready to have someone new in his life, she should have known, she should have thought about it...

"It's Ok Hotch, I understand." She murmured a little disappointed but strangely relieved.

"Wait... You _don't _understand, I talked to Jack and he's happy for you to come over – It's just that he had something to say about the menu for tonight's dinner... He wants to make pizza and not just any kind of pizza... Smiley faced pizza. I tried to persuade him that we could make them another night, but he told me I'd already said that once this week and well I couldn't really refuse. I just wanted to let you know so that you had the choice to say no. I don't expect you to come, I'm sorry." He told her, giving her all the facts and laying the choice at her feet non- judgementally.

"Do you really expect me not to come because of smiley pizzas?" Emily laughed a little.

"I thought it might... scare you away, it's hardly the most... appropriate menu." Hotch replied.

"Appropriate? Since when is pizza not appropriate? It's one of my favourite foods." Emily laughed but she sensed that 'appropriate' hadn't been the word Hotch had been looking for. That pause suggested words like 'romantic'...

"So you're saying yes to smiley pizzas?" He asked jovially.

"No Hotch, I'm saying yes to _you_." She told him, her eyes glinting slightly.

"So... Um seven for seven fifteen?" He asked.

"Perfect." She smiled, before exiting the office. That feeling of relief was gone and now her stomach twisted in a nervous knot. Why had she ever thought that she wanted to back out of their date tonight? Nerves were a given, they always were in these situations but she wanted to go – if only to see where things might lead... She barely made it down the steps before J.J had hooked her arm around hers and was dragging her off towards her own office.

* * *

><p>"Jayje would you let go of me!" Emily exclaimed pulling free as the other woman shut the door behind them.<p>

"Ok so spill! What's going on, ever since _that_ talk outside of my car you've been acting strangely, so what's the deal?" J.J asked and Emily looked at her in bewilderment.

"Oh Jayje! You didn't tell me about this secret 'car talk'!" Garcia muttered testily and Emily felt utterly ambushed.

"There is nothing to tell." Emily told them in a closed tone.

"Come on Emily, I saw you guys in there. Hotch smiled for goodness' sake!" J.J practically squealed.

"Oh Heaven forbid that he should _smile_!" Emily replied sarcastically.

"You can't run from us Emily Prentiss; I hope you know that – we will get to the truth." Penelope told her with a wicked smile.

"I'm not going to win this one am I?" She asked in defeat as she looked at both of her friends with a half smile.

"Nope." J.J told her.

"Ok, I'll tell you – but promise you won't say _anything – _you won't tease_ or_ tell anyone else?"She begged.

"Sure." They both agreed.

"I'm... I'm going to dinner with Hotch tonight. He and Jack are making smiley pizzas." She told them and they stood there with their mouths agape.

"Like on... a date?" J.J asked in mild disbelief.

"Yeah... At least I think so." Emily replied, her cheeks flaming a little.

"Did he say it was a date?" J.J asked not wanting her friend to get hurt by a misunderstanding.

"Yes Ok... it's a date, he said a date... I am going on a date with Hotch! Do you need me to shout from the rooftops?" Emily replied in exasperation.

"Oh Em that is just..." J.J started but Emily cut across her.

"You promised you wouldn't tease." She warned.

"Hey I'm not going to tease. I was going to say it's very romantic!" J.J told her not appreciating being interrupted mid sentence.

"I guess it means something that he asked me to his house right?" Emily asked for clarification, she had never been good at reading the signs; she was typically a little _nerdy_ when it came to going on dates...

"You know what it says to me?" Garcia asked and both women turned to her, noting the sparkle in her eyes.

"I _do not _want to know what it says to you!" Emily laughed jumping to conclusions about what the bubbly technical analyst would say - God did this woman always have naughtiness on the brain?

"All I was going to say is that I think it means he's pretty serious about you. Jeez defensive much? You know what _that _says to me? It says you like him... a lot." Garcia told her with a wide grin.

"Maybe I do." Emily replied with a small smile.

"So... What are you going to wear?" J.J wanted to know.

"Uh... I don't know I haven't given it much thought." Emily admitted honestly, what did a girl wear on a date with her superior anyway?

"Well honey you need to. What time do you have to meet him?" Penelope asked.

"Seven." Emily told her.

"Then we have time to go on a little date of our own – to the mall" She squealed.

Emily made a face and was just about to offer some protest – she hated walking around the mall and struggling to find things she liked, or things which fitted her slender figure whilst accommodating her bust – when Penelope held up a hand – she had heard this woman's excuses so many times before, she could roll them of the tip of her tongue with ease.

"No arguing! We are done here for the day, so grab your purse and let's go." She told her and Emily got to her feet, exiting the office flanked by the two women who had apparently become her stylists for the evening...

* * *

><p>Emily checked her reflection in the mirror and she had to admit that she didn't look too bad. Sure, she was still a little on the skinny side, but she had only been back a week and apart from eating deep fried foods and cakes all day – which she most certainly was not going to do – she knew that it would just be a waiting game. She just had to give herself time to readjust that was all. She had to stop expecting everything to be exactly the way it had always been, that was what she needed to do.<p>

As she decided what to do with her hair, which had been recently styled into something resembling an actual haircut rather than just a sheet of hair, she sent a message to both the girls thanking them for their input in her date night outfit. She had to give it to them – they certainly had an eye for a dress... The simple white dress they had all decided upon fitted her perfectly, nipping in under her bust and floating gently outward. It sat just on her knee and was, she thought, a respectable length which said I'm interested in you but I also want to hang out with your son.

She stepped into the black cork wedges she had also purchased and picked up the ridiculously tiny clutch Penelope had insisted she had to buy and pondered exactly how she was going to get her cell phone into the thing. It looked barely big enough to fit her lipstick tube in and she was grateful that she didn't have to go some place where she needed money – it simply wouldn't have fit. She had made this very same protest to Garcia at the store but the other woman had insisted that it made the outfit – that Hotch would appreciate such fine details.

She slicked on a final coat of lipstick and decided upon wearing her hair in a loose low down pony tail. It said relaxed glamour rather than out and out 'have sex with me' and in her opinion that was what was appropriate for a first date which included his son. She wiped away the excess lipstick and made her way to the door, leaving a saucer of milk out for Sergio whom she had collected from her mother's house after dinner on Wednesday. He mewled affectionately and she gave him a quick stroke.

"I'll be back soon Serge I promise and this time I mean it." She told him as she walked through the door, locking it and making her way to her car.

* * *

><p>As she drove she tried not to think about what would happen once she reached her destination for fear that it would cause her to keep on driving until she ran out of road. She wasn't sure what tonight would hold or where it would lead and frankly, that scared her more than anything right now...<p>

* * *

><p>Hotch was nervous and fidgety and he knew that Jack was noticing it but he couldn't help himself. Now that his young son had been cleaned up – the tomato sauce wiped from his cheeks and the flour from the freshly made pizzas bases combed out of his hair, he really had no choice but to get ready himself. After placing the pizzas which had been decorated to look like the three people who would be eating them in the oven, Hotch checked that Jack was happy with his drawings in the living room, and gave him a quick warning about not touching the oven – although he was eight now and old enough to understand the dangers of that particular kitchen appliance, his paternal instinct told him that he could never be too careful.<p>

He glanced at the clock: 6.40 pm. There were exactly twenty minutes until Emily was due to arrive and he realised that making the pizzas all evening had not left him with much time to change. He was just grateful that everything else was ready. A bottle of Rose' was chilling in the refrigerator and the pizzas were cooking. They'd be ready in thirty minutes and the admittedly shop bought chocolate fudge cake had been hand decorated with the fresh strawberries he had purchased – he remembered how much she _loved_ chocolate after all - . Everything food wise was ready, Jack was dressed in a smart shirt and jeans and now he could find no further excuse to put off getting ready himself.

"I'm just going to go get dressed for dinner ok Jack?" He told his son softly.

"Ok Daddy." Jack murmured, not looking up from his drawing.

* * *

><p>He had showered in the hope that the water would calm his nerves but now as he stepped into a pair of beige slacks and buttoned up a short sleeved crisp white shirt, he found that his heart was pounding . Was he right to invite her here? Would Jack cope with a new woman in his life? Was it fair to use Jack as the scapegoat for his own anxieties? He realised as he combed his hair into its statement style that Jack would always be stronger than he was. He was aware of the dangers in the world but he was still capable of loving anyone that his father trusted and that made him a beautiful person to be around. It kept Hotch's heart light and it contrasted to his own view of the world – particularly since everything that had happened to Emily. Hotch was no fool – he knew the world was dangerous and he fought those dangers daily, but he was less reluctant to acknowledge their impact upon his life now – he just thanked God every day when he woke up that Jack was there and that his team was safe. He loved Jack more than anything in the world and this intense love made him reluctant to extend this feeling to anyone else and yet a week ago he had told Emily loved her. Were things changing for him? He didn't know for sure and whilst he was keen to find out, the thought of entering into a new relationship with someone who he knew so intimately – as a colleague and a friend- and yet someone who had withheld so many secrets, scared him half to death.<p>

He looked at his appearance in the mirror, taking in the deliberate choices he had made – a short sleeved shirt and slacks, not dress pants. He wondered if she would notice this minor details and realise that they were all for her? He went to his closet and stepped into his shoes wondering briefly if he should wear a tie. Just as he was about to select one he heard Jack's voice at the bottom of the stairs.

"Daddy Emily's coming up the path!" He yelled and in that second he realised that Jack had made the decision for him. No tie it was then. It wasn't a work meeting after all.

With one final glance in the mirror he unfastened the top button of his shirt, hoping that it said 'I'm being casual about all of this' or something similar.

"Ok buddy, I'm coming." He told him as he waited hesitantly on the landing, waiting to feel some sense of calm.

* * *

><p>Emily had parked her car next to Hotch's on the drive, not failing to notice that the woman next door – a little old lady with a shock of bright white hair – smiled at her sweetly. She had admit as she slid out the car and stood on slightly wobbling legs that it looked sort of homely... Daddy's car next to Mommy's. Maybe she should have parked on the street. Her legs shook a little as she grabbed her ridiculous bag and her cell phone (which she was forced to carry separately) and locked the door of the car. She was unbelievably nervous and yet she knew she had been harbouring these feelings for Hotch for a long time and had managed to be around him without fainting. She supposed it was something to do with the fact that now he had told her he felt the same.<p>

She walked across the drive and headed up the pathway, _one foot in front of the other – slowly but surely – stay on your feet_.

As she made it to the door she heard the woman sitting on the porch next door call to her and she turned to look.

"I'm Jemima, Aaron's neighbour." The woman told her, clearly surprised that a lone female was coming to Hotch's house.

"Hi, I'm Emily." She replied negating to add the part where she was supposed to announce her connection to Hotch, wondering if the woman was actually going to come right out and say it – are you here on a personal visit? It looked like she was about to but then something changed her mind.

"Nice to meet you Emily." Jemima told her with a smile, it was almost as if she knew by instinct what was happening tonight. Emily considered this for a moment and was suddenly struck by the notion that she might very well be the first woman to come here who wasn't a child minder or Jack's aunt. That thought sent her heart racing – this woman_ knew _why she was here... They had been found out and they hadn't even done anything...

"You too." Emily replied quickly before turning towards the door.

* * *

><p>She knocked twice and heard a commotion inside. The brief seconds before the door opened gave her the opportunity to take off her shades and curse the clutch again for not being big enough to hold them. She wouldn't have time to run back to her car before the door opened so she settled them on her head<em>. Just relax... Just relax... Breathe, you can do it, in and in out, in and out. No! Stop thinking those words, you can't think about sexual situations around your boss and his son... <em>

The door opened and Emily was greeted by... a small boy. Jack Hotchner a miniature version of his father. He stood in the doorway with a wide smile and Emily looked behind him for any sign of Hotch... None so far.

"Hello Emily!" Jack squealed excitedly.

"Hi Jack – you remember me right? I'm a friend of your Daddy's." Emily greeted him.

"Yeah, you work for my Daddy." Jack told her and she was slightly taken aback, of course it was just like a child to point out the finer details of their relationship and remind her of the reasons why she shouldn't be doing this two seconds after she had arrived. But still there was something undeniably likeable about Jack and she was mesmerised by how much he already resembled his father.

"No Jack Emily doesn't work _for_ me, she works _with_ me – we're a team remember? Tonight she's here as my... friend Ok?" Hotch told him coming down the stairs and stepping up behind him.

"Right, I remember." Jack replied. "Sorry Emily." He told her and she smiled at him silently.

"Hello Emily." Hotch breathed, his eyes taking in every inch of her standing there in his door frame. She looked like she was posing for a portrait or something, rather than showing up for a dinner date with him and his son. She looked stunning.

"Hey." She smiled, her statement wide grin which had him tumbling head over heels already, no alcohol, no conversation necessary – just the giddying entity that was her, just her presence here had his head in a spin.

"Daddy are you going to ask Emily to come in?" Jack prompted, pulling him from his reverie.

"Sure. Sorry. Please come in." Hotch told her, stepping aside and signalling for her to come in.

"Thanks... Um..." She trailed off, not sure how to address him. Agent Hotchner had gone out of the window years ago and somehow tonight Hotch didn't seem right, but Aaron, she didn't think she had ever called him that and she was worried about the impact that could have.

* * *

><p>She stepped inside and he closed the door, upon which point Jack bounded off into the kitchen to watch the pizzas spend their final moments in the oven. Suddenly Hotch and Emily were alone together for the first time and already the silence was awkward.<p>

"Emily, we're not at work and my name is Aaron, please call me Aaron." He told her, his closeness causing his breath to tickle her cheek.

"Ok sure... Aaron." She replied and the word sounded foreign on her lips, she felt like the name referred to someone who wasn't the man standing opposite her.

"Shall we go through?" Hotch asked, placing a hand gently on the small of her back and guiding her towards the kitchen. She shivered slightly under his touch, it was new, it was intimate and she felt like his skin was burning a hole in the back of her dress but it felt so good...

* * *

><p>She said nothing as she walked into the kitchen a well lit room which suggested that it was the heart of this home. She ran her eyes over the contents noting a whole wall dedicated to Jack's art work along with all the regular kitchen appliances. This was the real Hotch, the Daddy, the <em>proud<em> Daddy and she was so lucky to be here to see him this way.

"Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes, I thought maybe we could eat in the garden. Would that be Ok?" Aaron asked nervously.

"That sounds perfect." Emily smiled, loving that he had put this much thought into it.

"Great. Would you like something to drink? I have wine, I couldn't remember whether you drink red or white – so I went with the safety net – I bought Rose'." Hotch admitted.

"I drink both actually, so safety net wine is fine with me." She told him, hoping that she could put him at ease. Right now he was watching her like any minute he expected her to bolt.

"So would you like a glass?" Aaron asked after a moment.

"Um actually I would love some water for now. Only, the drive out here kind of made me thirsty and well since I'm driving I can't drink too much." Emily told him responsibly.

He looked a little disappointed, as if the fact that she didn't want wine meant somehow that she didn't want to be here and that was certainly not the case. He had obviously gone to a lot of effort tonight and she was grateful that he had done so for her. She could tell he had even tried to be more casual in his wardrobe choices and she really did appreciate it. Plus there was the way he made her feel, like even without saying a single word to suggest it, she was the only girl in the world right now.

"Sure." Aaron said despite himself, was it a sign? Did the fact that she was refusing wine mean that she was looking for a quick escape?

He took a tumbler from the cupboard and filled it with some bottled water from the refrigerator with a wistful glance at the expensive wine he had purchased. Maybe he was trying too hard – he hadn't even thought to ask her what she wanted, how she would like tonight to go. Instead he was battling at full steam ahead trying to paint this perfectly romantic little picture with moves that seemed to be from prehistory...

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he handed her the glass. "I haven't done this in a while, I guess I don't know how things are supposed to go." He finished as she took a sip.

"Hey, everything seems perfect to me. It's nice... to be treated like a lady. I love that you're doing all these little things, they make me feel special and by the way, I would love to have a glass of wine with you... Later." She told him, her eyes flashing with promise.

"Thank you Emily." He told her quietly.

"For what?" She asked with a small giggle.

"For being so understanding... about Jack and about me." Aaron replied.

"Hey it's me who owes you thanks – I know I haven't exactly been forthcoming with you about my time... away." She murmured.

"I told you, none of that matters – I'm just glad you're safe." He smiled as he moved towards the oven to remove the pizzas.

* * *

><p>"What do you say head chef Hotchner – Are the pizzas ready?" Hotch asked and Emily found this fatherly side of him endearing and overwhelmingly sexy.<p>

"Yes! It's time to eat the pizzas!" Jack exclaimed excitedly as he moved back and let his father take the pizzas from the oven.

As he did so he noticed Emily's cell phone and clutch bag on the counter and looked at it quizzically.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Emily asked and he stared at her a little confused.

"Why is it so small?" He asked in an unabashed tone.

"That's exactly what I thought!" Emily told him.

"It doesn't even fit your cell phone in." Jack laughed.

"I know! My best friend Penelope told me I had to buy it – she said it went with my dress." Emily told him with a wide grin.

"But you need a bigger one!" Jack told him, still not understanding.

"Jack... don't be rude please." Hotch warned.

"No you know what? You're right Jack, I do and that wasn't the only reason I bought the bag." Emily told him and Hotch paused for a moment turning away from the pizza masterpieces and looking at her in curiosity.

"Penelope also told me that things like ridiculously tiny purses were essential for... dinners... She said that men like the little details." Emily told him with a blush.

"The little details... right." He looked nervous, like it was another thing he had failed at.

"So did you notice this little detail?" Emily asked holding the bag up for inspection.

"Uh... I noticed you, does that count?" He asked in mild embarrassment.

"Oh it counts." She breathed fixing him with a meaningful and powerful stare.

* * *

><p>He held her gaze trying to understand the hidden words that were lurking just behind her eyes. God she was beautiful and she knew exactly what to say to make him feel at ease, like he was doing something right at least with his old fashioned romance.<p>

"Daddy the pizzas are going cold!" Jack told him worriedly, inspecting his handiwork as he did.

"Oh Ok buddy, the pizzas right." Aaron murmured breaking eye contact with her and turning his attention back to the pizzas.

He worked quickly taking the pizzas off of the baking trays and placing them onto plates next to a prepared side salad. He had to admit these were some of the best smiley pizzas Jack had made and over the years he had made more than a few.

"There see Jack – they look good right?" He asked watching as his son looked at them with a discerning eye – was there something he could have done better? It was always the way when they had this meal – the pizzas became less a meal and more a piece of artwork and the artist was very self critical.

Spotting a way to reassure Jack, Aaron decided to ask for Emily's thoughts on the chef's work.

"Hey Emily, come take a look at these pizzas – what do you think?" He asked and was grateful when Emily slid off the stool she had been sitting on and came to stand behind them.

"They look amazing Jack well done... Hey I bet this one is mine right?" She asked pointing to the pizza which had long hair and was wearing the same sliced tomato smile as all the others.

"Yes! I used string cheese for all the hair, but I made yours extra long because Daddy told me you have long hair now – he said it's his favourite." Jack told her frankly.

"Oh he did huh?" Emily flashed Aaron a flirtatious smile and then she knew she had been right to keep her hair long.

"You're going to spill all of my secrets Jack!" Aaron laughed as he carried the plates through to the garden.

* * *

><p>Emily stood awkwardly in the kitchen for a moment as she wondered whether to follow him or not. This was both more and less awkward than she had imagined it to be. She was getting along with Jack and she was loving that she was privy to the 'at home' Hotch but there were so many things that he didn't say, so many things that she wanted to say that were just lurking there waiting to burst out...<p>

He came back in then, a look of mild amusement on his face. She smiled at him and he smiled back and then something changed between them. He reached out and took her hand, just as he had in the office a week ago, only this time he held it tightly in his own and without fear as he began to pull her towards the French doors leading into the garden.

"I hope you like it." He whispered and for the briefest of moments she was confused. That was until she stepped out and saw exactly what he meant.

* * *

><p>The table was decorated with a simple candle and the brightly coloured pizzas contrasted with the delicate lace table cloth he had chosen. On the table sat an Ipod dock and she had to let out a laugh as she heard what sounded like a children's compilation, it was just so amazing, everything had been so well thought out and she could hardly believe that it was all for her... It looked perfect, like a still from any romance movie but that wasn't the best thing about this. In the setting sun she could see that the trees surrounding the table were decorated with hundreds of tiny fairy lights... All this effort... all for her.<p>

"So?" Aaron asked when she didn't respond. Was it too much too soon?

"Oh Aaron it's beautiful." She breathed.

"Daddy wanted to make it special, he's been working really hard..." Jack told her as Aaron pulled out her chair for her and she sat down.

"Well your Daddy did a good job." She told him warmly.

* * *

><p>Dinner was going well. This pizza was delicious, unlike any that Emily had ever tasted – it had been so long since she'd had a proper pizza. Even during her time in Italy she hadn't tasted anything like this.<p>

"Hey Jack do you think maybe you could give me the recipe for these pizzas? I'd love to make them at home."Emily told him.

"Na uh. It's a secret recipe. If you want them again, you'll just have to come over again right Daddy?" Jack asked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. His Daddy liked her he could tell.

"Sure. We could make them again if Emily wants to come over another time." Aaron replied his tone not too hopeful but optimistic.

Emily observed Aaron carefully. The whole way through dinner he had hardly spoken a word to her, he had chatted to Jack sure and checked that her food was Ok but other than that, he hadn't spoken directly to her. She wondered if he was having second thoughts about all of this. His tone when he had answered Jack had been pretty evasive. Did that mean he didn't really want her to come back over?

She continued to watch him until he made eye contact with her and then she saw something in his eyes that she hadn't recognised before. They were dark and brooding and they spoke volumes. She understood then what he had been trying to tell her all night – that he couldn't talk to her in front of his son because what he had to say was not something that Jack should hear.

"You know what? I would love to come over again." Emily smiled at the little boy.

"The pizzas aren't even the best part." Jack informed her.

"Oh no?" Emily asked playing along.

"No – Daddy has a chocolate cake for dessert, it's your favourite right?" Jack asked.

"Yes I _love_ chocolate." Emily replied as she watched Aaron clearing their plates and heading back inside. She offered to help but he waved her off and instead as he rinsed the dishes and prepared the dessert she answered some of Jack's many questions.

* * *

><p>The cake was amazing and she found her eyes widening as he placed it onto the table. Not only was this cake layer upon layer of chocolate but it was also covered in fresh strawberries. God what exactly was Aaron trying to do to her?<p>

After cutting Jack a slice and passing him a bowl he turned towards Emily who was looking at the cake like it was the greatest object of her desire. In fact the look she was giving the sweet treat made him quite jealous.

"Would you like a slice Emily?" He asked with a small laugh.

"Do you really have to ask that question?" She replied, watching as he cut her a generous helping.

She waited for him to cut his own slice before she would allow herself to taste the deliciousness this dessert had to offer her. When she finally did take a bite her senses went into overload. She loved the fudge sauce she could taste and that was nothing compared with the sensory explosion the strawberries caused. She was briefly aware of mumbling some word of pleasure as her eyes flicked closed in order that she could concentrate on the tastes she was experiencing.

When she opened them, she noticed that Aaron had abandoned his dessert and was watching her as she devoured her own portion. He leaned forward onto the table and smiled, it was a genuine smile of happiness and it looked so good on him.

"What?" She asked, wiping at her mouth self consciously and feeling her cheeks blaze in embarrassment.

"Are you enjoying that Emily?" He asked his voice thick with laughter.

"It's delicious." She told him, looking down at her bowl and realising that it was empty save for one lone strawberry.

* * *

><p>She picked it up holding it between her thumb and forefinger. She could definitely have some fun with this, she could test him – see how far she could push him. She realised it would be a good way to find out exactly what he was feeling right now. Usually he was so guarded and tonight he was letting her see past the barriers he had worked so hard to construct.<p>

She drew the strawberry to her lips and licked the remaining chocolate sauce from it before taking a bite. A slow, deliberately sensual bite. She kept her eyes locked on Aaron's and she watched them grow even darker than they had been before. She held the remaining half of her strawberry between her fingers as she watched the pulse point at his throat throb with what could only be desire.

"Did you know that strawberries are...?" She paused a moment when she heard his sharp intake of breath and she couldn't quite decide whether it was because she was driving him crazy or because he was trying to warn her of the company they were keeping.

"What? Strawberries are what?" Jack asked looking between Emily and his Daddy in confusion, he didn't understand what was going on here.

"Uh really yummy." She replied quickly, practically jamming the rest of the strawberry into her mouth.

She had eaten it so fast that she almost choked and found herself spluttering a little to clear her airway. _Oh sexy Emily. Really sexy... You idiot... _She thought to herself as she heard Jack's giggles.

"Are you alright?" Aaron asked and she could tell he was fighting to hide his own laughter.

"Sure, yes I'm fine thanks." Emily blushed a little as she took a sip of water.

"Hey Jack, I think it's time we were getting you to bed buddy. It's late." Aaron told his son as he glanced down at his watch. It was already eight thirty – thirty minutes past jack's bed time and he knew that he got teasy if he didn't get enough sleep.

"Do I have to? I wanna stay out here with Emily." Jack protested, his eyes looking saddened by the prospect of missing out on something.

"You know what Jack? I think you should listen to your Daddy and go meet the sandman – he'll bring you good dreams." Emily told him and he smiled at her, how had Emily guessed about his sandman?

"Are you going to come over again?" Jack asked as if knowing the answer to this question was of paramount importance right now.

"Of course I will. If your Daddy wants me to." Emily told him looking at Aaron meaningfully.

"He already invited you again." Jack replied with a smile.

"Oh well then, I guess I'll see you soon." Emily told him as he got down from the table.

"Can I have a cuddle?" He asked, moving nervously towards her.

"Sure." Emily replied opening her arms a little.

* * *

><p>As his arms wrapped around her she understood where her need to have children had come from. There was nothing better than enjoying a cuddle with a small child. As he drew back she felt something warm and sticky on either side of her dress and realised what had happened. Jack had obviously had chocolate sauce on his hands and had consequently decorated her dress when he had been hugging her.<p>

"I got chocolate on your pretty dress." Jack told her, his lip wobbling slightly.

"Hey don't worry about it – I told you chocolate is my favourite, maybe my dress needed a taste too huh?" She brushed it off lightly and he gave her an uncertain smile.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, besides I'm going to go now anyway – your Daddy's right it is pretty late." Emily told him, avoiding eye contact with Aaron. In the last few minutes she had begun to panic. All night she had been waiting to be alone with him and now that the moment was here, she was scared...

She got up from the seat in a definitive motion to support her words, if she didn't leave now she probably never would. As she moved around the table she felt Aaron place his hand on her arm.

"Emily please don't go. You haven't even had a glass of wine yet. Please stay – just for a while longer." He half begged.

She considered this for a moment, he obviously wanted her to stay, there were evidently things he had to say but she just didn't know if she could handle those things. Up to now things had been kind of like a dream. If they starting articulating feelings now would it ruin everything? Work, friendship, trust all of these things were at risk and she didn't know if she could take it...

"Please stay. I'll be ten minutes and then I'll be right with you." He told her when she didn't respond.

She looked into his pained eyes and she knew then that she needed to stay, that she needed to hear him out. Instead of answering she went around the table and sat back down.

"Goodnight Jack." She smiled warmly.

"Night Emily." He replied as Aaron began to lead him back inside.

Just before they entered the French doors, Emily heard him whisper something to his Daddy that she supposed she was never meant to hear.

"Emily looks really pretty tonight Daddy. You should tell her she looks really pretty." He told him and then they disappeared inside.

* * *

><p>Emily had to laugh a little as she listened to the soundtrack that was playing. All night they had been listening to it, but now in the silence that surrounded her she could really focus on the words. It sounded like something from Sesame Street and although it had been a while since she had watched the show, Emily found the words strangely comforting.<p>

"You know, you really didn't have to listen to this. You could have changed it." Aaron told her, coming back across the garden from behind.

"Oh I've been enjoying it." Emily told him, trying to hide the fact that he had surprised her, that he heart was pounding at a million beats a minute.

"Jack has a strange taste in music at the moment, but I am hoping to inspire him to appreciate true music one of these days." He told her lightly as he placed the bottle of wine and two glasses on the table.

"Like the Beatles' _White Album_?" She laughed, recalling an old joke.

"Hey the 'Fab Four' are very talented musicians." Aaron retorted, this was subject close to his heart.

"I'm not going to argue!" She laughed as he moved towards the docking station to change the track. As he flicked through the music he couldn't help but hum to the remaining bars of the song that had been playing and she laughed again.

"I think you like it more than you say you do." She told him.

"I have to like it, it's my job." He told her but he couldn't hide his smile.

"It suits you." Emily replied.

"What does?" He sounded confused.

"Your other job, being Jack's father I mean. You're brilliant with him." She told him as he continued to flick through the music.

"We're a team, Jack and I help each other get through day to day." He told her finally settling on a selection of Cuban instrumentals.

"A little like us then?" She asked and he smiled at her as he popped the cork on the bottle and poured out two glasses.

"Exactly." He murmured as they clinked glasses and took a sip.

* * *

><p>"You know this music is kind of sexy." Emily commented.<p>

"I like to think so." He replied giving her a meaningful stare. She blushed and turned her head away for a moment.

"You look beautiful tonight Emily." He told his voice proud as he observed that in the time he had been away she had taken her hair down and it now fell around her shoulders and face, free and wild...It was so sexy, so beautiful - he could just imagine running his hands through it for hours...

"Even with chocolate stains?" She asked pulling him from his thoughts.

" Yes, you would look beautiful in anything but I'm sorry about your dress." He replied in mild embarrassment that was the risk you had to run when you had a small son, the dress had looked so perfect before, it seemed a shame to have it ruined.

"Thank you but honestly don't worry - it was an accident, besides it'll come out." She smiled blushing for what felt like the millionth time tonight.

"Can I say something Emily?" He asked.

"Of course." She murmured afraid of what was to come.

He took a deep breath before launching into what he had to say. He knew that this was strange and new for them both and he always knew he had to be mindful of her fragile state right now. He couldn't push her too hard or she would run away. Nevertheless, he wanted to make sure she knew that he was there for her if she should ever need him.

"I remember after Foyet stabbed me, you were the person there for me. You asked me a question when I woke up and it's stayed with me ever since, it made me realise that you would always be there so I'm going to ask you the same question and I'm only going to ask it once, not because I don't care or because I don't want to know but because I trust that you know that if you ever need me I'm here." He told her and watched as she drew in a nervous breath.

"You just have one question?" She asked knowing exactly what it would be. How was it even possible for him to be that understanding?

"No, I have so many questions that I don't even know where to start, but I know that you can't answer them all so I'm going to ask you just one." He told her.

"Ok." She replied, bracing herself.

"_Do you want to talk about what happened?" _He asked leaning in and taking her hand.

She looked down at their connected hands remembering the time when she had asked the same question. He had been so desperate, so lost and that was exactly how she felt now but unlike him, she could remember everything that had happened to her with astounding clarity and she simply didn't know where to begin.

"No. Not yet, but I will – when I know what to tell you, when I can explain." She told him and he seemed to accept this.

"Ok, but remember you don't have to explain anything – I just want to help." He smiled and she followed his lead.

"I can't believe that you went to so much effort for me." She told him after a few moments contemplative silence.

"I wanted to make it special, I wanted it to feel like a date..." He told her nervously.

"It does feel like a date, I love spending time with you like this." She told him, squeezing his hand, which still held hers.

"I was so nervous... you have no idea. I haven't done this... dating... since..." He trailed off as he realised he'd been about to mention Haley's name.

"Aaron it's Ok to say her name you know, I want to hear you talk about her. It's Ok that you still miss her and its Ok that you still love her." Emily soothed and Aaron was surprised by how similar her words were to those of J.J a week ago.

"Are you sure you're not psychically connected to J.J? Those are the exact same things that J.J said about my feelings for you." He told her.

"I'm serious, I don't expect you to stop loving her and I don't expect you to love me..." She told him.

"Emily I _do _love you – It took me a while to realise it and to accept it but I do love you. That's why this has been so hard for me..." He told her honestly. "I never told you how I felt and I thought I would never get that chance." He finished.

"I felt the same way. Before everything with Doyle I was so confused about what I was feeling for you, it didn't seem right – you were my boss, you still are - and I knew that it could never go anywhere but then I left and I realised that I missed you more than anything, in a different way to the way I missed the rest of the team. Every day I tried to fight against it, there was nothing I could do about it after all – I was supposed to be well, dead and I couldn't keep torturing myself but each day my feelings just kept getting stronger until I realised – I had been falling in love with you... I _am_ in love with you." She told him and it was all he could do not to jump off the chair and kiss her right now.

"You love me?" He asked for clarification.

"Mm hmm, I love you and you love me. We make a good pair." She smiled running her fingers along the top of her wine glass.

"Do you want to give us a try? Do you think you could put up with my old fashioned romance?" He asked hoping she would say yes.

"What about Strauss and the team?" She asked hesitantly, knowing that regulations were important to him.

"Do you really think I care what Strauss has to say? She let you come back to the team and she knows how close we already are. I'm not going to let her try to dismantle the team because of our feelings for each other and as for the team, they'll understand and they'll be fine with it." He reassured her.

"Oh well in that case, I am all for taking things slowly and doing things right - I think you might just be the last romantic in town. Just remember it's been a long time since I've been in any kind of relationship, as you could probably tell earlier. I'm sorry about the strawberry thing." She looked away in embarrassment.

"Well actually I thought that was a particular highlight of the evening so far, I had no idea fruit could be so... sexy." The last word sounded odd in his voice, like he had never really said it before, or like he wasn't used to using it in context.

"Trust me, fruit can be very sexy." She laughed and he followed suit – her giggle was infectious.

"Now I'm intrigued." He smiled, waiting to see what she would say next.

"I'm sure you are." She told him, her eyes flashing mischievously.

* * *

><p>They fell into comfortable silence as they finished their wine and she found herself studying him more closely than she had done in a while. She loved everything about the way he looked from the strong angular bone structure of his face to the modest but defined muscle tone of his arms. She could just imagine the way he would look without his usual uniform of suits and starched shirts as he balanced above her, preparing to make all of her dreams come true...<p>

"So what happens next?" She asked after a while, needing to break the tense, throbbing silence which surrounded her.

"Now I'm going to ask you for the pleasure of a dance." He told her, standing up and holding out his hand for her.

She hesitated a moment, she wasn't much of a dancer – sure she could hold her own in a club, getting down on the floor with Penelope and J.J or at least she had been able to before everything that had happened, but she had never been good at slow dancing – the kind that happened when a man had feelings for a woman and she had feelings for him. She was awkward and she more often than not ended up stepping on her partner's foot, it could be messy and yet he was looking at her with such love and such reassurance that she couldn't resist placing her hand in his and letting him pull her to her feet.

* * *

><p>She followed him to an open space which was illuminated by the glinting lights from the trees and she realised that every detail of this had been thought through. Here she had a perfect view of him and he of her and she really was finding that the romance of it all was getting to her and threatening to show its effect in the form of tears.<p>

"You really planned this out huh?" She asked as she felt his hand slide around her waist.

"I told you, I haven't done this in a while and I wanted to make sure that you had a good time." He smiled, it wasn't exactly an answer to her question but it was close.

"Is that why you chose this music?" She asked.

"I thought it might inspire you. Did you visit Cuba on your travels?" He asked, referencing the musical origin.

"It was a little too close to home, it was too much of a risk. I spent most of my time in Europe – I did spend a few days in Spain and saw some salsa dancing at a bar in Madrid but I'm afraid I didn't retain any of the moves." She giggled a little, feeling slightly more comfortable about discussing these things with him.

"Maybe we could learn together but for now I just want to hold you." He told her pulling her closer until they were body to body, their breath mingling as they began to sway.

"It feels so good to have you holding me." She whispered stroking her thumb across his hand much as she had done a week ago.

"You have no idea how long I've waited just to be this close to you, to hold you like this." He replied as they moved.

"It sounds to me like it's almost as long as I waited." She whispered into the shell of his ear.

"All I wanted for the past three years is a chance to hold you close and tell you that I love you and to know that you were safe." He told her honestly as she found herself giving him a light squeeze of comfort.

"Well now you know I'm safe, I couldn't be safer than when I am with you." She told him and she smiled as she felt his hands snake into her hair.

Clearly Agent Hotchner had something of a fascination with her new long hair. That was something she found incredibly sexy, she could use that knowledge to her advantage...

"I'm guessing you like the new haircut then?" She asked playing up to him for a moment.

"I like it very much. I think it makes you even more beautiful." He told her.

"You really think I'm beautiful?" She asked uncertainly. She had always lacked confidence about her looks and felt even less so now. Her body had changed and she was scarred in a way that she couldn't hide from forever.

"Yes, I really do." He assured her, brushing a loose tendril of hair from her face.

"Well I think you look handsome in short sleeves." She told him acknowledging the differences in his appearance for the first time.

"I thought you might appreciate it, I had considered wearing a tie but I thought it would be too much like work." He told her.

"I like you in a tie, besides there are plenty of other uses for that particular item of clothing." She flirted but then backed off, she had to remember that this was Aaron she was talking to, she had to remember that they both needed to get used to the idea of just being together before they thought of anything like _that_.

"I'd like to discuss what some of those are sometime Emily." He murmured and her heart began to skip. Had he really just said that?

"You would?" She asked shyly. Now she had started it, she didn't really know how to get out of it.

"You don't have to be afraid around me, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm also not a saint, I'm just a man and I have the same desires as any human being." He told her leaning close to her as he did so.

* * *

><p>She knew what was coming next, she could see it in his eyes and feel it in the subtle movement he made to close the gap between them. He wanted to kiss her, she wanted him to kiss her and yet it all seemed like it was running away from her. She wondered if doing things this quickly meant that the relationship, if there was one between them wouldn't last. She was terrified that letting him kiss her now would ruin what could otherwise be a perfect moment. Not that this night hadn't already been perfect enough and a kiss would just top it off in the best way possible but she wanted to take things slowly, she thought he understood that...<p>

He leaned closer to her until there were barely millimetres between them and she knew one more slight movement would join their lips. He was looking at her with such intent, with such desire that it almost frightened her. Right now she could tell that he really loved her, but still she was afraid of taking that next step too soon just in case... This had to be a slow burner, it was the only way she could control the overwhelming desire she felt for him.

As his lips began that final descent towards hers she found herself turning her head away. She hadn't meant it to be quite such a harsh action but still she had done it and she felt his lips land upon her temple.

He pulled away in surprise and they stopped dancing, they gave each other meaningful stares as each of them tried to figure out what had just happened between them.

"Emily... don't you want to?" He asked tentatively and she hated the pain in his eyes.

"Oh God Aaron... That isn't what this is about at all... Of course I want to, I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss you. It's just I don't want us to rush this... us..." She told him, wishing that there was some other way she could take away his pained expression.

"But I thought... Tonight has been perfect hasn't it?" He asked in confusion.

"Yes, everything has been wonderful,_ you _have been wonderful, but this is us... we have to be sensible about this because it has the potential to be something really good – I love spending time with Jack and I love spending time with you, so let's just take one step at a time Ok?" She told him, taking hold of his arms and running her hands along them in what she hoped was a comforting motion.

"But I... I just don't want to waste any more time, if all of this has taught me anything, it's that I can't ever be sure how long I have with you." He told her desperately.

"Aaron, if you keep thinking like that then you'll always be afraid. You have to let me live and you have to trust that I'll still be here tomorrow. I know you're concerned and I thank you for that but you have to start letting me do my job. I'm not going anywhere I promise. We have time." She tried to reassure him.

"I know I need to trust you but it's so hard, I have a habit of losing the people that I love." He told her wrapping his arms around her waist again.

"Aaron I promise you're not going to lose me. Just because we haven't kissed yet that doesn't mean that we never will Ok? That's a promise because I want to kiss you... I do, so give us a chance – give me a chance." She begged.

"Slow and steady wins the race?" He asked hopefully.

"Now there's a fable with a moral." She commented recalling a conversation she had had with Reid a long time ago.

"So you definitely want to try?" He asked.

"Yes I really do." She told him firmly.

"When?" He asked and she knew they were back to talking about the kiss again.

She leaned in really close to him her breath tickling the space behind his ear.

"Soon." She whispered kissing his neck lightly.

* * *

><p>As she pulled away and retrieved her bag from the table she could feel his eyes on her and she almost lost her resolve right there. She wanted to kiss him so badly, she needed to kiss him so badly and still she was determined to keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk towards the door. After a while he seemed to be pulled from his reverie and followed her.<p>

They walked back through the house and towards the front door, somehow he had come to be holding her holding her hand and as she was reaching for the handle she felt him pull her back until their bodies were flush against each other.

"You can't leave yet – you kissed me, so now I get to kiss you." He told her and before she could process the information or protest he had pressed his lips against her cheek.

"There that wasn't so bad was it?" He asked, not feeling satisfied at all – now he had tasted her skin he wanted her lips, he wanted everything she had to offer...

"A taste of things to come?" She replied with a question of her own.

"Absolutely – the question is when?" He asked desperately needing to know.

"Surprise me." She told him before she pulled her hand gently out of his grasp and opened the door.

"Goodnight Aaron." She told him.

"Goodnight Emily." He murmured finding himself staring after her long after she had gone...

* * *

><p><strong>Well there it is, hope you enjoyed it – would love to know what you thought of it. We all know the next chapter is going to be that ever elusive kiss right? Guess I'd better start writing it then. <strong>

**More soon. **

**Love always, **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	7. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

**Hey lovely people, thank you so much ****your reviews on this so far, it means so much to me and I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter. So now I must get to work on this one (the much promised kiss) and hope that it lives up to expectations... Since this is a romance, I wanted it build up slowly but surely as I explained but I am aware that this has an M rating which has certain connotations and that particular development in their relationship will not feature is this chapter but more likely in the next one – I love a slow, sexy little tease so bare with me... **

**My author's note this time is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal minds, its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**As always reviews make me smile and I love to read your thoughts on my work, they inspire me to keep writing and aim for the high standards of certain readers (BabyGurl0506 – that means you – thanks for your support honey!) I hope you aren't disappointed. This is dedicated to all my lovely reviewers, subscribers, everyone who has 'favourited' this or me in particular (how flattering is that, thanks everyone!) and everyone who has alerted this story. Those things mean more to me than you probably realise being that I'm not a very confident person when it comes to my writing, so as a thank you for your support I hope you enjoy this. **

**Final note: The title of this chapter is inspired by the song of the same name as recorded by Amy Winehouse, I borrowed my sister's Ipod and this song was first on the playlist, I've heard the original performed by the Shirelles (Dirty Dancing uber fan over here!) This version has being on my mind all day, I thought it was appropriate for my idea for this chapter... The lyrics will be used within the chapter so credit where's its due! Just keep the title in mind as you begin to read – that would be my advice. Ok, I'm ready to write now... **

* * *

><p>'<em>Just breathe, just do your job.' <em>She remembered thinking. She had been back what, a month now and yet she was still experiencing a severe rush of adrenaline hours after being involved in the latest take down the team had secured.

"_Shoot him damn it Prentiss! Take the shot" _She recalled Morgan yelling at her and only then had she found the strength to do what she should have done from the start.

God she was so frustrated with herself right now. She was an FBI agent, this was her job, she had been involved in countless take downs and yet somehow this one had been different from all those that had come before it.

'_Yeah and you know why don't you Emily?' _A voice from deep inside her chided and she found herself throwing her whole body into a powerful punch which landed hard on the punch bag hanging from the ceiling of the FBI gym. Admittedly she hadn't been here much in the past – the gym was not really her thing, she preferred running to stay fit and yet now she realised what she had been missing out on. This definitely felt good; it was the ultimate stress reliever – pummelling the bag like it was someone's head – more specifically like it was the bastard UNSUB's head or even Ian Doyle's head... Pounding it stroke after stroke with her fists was definitely helping her work through some of her issues but it certainly wasn't helping her forget the events of the last case they had just got back from.

The truth was she simply wasn't strong enough to do this job right now – neither physically nor emotionally and she was kidding herself into thinking that she was. It had been three years since she had had to use all of her physical strength to chase down and apprehend an UNSUB and it was taking its toll on her. That was part of the reason why things had almost gone horribly wrong this afternoon. She had to build her stamina, increase her fitness be on top of her game – that was why she had come here. She had made a mistake and she needed to be punished. Punishment came in the sweet excruciation of pushing her body to its limits. She intended to stay here until she collapsed into an excessively over exercised stupor or at least that's what she kept telling herself as she went up against her unrelenting and yet surprisingly submissive opponent over and over again. She had to be stronger, she simply had to be, that was the reason she was down here in the basement gym punching and kicking seven shades out of the inanimate gym equipment as darkness ensued outside... But that wasn't the only reason. That was only half the story. The second part, possibly the more truthful of the two halves was that she was hiding out – going somewhere she knew he would never expect her to be in the hope that she wouldn't have to face him at least until tomorrow.

The truth was that physical strength aside, she had let her emotions sway her actions in the field and that had almost cost them dearly. The number one rule in this job was to be objective. They were pushed to the limits of their emotional spectrum and whilst they were just people they were expected to possess a sort of inhuman quality. Today she had totally broken that rule and she had broken it in front of the entire team. For a moment, just a moment she had let her personal feelings enter the situation and that split second had been enough for the UNSUB to gain the upper hand and to threaten Hotch...

* * *

><p><em>It was just something about the way that he had headed straight into that house, no precautionary checks, no waiting for back up, not even the mandatory clearance of each individual room that he usually insisted upon. After Morgan had busted down the door he had just run right into the house with no regard for his own life, desperate to save the little boy and his mother whom it seemed reminded him so much of Jack and Haley. The rest of the team went about the checks clearing each room on the ground floor and it had been as Emily was coming out of the kitchen that she had heard a commotion on the upper floor. She hadn't even thought twice, not even stopping to consider the need for backup before taking the stairs two at a time and racing across the landing. She kicked open a couple of doors, noting that the rooms were empty. Doing a preliminary scan of the layout, she realised that there were three doors left unchecked. It was then that she began to regret not asking for back up – clearing these rooms would be a hell of a lot easier with two of them but she had known that Hotch was in danger and all that had mattered was getting him out of it. <em>

_She could still hear the signs of a struggle but she still had no clue whether Hotch was Ok or not. She advanced cautiously busting opening the next door she came to and finding... Both the victims of the case tied down to a king sized bed. As she approached with the upmost caution she realised that they were unconscious but thankfully breathing. She raised her wrist close to her mouth and spoke into her microphone, requesting that one of the team come up and attend to the victim whilst she located Hotch. Rossi's voice filled her earpiece asking desperately what had happened to him. _

"_I don't know yet, but I'm going to find him." She murmured moving closer to the second to last door left to open. She was sure that this was where the commotion had started from, but now everything was quiet – still she couldn't take the risk. _

_She kicked it clear, finding this task decidedly more difficult than she should have and pointed her gun straight ahead. What she saw as she entered the room made her freeze in her tracks... _

_Hotch was kneeling in the middle of the room, his hands bound and his face bloody and Emily was instantly taken back to the image of him covered in Foyet's blood after he had killed him. Maybe he had had a flashback to that moment as well and had tried to fight this guy as he had done with the Reaper. His eyes were desperate imploring her to help him and it was only when Emily took her eyes away from his face that she realised that the UNSUB, a great hulking mass of a man had a knife pressed to Hotch's throat. _

"_Put down the knife." Emily told him, knowing that it sounded weak as she stepped further into the room, her gun raised and aimed at his head. _

"_Get back! One more step and I'll cut his throat – you know it'll be done before your bullet even leaves the gun." He goaded. _

_Emily didn't know what to do. All of her training was deserting her. She knew in this kind of situation it was shoot to protect, shoot to kill but there was a note in the UNSUB's tone which struck a chord with her – like he would really be capable of following through on his words much more quickly than she could shoot him and she knew that wasn't true and yet here she was listening. One squeeze of the trigger and he would be history, so why was she hesitating? It was because she was terrified that Hotch was going to die at the hands of this guy. But she knew she could prevent that from happening – all she had to do was shoot. Maybe it was something to do with Doyle, some fear that she still held? But something was definitely halting her attempts to do the right thing right now. _

_Her gun wavered in the air, was she seriously considering lowering it? If she did he could easily kill them both. Jesus where was the rest of the team? _

'_Come on Emily, it's just you and you have to save the man you love.' She told herself but nothing seemed to work._

_Eventually she forced herself to step closer and this only earned her a tirade of abuse from the UNSUB. _

"_You think I won't do it? You think because you have a big scary gun pointed at my head I'll surrender?" He jibed pushing the knife into Hotch's throat pressing just hard enough to draw blood. _

'_Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.' Her brain just wasn't working... _

"_Emily..." Hotch begged and suddenly she was lost... Why wasn't her training kicking in? _

"_Shoot him damn it Prentiss! Take the shot!" Morgan yelled and suddenly she felt infused by strength. Of course she needed to shoot him, she had to protect Hotch. He hadn't even hesitated when it came to getting rid of Doyle for her, so why hadn't she done the same thing for him? Because she had been terrified that he would die right in front of her eyes whereas Hotch had had nothing to lose... _

_She took the appropriate stance and kept her eyes locked on Hotch as she pulled the trigger. The UNSUB – Gary Davison – fixed her with a shocked stare as he fell and she found herself crying shamelessly as Morgan ran into the room to check his vitals. _

"_How are the family?" Hotch asked, avoiding the eyes of the other team members. _

"_Fine. They're going to be Ok; an ambulance took them a few moments ago." Rossi told him, coming into the room and untying him. _

"_A good result." Hotch murmured. _

"_Yes... Now let's think about you hmm? An EMT will take a look at you alright?" Rossi told him helping to his feet. _

"_Jesus Emily what happened?" Morgan asked his tone harsher than he had meant it to be but he just couldn't understand why she hadn't taken the shot. _

"_Derek I told you this once before, because I like you I'm going to ask you not to do this Ok?" She begged pushing past him roughly and exiting the room, she needed air... _

* * *

><p>"<em>Emily!" Derek shouted following after her in a hurry. <em>

"_Derek please..." She told him tiredly. _

"_Last time you said that, you were in a pretty bad place if I remember rightly; now tell me what's going on." He told her. _

"_Nothing Derek, I just had a... wobble – I'm fine." She smiled weakly. _

"_Prentiss – don't turn away from me this time, trust me." He begged. _

"_I do, I promise you – I'm not going anywhere." She told him squeezing his arm as she looked over his shoulder and noticed Hotch was being attended to by the EMT. _

_His eyes met hers for a moment and then he looked away. It looked like she had really messed things up..._

"_At least I hope not." She told him. _

* * *

><p>All the way home on the jet Hotch had avoided her eye, not making any attempt to make conversation either to ask questions about her actions or to address the personal issues they both needed to face. He had stared stoically out of the window and had not said anything as they filed back through into the BAU and prepared to go home for some rest. That was why she was hiding out down her beating out all of her frustrations – at least this way she didn't have to face up to her mistakes or address the reasons why she had made them in the first place.<p>

She launched a full power kick at the bag and it ricocheted from side to side on its swivel hook and she was severely unprepared for its force on the return swing, which knocked her off her feet. Great, now she had even been defeated by a piece of gym equipment. Today had been a wonderful day... The force of her landing on the mat had caused her Ipod to change track abruptly and she went from listening to something which involved a lot of screaming to a soft, warbling love song she hadn't even known she had on her playlist. She closed her eyes for a moment and listened to the lyrics as she tried to regulate her breathing.

_*****Tonight you're mine completely  
>You give your love so sweetly<br>Tonight the light of love is in your eyes  
>Will you love me tomorrow? ***<strong>_

God this song was the perfect representation of how she felt right now. She couldn't really be sure that Hotch, Aaron, would even want to speak to her again, let alone that he would still love her in the morning when she had to face up to the fact that she had put his life in direct jeopardy because she had been terrified about the threat the knife posed. This really wasn't an excuse. She had allowed the UNSUB to gain the upper hand and to get inside her mind and he had almost won. She knew deep down that her shot would have killed him long before he had even made that cut to Aaron's throat and yet she had still let it continue, he had yet another knife inflicted scar to deal with now and that was her fault...

She got back on her feet knowing that if she had any hope of stopping the ensuing stiffness and sore muscles she was bound to experience she had to finish her hard core session with a cool down. She left the track playing as she began to stretch, glancing out of the high windows and noting that it was pitch black outside, it had to be close to midnight, perhaps now it was safe to leave. She knew Aaron stayed late but after they wrapped up on an away case he liked to get home to Jack and after what had happened today she was sure he wouldn't still be here but rather with his son appreciating their mutual safety.

Soon, she began to hum to the tune of the track and she found herself really listening to the words. In the adrenaline filled awkwardness between them after this afternoon's events had she sacrificed the first good thing to happen to her in years? Would it affect her ability to work as part of the team now they had seen her weakness and more importantly had she lost the man she had been falling in love with, whom she loved now with everything she had?

Somehow as she stretched she had gone from humming to full on singing and she was following the warbling voice of this English Jazz singer as she reached the crescendo of the song:

_*******__**But will my heart be broken  
>When the night meets the morning star? ***<strong>_

* * *

><p>Hotch entered the gym silently from the door just off the basement corridor. He noticed that her back was turned to him and she appeared to be stretching out and considering that he could make out the shape of boxing gloves on her hands, it was fair to assess that she had been participating in a pretty intense session with the punch bag.<p>

"Prentiss! Emily..." He called out her name but she didn't answer him. Either she was doing a very convincing job of ignoring him or there was some other reason why she hadn't heard him.

As he approached he became aware that she was wearing ear buds and singing at the top of her voice.

_*****I'd like to know that your love  
>Is love I can be sure of<br>So tell me now, cause I won't ask again  
>Will you still love me tomorrow?***<strong>_

* * *

><p>He reached out both his hands and pulled out her ear buds noticing how she immediately stiffened. He wondered momentarily if this was still to do with her fear of people in general since Doyle, or whether this was to do with the fact that she knew it was him. He didn't give her a chance to pull away before he leaned in close to her ear.<p>

"Yes. I will." He whispered, letting his lips press a delicate kiss to the back of her neck.

He heard her breath hitch and he couldn't help the smile which crept onto his lips. All she needed was a little reassurance. He certainly wasn't mad at her; he just wanted to check that she was Ok.

"How did you find me?" Emily asked keeping her eyes fixed forward. Her tone was bristly and panicked as if she had never intended to be found – that was the truth after all.

"I have been looking for you since we got back, I tried to catch your eye but you were gone before I could blink. I wanted to talk to you but by ten 'o' clock I was giving up hope of finding you – I'd been everywhere I could think you might be – Garcia's office, J.J's office, the cafeteria, even the shooting range on the firstfloor and you weren't in any of those places. That's when I bumped into Seaver, she was still here studying for a test and she mentioned that she'd seen you heading down this way." He told her, gripping her shoulders lightly and attempting to turn her to face him, she was stubborn when she wanted to be and it took several attempts before she finally pivoted towards him.

She studied him for a moment realising it was the first time she had really looked at him since this afternoon. He looked tired, like this case had taken its toll on him more than usual and she couldn't blame him – he'd been engaged in a struggle with the UNSUB and had sustained multiple injuries from the confrontation, that was in addition to the mental scars he must have sustained considering the presence of the knife and the similarities between his own personal hell and the hell the family involved had been put through and it was all her fault. All that had been expected of her was one little thing, something which would have stopped all of this from happening and she had failed.

"It's not as bad as it looks Emily."He soothed as her fingers traced first the small band aid that covered the superficial laceration on his forehead and then the larger gauze pad which was just visible beneath his slightly unbuttoned shirt.

"They shouldn't be that bad at all, this is my fault. God I am so stupid." She told him angrily – more at herself than him as she stepped around him and went for the punch bag again, pummelling it relentlessly.

"Emily stop this – stop it! This wasn't anybody's fault Ok? The UNSUB was cornered, I didn't wait for back up – he had a knife there was only one way it was going to go." He told her trying to get her to discontinue her assault on the bag.

"No! No more excuses! I wasn't strong enough – physically or mentally. I didn't do my job – I should have shot that bastard immediately but I had to wait for Morgan to tell me how to do what I have been trained to do by instinct. You could have been killed right there in front of my eyes and that is precisely the reason why I couldn't take the shot. I was terrified that the UNSUB was right, that he was going to kill you before I could kill him. He got inside my head, but more than that – you got inside my head – All I could think about was the possibility of losing you and everything just went out of my head. Strauss is right you know. There's a reason we're not supposed to enter into personal fraternisations... It messes everything up." She told him beating the punch bag again.

"Emily, this wasn't something that just affected you – I would have behaved exactly the same way if it was you or any of the others and I know you would have done exactly the same if it was Morgan or any of the team in that situation." Aaron tried to reassure her.

"I would have been worried yes, but I would have been objective – it was you and I couldn't handle it... We shouldn't be together, we're not good for each other – You watch me all the time, like you're terrified I'm going to disappear again and_ I_ couldn't even do my job today. We should just quit now before it gets too serious." Emily told him all the while continuing her assault on the punch bag.

"I thought this _was_ serious Emily. At least it is for me. We've been on what seven dates so far and I have to tell you I still haven't finished falling in love with you but I know that I'm serious about seeing it right through until my head catches up with my heart. I thought you were serious about this too, although clearly I have been living by some kind of misinformation." He told her, still grappling with her in an attempt to stop her incessant punches.

"Don't say it like that." She begged slowing down in her assault as she realised that things suddenly_ had_ become very serious.

"Like what? It's clearly the truth." Aaron told her, sounding harsher than he meant to – but the truth was she had hurt him in her lack of commitment to what he thought had been the start of something wonderful.

"You're wrong." She told him as she stopped punching out her frustrations and hugged the bag tightly instead.

He moved around it until he reached her hands, reaching out he began to unlace the glove on her left hand.

* * *

><p>"If I <em>am<em> wrong and you _are_ serious about this relationship, then you have to start trusting people again, you have to trust me and be sure that I won't hurt you. We need to remember that it's Ok to take things slowly and we have to understand that this phase will pass. Soon there will come a time when we trust each other enough to know that we would never jeopardise our lives and that neither one of us is going to go anywhere." He soothed as he threw the glove to one side and started on the laces of the other one.

"Is it safe?" Emily asked and he knew that she was right to ask the question. Could they really afford to take the risk of remaining the way they were in the field? It wasn't fair on the rest of the team and yet, the notion that they could go back to just being colleagues now seemed equally impossible.

"We just need some time to figure it out that's all, it might not be easy but we'll find a way because we have to be together I'm not prepared to consider any other option right now. I need to love you." He told her, getting out some more of his romantic optimism. It seemed to convince her on every other occasion, plus of course there was the fact that he meant every word.

"I need to love you too." She told him as he discarded the glove and fixed her with that intense stare that told her he had something important to say.

He grabbed her hand and began pulling her away from the punch bag which had so quickly become her best friend and her worst enemy tonight and she let it go with ease now that she knew everything was Ok between them.

He pulled her close wrapping his arms around her slender frame and fitting their bodies together. Was this it? Was this the moment they had both been waiting for? He was leaning closer and closer to her and she wasn't stopping him... and then the bag swung back towards them and knocked them clean off their feet and they landed in a crumpled heap on the mats.

* * *

><p>For a moment they were both too shocked to speak or to register what had happened and then it hit them both and she let out a long, full bodied laugh and soon he was joining in and their laughter made everything bad suddenly seem insignificant compared with this moment, when his body was trapping hers and they were pressed so tightly together that she could feel his heartbeat thrumming against hers.<p>

"Well..." She breathed out the word with a wide smile and for a moment they were frozen.

"Tell me... Does this qualify as enough of a surprise Emily?" He asked, his face inches from hers as he lifted some of his weight from her, placing his knees on either side of her outstretched body.

"Surprise?" She asked quizzically, his proximity was having a giddying effect on her right now and was making it incredibly difficult for her to concentrate. He didn't say anything for a moment and then she understood exactly what he meant.

"Oh you mean the kind of surprise I've been waiting_ eight _dates to receive?" She teased, emphasising the exact number of dates they had been on.

His brow knitted as he took in what she said, he was so sure he had kept track of all the times they had been together, throughout most of which he had ached with the overwhelming desire to kiss her. Arranging dates was difficult since he also liked to spend his down time with Jack so for all but one precious dinner they had all been together every time he had asked Emily on a date and that meant kissing had been strictly off limits – they didn't want to confuse Jack after all. But now was an entirely different matter... still he couldn't work out where this eighth date had suddenly materialised from.

"Eight?" He asked, his breath tickling her cheek.

"Mm hmm... Eight, if of course we're counting Jack's popcorn party last Saturday..." She murmured.

"Oh we definitely should... Eight it is then." He told her with a smile, remembering how she had curled her body into his as Jack sat through animated film after animated film...

Great, and it is by the way..." Emily replied with a sparkle in her eyes.

"What is?" He asked a little confused.

"This... It's enough of a surprise." She told him, reaching up and raking her hand through his dark hair.

"Oh..." The word escaped him in a rush of desire, his eyes flashed as he realised exactly what that meant, after years of imagining what it would be like, he was finally going to get to know what it felt like to kiss Emily Prentiss.

She stared up him with distressed eyes as he teased her. He was hovering so close to her lips and yet he would not give in, he would not travel those final millimetres to close the gap in order to forge a new kind of connection between them, one that surpassed the deeply rooted emotional love they had already begun to feel for each other and demonstrated a physical representation of their feelings.

"I have been waiting a long time to do this Emily..." He whispered.

"Then do it... Please." She begged as his lips came closer to hers...

* * *

><p>He had imagined it so many ways. At first he had imagined kissing her just to shut her up when she fought him over a case or over his political stance but it had quickly grown into a need rather than an action, even before Haley had died he had always been aware of something, he had just always been the type of man to stay faithful and he had loved his wife. His feelings for Emily had always been peculiar to him, not quite lust, not quite love and so many of the kisses he had imagined had been confused, heated and passionate but somewhat meaningless. Never had he imagined that first time he kissed her would be after having admitted that he loved her and never had he imagined it quite like this – with her completely silent and waiting for the moment when his lips would meet hers but somehow this seemed perfect.<p>

* * *

><p>He moved his head closer to her and just like that their lips met. At first they remained equally motionless as they tried to recover from the shock of the action, but after a moment he moved his lips against hers and was delighted by the fact that she responded immediately.<p>

Their movements were tentative, his lips caressed the fullness of her own mouth so gently, so lovingly that she was sure she was going to fall apart at any moment. Her hand slid down the back of his neck as she tried anything, everything to pull him closer but still his touches, his kiss remained delicate and considerate. He lingered for just a moment before pulling away and opening his eyes.

When he looked down at her she was wearing such a blissfully peaceful expression that he couldn't help but smile. He felt the same contentment start to fill him. This was the way it was always supposed to have been, the two of them together.

"That was..." He trailed off searching for the words to describe how amazing just that single, tender kiss had been but she interrupted before he could finish the sentence.

"Not enough Aaron." She told him, sitting up slightly and forcing him to adjust his position to accommodate her new pose.

"There's one thing you should know about me, probably one of the only things you haven't already figured out and that's that I don't like to be teased." She continued as her arms looped around his neck and she eyed his lips with intent.

* * *

><p>He swallowed hard, loving her sultry tone as she leaned in close to him. God she was sexy and he wanted her but he knew she had enforced rules, they had to take things slowly and in honesty if that meant he got to enjoy long, languorous kisses which could only begin to hint at the passion they felt for each other and at the magic of the love they would eventually make, then he was happy.<p>

She wrapped her body around his, wondering if it would cause him discomfort since he was still kneeling but finding that her need to feel his lips again overpowered her concern. She didn't even give him a single second to reply before her lips were on his...

She pulled gently at his lips with her own and couldn't help but let out a soft moan as she felt his tongue pressing against the fortress which guarded the sweet, intimate cavern of her mouth. She tried to resist for a few moments more, teasing him as she had been teased but then she felt his strong arms pulling her closer, forcing their bodies to mould together and she couldn't help but gasp as she felt his desire for her pressing instantly against her own intimacy. That gasp was used to Agent Hotchner's advantage and he began stroking the walls of her mouth in a continued exploration of the woman he loved.

She let him continue his slow, steady strokes around her mouth for a few moments more but suddenly became impatient to increase the passion of the kiss. With this is mind she sought out his tongue with her own until they were engaging in a kind of tango, each wrapping around other, caressing, stroking and teasing their adversaries for dominance. They were both strong and passionate and neither one of them was willing to show a single sign of submission.

Their bodies seemed to be following the actions of their tongues, so tangled were they that it became impossible to define them as two separate entities. In fact they shared kiss seemed to be suggesting that each was providing the other with a kind of life support and without this connection, life as they knew it would cease.

She moaned in outright exasperation as she felt him begin to pull away slightly. Sure she was beginning to see spots and she knew that this was due to oxygen depletion but she felt like right now, the power of this kiss was worth suffering for. Eventually though she had to relent and slowed the pace, still refusing to sacrifice this perfect moment entirely. She pulled at his lips for just a moment more and then felt herself being forced for his mouth despite her reluctance as he pushed her back down onto the mat.

She opened her eyes after she had made sure she had stored the memory of the kiss and noticed that his eyes were dark with an intense kind of lust.

"Now that was perfect." She smiled up at him, whimpering slightly as he shifted, causing his desire to be pressed against her thigh.

He pressed another swift kiss to her lips as his hands began to explore lower, tracing the swell of her breasts through the tight Lycra vest she wore and glided over the curves of her hips.

" Emily... You are so beautiful." He murmured and she began to panic as she felt his hands slip beneath the vest.

Oh God. He was going to find her out and then they would be finished. He wouldn't want her once he knew the truth that much she was sure of. She tried to distract him, reaching her own hand between their bodies and trying to move his hand, to stop him from finding out but the halting of his movements and the way he looked at her told her she was already too late.

He had been so surprised by how far she was letting this go, he had been surprised by how forward he was being but there was just something about that kiss and its intoxicating hold over his senses that made him want more, want all of her. That was how his hand had found its way beneath her vest and he had loved the delicious contraction of the planes of her stomach beneath his touch and the occasional sighs of pleasure she emitted but then his fingers had brushed something that most definitely was not skin and he had felt her trying to distract him, to pull away.

* * *

><p>Now as he stared into her tortured eyes he was beginning to understand. They hadn't yet had the conversation about the physical changes to her body or the way his chest looked since Foyet's attack and he had been trying to think of an appropriate way to breach that particular subject. He guessed this was as good as any. He needed to make her understand that these things didn't matter, that to him she would be beautiful no matter what she felt about her body. They both had scars, physical and mental and they could both heal each other, she just needed to trust him that was what she needed to do...<p>

He sat up and noticed that she had continued to lay there, completely motionless with her head turned away from him. Despite this, he could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes and he would have given anything to make them go away.

Without saying a word, he reached down and lifted the vest a little – just enough to allow him to make eye contact with the thin white gauze pad which covered what could only be the scarring from Doyle's attempt to kill her.

"Does it still cause you pain?" He asked admittedly a little confused.

"No." She whispered tearfully.

"Then why?" He asked tracing his fingers across the edges of the pad tenderly.

"You've heard of psychological scars right?" She asked a little sardonically.

"Of course, we all have those Emily – God knows I do." He told her, desperate to understand.

"Well I think mine are a little more deep rooted than most people's." She told him evasively.

"I don't understand." He admitted.

"I haven't... I haven't been able to look at it since it happened. It was easy at first, I went to the clinic and had the dressings changed, I didn't have to look then, but then when they told me I'd have to do it myself until it fully healed I would just avoid the mirrors - I haven't looked at my body properly in three years. I just close my eyes and use my hands to guide me. It feels bad enough, God only knows what it looks like." She whispered.

"What do you find so hard about looking at them, the scars I mean?" He asked, completely bypassing the fact that she hadn't looked at her body in three years.

"I'm terrified that I'll see him when I look at them. He marked me, I'm his... He made it so no man will ever want me again." She told him, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Emily listen to me Ok, look at me... He does not own you – you do not belong to him, scars are the marks of the things we've been through and the things that we've survived. They don't have to be bad things. At first, when I looked in the mirror and saw mine I probably felt the same way as you did – That Foyet owned me but now I think of them as a symbol of my own strength. I came out of it alive and so did you Emily and as for not being wanted – I think that you would have to be crazy to think that something like a scar would stop me from wanting to be with you. I don't care how bad you think it is, to me you will always be beautiful." He promised.

"How can you say that without even seeing it?" She asked wiping at her tears furiously.

"I can be sure because I am in love with _you_ Emily and _you_ are defined by more than your scars, they're significant yes and they can't be ignored but they don't change the way I feel about you and they shouldn't change the way you view yourself either." He told her confidently.

"It'll be ugly, I won't look the way you want me to look." She told him, watching as his fingers still traced the gauze.

"No you're right you won't look the way I imagined that you would – You'll look even better because nothing that I imagined so far could ever compare to what we have, so just trust me Ok because I am going to love you whether you think I will or not." He assured her.

"Aaron, I'm scared... I don't think I can do this – it'll be like going right back to that moment, it'll mean seeing his face all over again." Emily told her worriedly.

"You don't have to be afraid because we'll do it together alright? Whenever you're ready we'll face up to our scars together and that way when you look at them you'll think of us and our future together." He told her with a smile.

"You would do that for me?" She asked tearfully.

"Emily when will you understand that I would do anything for you – Take out a threat to your safety, leave you a thousand voicemail messages, spend all night looking for you and help you come to terms with your scars. I'm here to love you and loving you means that I can be whatever you need me to be, I'll do whatever it takes." He told her, wondering if this sounded a little over the top even for him as a romanticist, but it was the truth – he always told her the truth no matter what that cost him in terms of reputation, there were more important things in life and she was one of them.

"You are so sweet." She whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.

"Of all the words you could have chosen – Smooth, dashing, debonair, sexy – you chose 'sweet'." He laughed as he drew back.

"Oh that's not a bad thing Agent Hotchner. In fact it's your sweet disposition that makes you sexy." She told him suggestively.

"Really?" He asked doubtfully.

"Really." She breathed, sitting up and staring at him.

* * *

><p>After the longest moment of mutual silence in which the air around was charged with everything they didn't say and the acts of desire they didn't follow through on, Hotch got to his feet holding his hand out for her.<p>

"I think it's about time we left don't you? We have an early start tomorrow and it's after midnight." He told her.

"I'm sorry I kept you so late, you must have wanted to get home to Jack." She told him as he pulled her to her feet.

"Hey it's not a problem, Jack's with Jessica tonight I'll pick him up from school tomorrow. I'm just glad that I found you – that I got to kiss you like that – you are amazing." He told her and she leant into him to show him exactly how amazing all over again.

As they got to their cars Emily turned to him and studied his face, all she saw there was love and sincerity and she hoped that her face reflected the same emotion.

"We can do this right? Have a proper relationship I mean." She asked and she saw his smile before he even began to speak.

"You mean a relationship which extends past an emotional basis?" He teased.

"Yeah I guess... I mean yes I meant a physical relationship." She replied and he could see her blush despite the darkness surrounding them.

"I think we'll be just fine Emily, so long as we do this together and as long as you trust that no matter what else happens I will never hurt you and I always think that you are beautiful." He told her.

"Together." She murmured.

"Together." He agreed, pressing his body against hers for one final kissing and in the process he managed to show her exactly how possible a physical relationship would be.

"Oh..." She whispered, feeling her breath hitch.

"Goodnight Emily." He told her quietly, unlocking his car.

"Goodnight Aaron." She whispered , more than a little disappointed as she got into her own car.

* * *

><p>As she drove home she felt like she was on fire as she considered everything that had happened today. Despite her mistakes and her imperfections he still loved her, he still wanted her – he had done more than enough to prove that with his steamy passionate kisses and romantic words and she loved him for that.<p>

As she pulled into the parking lot of her building she had to berate herself for being so guarded and reserved when it came to her feelings. Exactly why she hadn't invited him to come home with her she would never understand. After eight dates – most of which had involved his son, she was certain that what she felt for him was indeed love and she didn't even need to question his feelings for her – she knew he reciprocated them just as passionately. She guessed the truth was she was insecure about her body and the way she looked, she always had been and after everything that had happened with Doyle she knew those insecurities would only resurface with a greater degree of violence. More than that it was the fact that the act of giving herself to him completely was the boldest, clearest way in which she could articulate how much she loved him and she wanted to ensure that they had a love that was based upon more than sex. But hadn't he proven that? He had waited patiently over eight dates before surprising her with a kiss in order to make her feel comfortable and tonight when she had been fearful, he hadn't pushed her too far, he had simply been loving and understanding and shown her that he would wait for however long it took.

'_You're too much of a Geek – that's your problem, you don't really understand how to be sexy around him do you?' _She heard her inner voice chiding and she knew on some level that it was true.

She had never really been with a man that she truly loved and she didn't know how to differentiate between the sex she was so used to and the making love that she wanted to happen with Aaron. She guessed she would have to swot up pretty fast because she wanted him and she wanted him soon... She felt her desires bubbling up inside of her and she knew that walking around with those at work was just going to make things impossible.

* * *

><p>As she unlocked the door she heard the phone ringing and ran to answer it. As soon as she did his voice, his sexy , rolling baritone voice filled her ear.<p>

"_Soon, I promise."_ He told her as if he could read her mind.

"Soon." She replied demonstrating how much this news pleased her in the relief on her tone.

"_I love you Emily."_ He assured her.

"I love you too." She told him and then he was gone.

As Emily climbed into bed a short while later, her head was filled with dreams of exactly how soon that day would come...

* * *

><p><strong>Right Ok there it is. I told you I'd get carried away. I'm officially off to hide behind the sofa now because I know a lot of you have been waiting for this chapter and have expectations about it and I hope it reached those expectations... I think we all know what's coming in the next chapter so I would love to know what you thought of this one and whether you want the next one... <strong>

**Thanks for reading, I know they're always long chapters. **

**Love **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


	8. The Seduction of Emily Prentiss

**Hello lovely people : -) **

**I wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter of this, it means so much to hear your thoughts and I'm glad you enjoyed the kiss... Heaven knows I was nervous about it but those nerves have nothing on the rate my heart is beating at when I consider the chapter I know have to write eek! Anyway, I have been reading lots of fics, thinking lots and trying to come up with the best way for the M rating on this fic to come into play. I've written quite a few love scenes by now but I have been this nervous about doing one – I guess it's because I've set this couple up not to be 'conventional', anyway this is the result of my many days thinking time and I hope you like it. I would love to know what you thought about it, reviews always make me smile and inspire faster typing. **

**This is dedicated to **_**BabyGurl0506 **_**because I want her to know how much she is loved and ****for being truly amazing ever since I started talking to her a few weeks ago, your support is like gold dust honey and there is a very particular part of this chapter that is written just for you – I wonder if you'll spot it? I've done some careful research for that particular part so all proper credit will be attributed at the end of the chapter since I don't want to spoil the surprise!**

**My author's note remains the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. The quotation used at the beginning of this chapter was the result of a very brief sift through copious amounts of romantic quotations produced by a basic search engine, there was no official author, although the origin has been accredited. **

**P.S '**_**Set up with the Agent', **_**the novel mentioned in this chapter belongs to Lori L Harris and all credit should be given to her, I just borrowed a couple of things... **

**P.S: Sorry for the mention of Christmas at the beginning of Summer but I wanted to show a time progression in this chapter and since I already made their first date in the summer sunshine I figured I could make their 'first time' at Christmas, well that's the official excuse I'm giving, of course the truth is I am the biggest fool for Christmas and just needed a reason to write about it!**

**Now to the writing, please know as I begin to type the first words of this I am officially shaking in my boots... **

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Love is blind. That is why he always proceeds by the sense of touch." French Proverb.<strong>_

The cold night might have been setting in outside the windows but on the jet, thousands of miles high in the sky, SSA Emily Prentiss was rather hot and bothered. This had little to do with the temperature inside the aircraft and everything to do with the Harlequin romance she was reading, Lori L Harris' _Set Up With the Agent. _Ever since she had started dating Aaron Hotchner, she had taken to reading romances which concerned their profession. Perhaps it had something to with the fact that they had both mutually and silently decided to continue on their 'taking it slowly' track ever since that first, amazing kiss they had shared. Sure they kissed all the time (when it was practical and when they could be sure that they wouldn't be caught) and they spent their Sundays off snuggling up together on his couch but they hadn't actually progressed in terms of the physical relationship they had tentatively discussed on that same night almost four months ago. He had called her and promised her that it would be 'soon' and he seemed to want that to be the reality for them, but every time they got the opportunity to be alone, after a case when Jack stayed with Jessica for example, she always made some excuse for them not to be together. He had asked her a few times why she kept doing it – was it that she didn't want him in that way? Was she having doubts about their relationship perhaps? These were both questions that Emily had known the answer to immediately.

No.

That was the answer most definitively to both questions. It wasn't that she didn't want him in that way. Of course she did, sometimes the simple act of looking at him made her body ache with desire but for some reason she just couldn't commit to that last step. As for doubting their relationship, she could tell him without hesitation that she most definitely was not having doubts. She loved him, she wanted to be with him and her body told her that she was ready for him, ready to take that physical step with him and yet still her mind hesitated.

She knew of course that it was because she still couldn't quite come to terms with the fact that they were indeed a couple. Hotch had always been her boss, a respected colleague and at times a fierce friend and now she spent her free time going on dates with him during which he shared feelings with her that she had never imagined that he would utter. She didn't want to give him up, she loved him too much, it was just that she needed to get over the weirdness. She needed to get over her issues and although he had promised her that any abnormalities in her physical appearance would not deter his feelings for her, she still doubted that fact. She still had to wonder whether when it came to the moment when she would be laid bare before him, all of her scars and imperfections on display, he would run and never look back. God knew that was what she wanted to do just at the thought of what her body would look like beneath the gauze she insisted upon wearing and she wouldn't blame him if he felt exactly the same way.

So in the absence of the physical aspect of their relationship, she had taken increasingly to reading these romance novels and today's choice was particularly stirring. She had hidden it inside of one of the manila folders she had been carrying in her bag and pretended to be reading of her case notes with avid interest whilst in truth she was biting down on the walls of her cheeks to stop herself letting out the low moans she wished she could emit as she read about Beth and Mark, not failing to notice the similarities between the characters and herself and Hotch.

She felt her heart rate quicken as she reached a particularly _descriptive _love scene and she could not help the involuntary responses of her over sensitised body. She felt her abdominal muscles clench into a tight knot as she read, her index finger flicking the pages over with practised speed. She hadn't realised she had been quite so frustrated but it seemed that she was more than ready to be set up with her very own Mr FBI.

She flicked her eyes up from the novel, seeking him out across the jet. She always felt a pang of hurt when he didn't choose the seat next to her, but he had explained it to her when she had confronted him about it a few weeks ago and she had been quite satisfied if not a little shocked by his answer. Apparently sitting in such close proximity to her on a case was not an option since she caused irrationality to consume his mind and all professional thoughts to desert him. She felt for him, really she did, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

He was sitting in the adjacent aisle, not quite opposite her and his head was down. She scanned the folder in his hands, knowing that Aaron would not be hiding a raunchy romance novel between the covers. No, he had the sense to be more professional than she could be when she was around him and she respected him for that.

She wondered briefly if he could feel her gaze. If he could, he was doing a damned good job of pretending otherwise and that excited her. If he wasn't meeting her eye that meant he was probably feeling just as excited as she was and that at least, was some consolation for her apparent inability to give into their mutual desire. After a while, she tore her eyes from him, ceasing her appraisal of his dark hair and rugged handsomeness and returning her eyes to the novel she was reading.

As she reached the closing pages, she couldn't help but substitute the names Beth and Mark for Aaron and Emily and as the novel reached its climatic point and she snapped it shut, she found herself retaining the image of Aaron Hotchner as the dark, brooding hero and herself as the poor little damsel in distress. She closed her eyes as she mulled these thoughts over and soon they became so vivid that she really wasn't sure she was imagining them at all...

* * *

><p><em>He threw down the case folder with such savageness that it shocked her. She had been watching him intently, studying every line and contour of his sculpted face from the limited vantage point across the aisle, frustrated by the fact that the jet's reading lights only illuminated a partial image of his perfection. As the manila folder hit the plastic table with a slap, she found she couldn't tear her eyes from him. He seemed angry. That was probably an understatement. <em>

_He rubbed a wide hand across his face in an attempt to push some of the fatigue he felt from his mind before raising his head a little and locking eyes with the object of his desire. She had been tempting him for months with every kiss, with every flirtatious bat of her eyelashes and even in her attempts to play mother to his child and quite frankly he was through with it. He wanted her and he would be damned if he was going to continue to be a gentleman about it. He was a man not a mouse and he was sure as Hell going to remind her of that fact... _

_His eyes locked onto hers and she noticed that they were black as coals. Never in her life had she experienced such raw lust and it made her heart beat a million times a minute just comprehending this notion. She felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment and lust as he held her gaze with an unrelenting determination. _

_He got up then, surpassing the rest of the team who all appeared to be sleeping – his goal clear. He was heading straight for her, his eyes dark and passionate as he beckoned for her to join him at the back of the jet. _

_She followed him wordlessly; her heart feeling like it was in her throat as he drew the curtain around them and pressed her against the metallic wall of the jet fiercely. She gasped, the ferocity of his actions surprising her. _

"_Prentiss." He growled out her surname gutturally and her body convulsed. _

_His lips possessed hers as his hands, wide and rough gripped the material of her blouse and ripped either side apart. There was no civility; no tenderness just raw desire and she had to smile against his hard mouth as she heard her buttons flying in several directions. _

_He drew back then, his hands already on his belt. He wanted her, he had to have her and he was going to do it now. _

_His lips briefly skimmed the soft exposure of her cleavage and she sighed out his name, loving the sensation of his hot mouth on her cool, sensitive skin. _

_She shrugged out of the blouse. If this was happening, it was happening fast – they couldn't risk being caught after all. It was dangerous, it was exhilarating... _

_He drew back then, pulling her head round to face him. He may have been acting like Casanova, he may have been assuming that this was the woman he wanted and this was the woman he would have – here and now without further adieu, but he still remembered how to be sensitive. Perhaps he was pushing her too hard; perhaps she was expecting something different. _

_That was it, in that moment he knew. This was the woman he loved and he needed to treat her with respect. His stared at her with tortured eyes and she was lost. *He looked at her and she looked at him and they just knew, in that magical moment they knew this had always been meant to be*... _

"_Emily." He breathed and she nodded her acquiescence. _

_He pushed her harder against the wall, his hands blindly feeling their way to the fastening of the skirt she was wearing... _

"_Aaron..." She moaned out his name as she felt a lick of air against more exposed flesh... _

* * *

><p>"Emily! Emily!" Someone was calling and for a moment she was sure it was him, her dark, handsome and ruthless lover until she cleared her head and the fantasy disappeared.<p>

She opened her eyes and realised that she had done the one thing she had sworn she would never do, she had allowed herself to become so consumed by her desires that she had let the lines of reality and fiction blur...

"Em are you Ok?" J.J asked worriedly, leaning down close to her friend.

"Mm hmm, fine." She muttered, knowing from the burn that she could feel there, that her cheeks were blazing again...

"You were murmuring... We were worried at first... until we really listened... You were saying_ his _name..." J.J told her and Emily didn't even bother to pretend that she didn't know what her friend was talking about.

"Did everyone hear?" She asked worriedly, afraid that the secrecy of their relationship had been jeopardised.

"It's Ok... Don't worry it happens." J.J replied inadvertently answering the question.

"Oh God..." She breathed, casting her eyes around and searching out Hotch...

"We've landed and the others went on ahead, you were pretty hard to wake up." J.J told her and Emily had to breathe a sigh of relief, at least she could figure out what the Hell she was going to tell him, how she was going to explain...

* * *

><p>"So... Reliving a memory or...?" J.J probed as they got off the jet and headed back to the BAU.<p>

"Um..." Emily stumbled a little, she was a very private person and this kind of direct question attacked her defences more than a little.

"Come on..." J.J prompted.

"Look J.J you know all of this is new for me, I haven't been in a relationship for a really long time, and I don't really want to discuss this." She told her in a closed tone.

"What does that really mean Emily? I tell you stuff about Will and I all the time." J.J whined.

"Oh that _is_ rich, this from the woman who didn't admit that she was seeing her partner for how long? Neglected to mention a pregnancy and refuses to marry the man she loves..." Emily quipped.

"With Will and I things are..." J.J attempted to defend herself but Emily cut across her.

"Exactly the same as things between Hotch and I. You like to do things privately and so do we Ok?" Emily told her frankly.

"Oh you're no fun!" J.J sulked but she knew when she should admit defeat.

* * *

><p>They walked the rest of the way to the unit in silence and J.J split off from her almost as soon as they entered in order to go to her office. Emily couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, she felt like she had escaped. She realised the only reason she felt awkward about discussing her relationship with Aaron was because they had set a pace, a slow and steady tease and the girls certainly wouldn't understand. She didn't understand why she was still so hesitant to admit that they were in fact more than work colleagues in front of the team. They had been together a few months now and of course the team had been told, they had figured that it was better to have the whole team on side if they were ever to face an interrogation by Strauss - at least this way they could work out a cover. The team knew and had accepted the news without much of the fuss she had been expecting and yet she always felt ambushed when their relationship was mentioned publicly.<p>

Perhaps it had to do with the fact that the team didn't seem to make a big deal out of their being colleagues whereas for her it was a constant barrier. Was it really practical to be in a relationship with someone who was always going to be her superior? Was it safe enough in the field – how could she ever trust that she wouldn't freak out again and what if he went through a similar process? Was it Ok that she worked with him for hours during which he maintained professional distance and then when she left work her head was filled with thoughts of him in his most unprofessional capacity? She supposed it really came down to the fact that in the end for their relationship to ever stand a chance, she had to accept that she was just a woman and he was just a man. It didn't matter that she was Emily Prentiss, a woman who had 'come back from the dead' this year and that he was Aaron Hotchner, a man so desperate to maintain his career and look after his son that sometimes he became less a human and more a machine. In terms of their life together, surnames and ranks didn't have to matter – they could be just Emily and Aaron, if only they could both accept that...

She thought about this as she checked her desk, hoping against hope that there was no extra paperwork waiting for her. Thankfully, some kind entity seemed to be shining down on her this afternoon since the sum total of the work she needed to do was sign off on her report. She wondered if the same could be said for the man in her life. She glanced quickly towards his office, noting that his attention seemed fixed upon his computer screen. She hoped that didn't mean there was another case. They had only just landed and they were all tired, added to that was the fact that it was the weekend before Christmas. They needed a break, everyone was getting into the spirit and another case now would just be depressing.

Of course, she wasn't even sure how Christmas was going to work this year. She usually spent it begrudgingly at her mother's house, but since her return, things had been greatly improved between them and she was actually looking forward to the prospect of spending the day with her. However, there was the not so small matter of the two new men in her life: Aaron and Jack. He hadn't mentioned anything yet, but she had to wonder whether he would ask her to spend the day with them. She guessed it was all part of the waiting game because Christmas was for family and spending the day at the Hotchner residence said something pretty definitive about her status in their family... didn't it?

Still that was almost a week away, there was time to work out the dynamics. For right now, she had to wonder whether she would see him at all this weekend, given that they had just come off a case and there was likely to be a pile of paperwork he would never dream of burdening the team with on this festive weekend, but which had to be completed nonetheless. The thought was rather rueful, to think of him holed up over the weekend with reams of pointless but mandatory paperwork.

She climbed the steps to the office, her plan was to check in on him – see if he needed a coffee and some help – whilst trying to gauge how mad he was about events on the jet...

* * *

><p>She knocked and he called out that she should enter. She stood awkwardly just inside of the office for a moment after closing the door and she wondered whether she would ever get over this nerdy awkwardness she seemed to possess around men and this man in particular...<p>

"Hotch I..." She started, even remembering their rule – to use surnames at the office – but he cut her off before she could begin to explain.

"One too many Harlequin's I think yes?" He asked without looking up, that was a bad sign – she couldn't judge his expression as he remained fixed upon whatever he was looking at on the screen.

"Um..." She swallowed hard, not knowing how to answer that question, it was the truth but how would it look if she told him she was so desperate for his touch that she had been forced to resort to romance novels as a release?

Why hadn't she just talked to him about it? He was always encouraging her to be open and honest and she expected him to return that courtesy so why hadn't she spoken to him about this? Because it was a sensitive subject and as her conscience constantly chided, the truth was she had no idea how to be sexy around him. She didn't know what his likes were or the things he hated, she didn't know what type of lover he responded to, what he expected from her and equally he didn't know those things about her. Was that Ok? Did that make it more exciting?

"You know this makes for intriguing reading, I could certainly see similarities between myself and Mark and your likeness to Beth was astounding... Is that why you chose it?" He teased, finally looking up at her with a smile in his eyes.

"Oh God... I..." Emily stuttered and he laughed.

"_Set Up With the Agent _hmm it seems it's pretty clear what you were thinking don't you think?" He quipped.

"Hotch..." She groaned out his name in frustration, why was he doing this to her?

"Hey, we'll talk about this later, come and look at this, I just picked up an email from Jack's school, it was sent two days ago." He told her and she was immediately concerned.

"Is he Ok?" She asked worriedly.

"Yes, he's fine. It's from his class teacher Miss Ferris, it's says something about increasing the children's technical awareness and regards the Christmas Production. Apparently all the children have recorded video invitations. Come and see." He beckoned to her and she stepped around the back of his chair leaning towards the screen a little, the scent of his cologne filling her nostrils headily.

Hotch clicked the link to the attachment and it took a couple of seconds for the video to buffer before Jack's face filled the screen. He hit the play button and they both watched as Jack informed them about the Christmas Production his class were putting on.

_Hi Daddy, _

_I know you already know about the play on Friday but I wanted to send this invitation to Emily. Do you think she'll come? It's at school this Friday and it starts at 6.30. I told Miss Ferris that'll you'll probably still be away but we had to record the message anyway. I hope you can come. I love you Daddy. _

His eight year old son told him with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. For years now ever since Jack had been born, he had always missed out on things like this. Sure, he was still Jack's father and he liked to think that Jack knew how much he loved him but as Haley had so often reminded him, there was more to being a father than just the name. When you became a parent, there was the expectation that you would get up early on Saturday mornings and freeze half to death watching little league games, that you would know exactly what to say when it came to the school bully or the tricky math homework. More than this, it was expected that you would be at every birthday party, thanksgiving and Christmas and that your attendance would not be symbolic, in the form of a phone call or worse still a sad excuse for a birthday card. Yes, there were lots of things expected of a father, this being as it was his job – the one he was supposed to relish and yet how many times in the past had Aaron been exactly the type of absentee father he had promised to Haley that he would never be? Too many to count, and despite the fact that things were better now, he always felt like there would never be enough time to reclaim those memories. Like Jack in all of his previous Christmas plays, he had missed out on the time he had played a Sheppard in the Christmas story and when he had played an elf in 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town' and all of those other little parts he had played and this year he vowed he would not miss the opportunity to see his son playing the starring role in 'Rudolph' the retelling of the story of '_the most famous reindeer of all'. _

He hit the stop button and looked down at his watch, it was a little after four thirty which meant that he had time to give the team a very quick debrief about their latest case and head home for a shower and to change. He thought about Jack's invite and considered what a character his son truly was. Just last week Jack had begged him to allow him to invite Emily to the play but Aaron had been hesitant, was it pushing her too far to expect her to come to this event, during which all the school yard Moms would subject her to endless stares and thoughtless gossip and how did he even begin to tackle the issue of Christmas day itself? He guessed he would think about that later, right now he had to see if she would accept Jack's invitation.

"So the production's tonight huh?" She asked, her eyes locking with his.

"Emily- the only reason..." She cut him off mid sentence, of course he had mentioned Jack's part in the play but what he had failed to do was mention that it was tonight and she got why, really she did – he was afraid that people would compare her to Haley, or worse still, that her presence as his son's play would mean that she was replacing Haley for Jack as well as himself and he just couldn't seem to wrap his head around the fact that she knew she never could and that she wasn't trying to, no matter how many times she told him so.

"You were trying to protect Jack and to protect me– I get that Aaron, really I do, I understand how hard it must be for you to do these sorts of things without Haley but I want you to know that you don't have to do them alone." She smiled at him forgivingly.

"Thank you." He told her, taking her hand in his and drawing the back of it towards his lips.

"I mean it, Aaron; I'm here so please don't shut me out." She half begged, using his first name to impart the seriousness of her words upon him, as if there could really be any doubt.

"I didn't mean to Emily, I'm sorry." He told her, realising for the first time just how hard being in this relationship was. He loved her, truly he did but how could she ever be expected to stay with him when he constantly tried to assimilate her with Haley?

His ex wife was his past and while a part of him would always love her and would never heal from the hole that her death had caused deep in his very soul, he knew that Emily, this illustrious and brilliant woman, was alive and she was here ready to be his future, all he had to do was let that happen. It was then that he realised why the physical side of their relationship had thus far failed to progress beyond a kiss – it was because they both had issues and until right now they hadn't voiced those. In the simple act of apologising to her, he felt as though a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I know." She was saying soothingly as he refocused upon their conversation and he knew that she was not simply pacifying him, she was accepting that Haley and the issues he still had concerning her were a part of him as much as Doyle and everything she had been through was part of her and instead of backing down she was stepping up, letting him know that there was almost nothing he could show her or tell her which would scare her away or cause her to doubt their relationship.

"I don't suppose you'd want to go with me would you?" He asked after a moment, it probably sounded cheesy and he knew she didn't really appreciate corniness in any of its many degrees.

"I would love to." She told him, giving his shoulder a light squeeze and heading for the door, they were at work after all and they had a debrief meeting scheduled.

"So I'll pick you up?" He asked and she stopped in her tracks, she wondered if the fact that he wanted to drive her to Jack's school meant that he wanted her to go home with him at the end of the night. Perhaps that single word, that whispered utterance from four months ago, was going to be acted upon tonight.

"_Soon" _

Emily's head snapped up, meeting his eyes as she tried to decide whether he had read her mind and had whispered that word again, such a simple monosyllabic word which had been filled with unspoken sentiments then but which now, in this charged atmosphere was exuding feelings with such high potency that she almost buckled under the pressure. He stared at her with a look of utter bemusement on his face and she realised that much as she had been on the jet, she had been imagining things.

"Um..." She paused for a moment, trying to decide how to tell him that she was too nervous to do this tonight, that the thought of not having an escape route freaked her out but then she really looked at him and that was when she spotted it – behind the deep, dark irises there lurked such a devastating hope that she wanted to cry.

"Sure, what time?" She asked, swallowing her own very realistic fear in an attempt to make him happy. That was what a real relationship was about after all – give and take, sway and pull...

"Well, Jessica will take care of Jack and if I give her a call she'll reserve us some seats, so if I come by your place for about six we should be Ok." He told her, the relief clearly evident in his voice – she wasn't turning him down.

"Great." She smiled simply, waiting for him to catch her up – the team would be waiting in the conference room after all.

* * *

><p>Why did this trip seem so awkward? More than a few times she had been sure she felt his eyes on her, but every time she looked in his direction his eyes were trained on the road like the good driver she knew he was. Oh God this was turning into one of those horrifically corny movie scenes – she kept sneaking glances at him and he at her until...<p>

"Uh... Aaron is everything Ok?" She asked nervously.

"Um... Well I wanted to ask you something actually." He told her.

Oh God, this was it. Was he going to ask her to spend the night? How was she going to respond to that? God knew she wanted to stay with him, really she did but the truth was she hadn't been with a man in over five years and she was worried that she wouldn't be what he expected, what he wanted or needed from a lover and she was terrified.

"Ok, so shoot." She replied casually, turning her head to face him and trying to remember how to breathe. Slowly, slowly... She had to make sacrifices for him and right now nerves were on the chopping block.

"Well I just wondered... That novel..." He paused a moment and she took advantage of that.

"That novel was nothing Aaron. I promise, it was something I picked up at the library on a whim, I hardly ever read those things anyway..." She told him, her tone panicked as she lied - her shelves were full of the things. That was half the reason she hadn't invited him to her place – she didn't want him seeing how desperate she really was.

"It's Ok if you do you know, I read _Dr. Seuss _in my spare time, so I get it." He told her.

"Well _Green Eggs and Ham _is a little different from the Harlequin franchise and besides you have a reason to read those books, but thanks for understanding." She smiled.

"So ... I guess what I wanted to know is... Is that what you... Um... like?" He asked bashfully, his cheeks reddening.

"What I _like?" _She asked needing clarification.

"You know, is that what you want from me? Would you prefer me to be... Rough and dominant like Mark?" He asked swallowing hard, God this was awkward but after reading a few pages of the book she had been so intrigued by, he couldn't help but feel that he would fall short.

She laughed riotously then, it was the only thing that she could do right now. She couldn't quite believe that he had asked her that question. She had never been with a man who had asked her directly what she wanted and it kind of threw her off guard. Her first real relationship had been with Dominic and that had been short, fiery and passionate. Of course that hadn't been her 'first time' - that had been with John and had ended _badly_ to say the least. Dominic had at the age of twenty four, been far more experienced than she had been at eighteen, he had sort of guided her and her body had responded to him without her really considering if she actually _liked _what he was doing, what they did together. After Dominic there had been a few guys, college fraternity boys really – she had gone through a rebellious stage and then... nothing for such a long time, until Doyle. A man she had been sent to please, her assignment – do anything to make him happy - and she had literally done anything, everything to make him happy . She had pleased him with her flexibility and her youthful inexperience so much so that she had very nearly believed that she was a virgin again. He frightened her, he made her feel like she didn't have control, like she didn't know what she was doing. He had overpowered her, when they slept together, which had happened every time he would come off a mission, he liked to force her into submission. He was dominant and overbearing and he knew exactly where he had wanted her lips, her hands, her entire body. She had become his puppet and whilst he had fallen for her, she had inadvertently fallen for his charms – so much so that it had taken Declan and the realisation that he would be subjected to the same missionary life as his tormented, ostracised father for her to be liberated from his spell.

Doyle had marked a turning point in Emily's life. After him, she had feared men for a long time, had even thought at one stage that she would never feel the touch of another male for the rest of her days... until Neil. Her high school boyfriend – a man who after so many years was suddenly back into her life. Emily had treated him poorly, she had copied his stats homework and bribed him with kisses to help her with economics papers and so bumping into him off the back of the whole Doyle thing had been like a God send – a chance to make amends. Neil had become a chartered accountant. He wasn't married and never had been – apparently there was thing about the words 'accountant' and 'boring' - and they had been on a few dates which had ended in a brief love affair and he had been attentive and kind and thoughtful but had she liked that? She didn't know. Neil had been her last real relationship and she had followed up his inability to accept her work commitments with several fast, hard and hot one night stands, none of which had been particularly satisfying... So the question remained – What did Emily Prentiss like? What did she want from a lover?

"I can't believe we're having this conversation." She giggled like a little school girl.

"I think it's important, after reading that book I admit I'm a little nervous..." He replied, trying hard to keep his tone light and casual.

"Aaron, Mark is a fictional character – that's not what I want. No one is like that in real life. What I want is a real man." She told him suggestively.

"I can do that." He told her and she could tell he was relieved.

"So wait a minute, you're telling me you actually read the book?" She asked with a laugh.

"Well I wanted to see what had you saying my name that way." He told her, taking his eyes off the road for just a second to look her way.

She noticed that his voice was breathy and she realised that it was not because of the erotic fiction she had been indulging in but more because he had her pegged – he knew exactly what she had been thinking.

"Oh you liked that did you?" She asked, her eyes twinkling – was it Ok that they were talking this way? Why the Hell did she keep questioning their ability to be human, with human needs and desires?

"Mm it was quite _distracting _yes." He murmured, turning off and pulling into the crowded parking lot.

"Distracting in a good way?" She asked unbuckling her seat belt and sliding from the car.

"Oh distracting in the best way Emily." He assured her as they began to walk towards the entrance.

* * *

><p>He stopped at the table just inside the door and checked in with Miss Farrington, the school secretary who marked them in and instructed them to go through to the auditorium. As they walked Aaron couldn't help but notice that all eyes were on him. Of course they were, these were the members of the P.T.A, officially the world's biggest busy body crew and they had opinions on everything. He knew Haley had never been a member of the association, she didn't believe in it and he also knew that made the Hotchner family subject to tittle tattle and gossip. They received a particularly vicious stare from Mrs Wilcox- Parker, mother of Destiny Wilcox- Parker, the most popular, stuck up and mean eight year old in Jack's class. He watched as Emily lowered her eyes, staring at her feet - was she embarrassed to be here with him, or was it just that she felt uncomfortable being a spectacle?<p>

He reached out and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers and holding it lightly enough that she could let go if she didn't want this. She supposed that this was some kind of test and she really didn't want to fail. Instead of pulling away as might have been her instinct (she was not one for being in the spotlight) she gripped his hand tightly and held her head up high.

"Let them look, you deserve to be happy too." She whispered and that simple sentiment drove him crazy. He couldn't believe that she was pledging that kind of undying allegiance to him.

He lent in close to her and pressed a quick but meaningful kiss to her full lips and he had to smile against her mouth as he heard Mrs Wilcox- Parker huff and walk off in the other direction.

"Looks like it's Aaron Hotchner one, P.T.A Moms nil." She smiled as he led her into the hall and they sought out Jessica.

* * *

><p>She waved frantically at them and they hurried to their seats.<p>

"I can't believe you actually made it, you never make these things." Jessica told him with mild surprise as he slid into the seat next to her.

"Don't be so surprised, I _am_ trying to be a better father." He replied lightly, knowing that despite their differences after Haley had filed for divorce, Jessica understood his work commitments in a way her sister never could.

"I know Aaron, Jack will be so excited you're here – he's been talking about it all day and wondering if Emily would come too. I see he won't be disappointed on that front either." Jessica replied, smiling at Emily warmly.

"I'm sorry I don't think you've officially met have you?" Aaron asked and Emily shook her head.

"This is Jessica, my sister in law and all round super woman." Aaron told her jovially.

"Hey Emily." Jessica told her warmly and they both smiled.

"Did you tell Jack we were coming?" Aaron asked.

"Well it was hard but I thought he would like the surprise." Jessica told him.

"Great, that's what I hoped you would say." He smiled as the lights went low.

* * *

><p>They watched as the children began filing out onto the stage and the three adults waiting for the little Hotchner smiled as he came out and searched the dimly lit room for the familiar faces he craved. He struggled for a moment but then his face broke into a wide grin as he spotted them and he waved.<p>

From then on, it was a joy to watch the play and to see how happy Jack was to see his Daddy and his friend on his special night...

* * *

><p>The play had been spectacular and Jack had been a very convincing Rudolph with his painted on red nose and his ability to be unfailingly adorable in any situation. As Emily watched him, she had noticed the small boy looking their way maybe a hundred times and then she understood what a deep rooted love existed between Jack and his Daddy and was proud to be here waiting in the auditorium for Aaron to bring Jack out, just knowing that she had witnessed a moment Jack would never forget – the first time his Daddy had made it to a live performance of one of his plays.<p>

Emily waited with growing nerves as she bade Jessica goodbye. She realised that with every passing minute, they drew closer to that moment when they would find themselves in his car and he would be asking her whether she was coming over... Increasingly through the performance, she had become convinced that she was ready to take the leap, but now when there weren't any distractions and she only had the company of her own thoughts, she could not ignore the growing feeling of dread...

Just as she was considering doing the time honoured Emily thing – running from commitment, Jack bounded out across the stage and down the steps, flying into her arms before she even knew what was happening.

"Ooph." The noise escaped her as he wrapped his legs around her waist and stole her breath away.

"Wow! Hi Jack!" She exclaimed excitedly as he squeezed her neck a little.

"You're here! You made it! Did you get my invitation?" He asked excitedly.

"Yep. Your Daddy picked it up when we got back from the case and here we are, thank you for inviting me." She smiled as he pulled back a little, looking into her face with an expression of pure joy.

"Hey buddy be careful, it looks like you took Emily's breath away." Aaron told him coming down the steps and noticing that Jack had cocooned himself around a very surprised looking Emily.

"Oh no, it's fine – I was just as happy to see Jack as he was to see me." Emily smiled, throwing Aaron a look which told him to be forgiving.

"Did you like the play Daddy? Was I good?" Jack asked, knowing that his Daddy wasn't really mad, he never was when Emily was around.

"Jack you were brilliant you did such a good job." Aaron told him, leaning in and placing a soft kiss to his son's cheek, noting that that he still clung to Emily like he was terrified of letting go. Frankly, Aaron wished he could be the one holding her that tightly, at least that way he would be sure that he wasn't going to lose her...

"Do you like my red nose? Aunt Jessica painted it on for me." Jack asked and Emily had to smile. She was falling for this child and she was falling fast, much the same way as she had fallen for his father.

"You mean it's not real? It looks pretty convincing to me." Emily replied, leaning in close and rubbing her own nose against his affectionately.

Jack laughed raucously at this, since as she drew back he noticed that now Emily had a red nose too. He laughed harder when his Daddy started to giggle too. It wasn't often that he got to hear him laugh and it seemed to Jack, who was surprisingly perceptive for his age, that Emily made him happy – it was Emily who could make him laugh by doing something silly and Jack loved her...

"So what do think? We match now don't we?" Emily laughed along as she pulled Jack closer and Aaron could inspect her handiwork.

"Yes. You do." Aaron replied simply and those three little words sent shivers down her spine...

* * *

><p>The car journey from Jack's school was quiet and contemplative. Both adults were silently considering the weight and meaning of any decision that was likely to be made in the next few minutes. They seemed to realise that if she said no this time, it definitely said something about the way she felt but similarly the possibility of her saying yes terrified them in equal measure. In the back of the car Jack was equally quiet but his reasons were not so intense – he was simply exhausted from the show. It was seven forty five now and it was fast approaching his bed time and he was finding it hard to keep his eyes open...<p>

"You're so good with Jack Emily you know that right?" Aaron asked her as he watched her use a tissue from her purse to wipe away the red paint on her nose.

"Hey he's great, I like spending time with him." She told him, internalising the compliment he had bestowed upon her.

"No you don't understand, he really loves you Emily and I'm glad." He replied.

"I'm glad too, you see I'm falling in love with him." Emily told him, deciding that now was as good a time as any to bare her soul.

"Do you mean that?" He seemed surprised, perhaps that had something to do with the fact that rather uncharacteristically, up until now Emily had been the one who was afraid of articulating her feelings.

"Of course I do. Loving you means loving all the parts of you and Jack is a big part of you and he's so easy to love." Emily smiled as she felt his hand give hers a gentle squeeze.

"You know that's something that Haley could never do – love every part of me I mean, I know I'm complicated and closed off but I..." Aaron started but she cut him off.

"Not to me Aaron. I see everything, even the parts I am never supposed to – like when a case affects you too much, or when something Garcia says makes you smile. I've seen you on your best day and I've been with you through the worst of them so believe me when I say that I understand and I _do_ love you."Emily assured him, not even bothering to suggest that she wasn't Haley anymore. They were two different women, she was in a relationship wholly different from his relationship with Jack's mother and she knew he understood that too.

"That means so much to me Emily, much more than you'll probably ever realise." He told her as he pulled up at a red light.

He didn't like to mention it but after passing these lights they really did have to make a decision. Her apartment was a left turn at the lights whereas his house was a right. _'Talk about being at the crossroads' _he thought sardonically, not failing to notice the similarities between the scenario at play and the old romance movies he heralded...

The lights flicked to amber, they had maybe thirty seconds. _'Come on Aaron say something, ask her.' _He kept thinking, his heart rate increasing as he tried to figure out how to broach the subject without coming out and saying 'I want to make love to you tonight'.

He opened his mouth but found that it was like cotton, no articulate words would come out. He took a deep breath, licking his lips in an attempt to simulate his vocal chords into movement...

"Emily's staying for candy cane cookies right?" Jack asked from the back seat and right in that moment Aaron could have stopped the car just to allow himself to kiss the little boy...

"Candy cane cookies huh?" Emily asked her voice raspy, almost as if she had been struggling with the same inner turmoil.

"Yep Aunt Jessica and I made them when I got home from school. You're staying right?" He asked desperately.

She waited a beat, stealing a glance at Aaron whom she knew would be waiting with equally bated breath for her response, but whom at this moment in time was doing a very good job of watching the lights with intent.

"Sure, I wouldn't want to pass up the opportunity to taste a candy cane cookie." She smiled and Jack cheered.

As the light flicked to green and Aaron made a right she slipped her hand back into his pressing her thumb against his coiled fingers as she had done so many times before, it was signal that everything was going to be Ok...

* * *

><p>Emily sat on the rug by the hearth absent mindedly drawing patterns with her finger through the crumbs left on the plate which had only short minutes ago contained those incredible candy cane cookies. She had removed her boots when they arrived here and she couldn't help but notice that even that simple gesture made her feel instantly at ease here. Both the Hotchner men had stopped looking at her like it was strange for her to be here after about the third time she had come over but tonight marked a turning point for the woman herself. She didn't know if it was the fact that she had been involved in such an intimate moment between father and son, or whether it was the exposure of her own true feelings, but something had made Emily feel like she could finally relax here.<p>

Here heart raced as she watched the fire crack and pop before her eyes and she felt like the dancing of the flames mimicked the fire that was slowly stoking inside of her. She was waiting for Aaron to return from bathing and putting Jack to bed and she found that contrary to expectations she was not as nervous as she had thought she might have been. Instead her increased heart rate was as a result of a feeling of deep rooted excitement and desire.

"_Make yourself comfortable... I'll be ten minutes." _He had told her and if she recalled the look on his face with any sort of accuracy, he was still terrified that when he got downstairs again, she would be gone.

She thought about everything that had transpired between them today from the moment of pure embarrassment on the jet right through to that charged conversation in the car and she realised that she had been foolish to keep dodging the fact that the physical side of their relationship was something which was not nonexistent but rather a presence which had not been given nearly the amount of attention it deserved.

The expression of feelings and emotions seemed to come so naturally to them when they were alone, so why was she struggling to let them make that simple transition from virtual togetherness to actual togetherness? She wanted him, God she knew her body burned for him and yet until tonight she had been putting a barrier between them, like it wasn't appropriate but frankly she was tired of denying what they both wanted...

* * *

><p>He watched her with dark eyes as he approached carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. She had her back to him and her fingers were toying with the flames a little and he found he had never wanted her more. He wanted her right now, it didn't matter that Jack had only just gone down, it didn't matter that they were in the living room – he wanted to show her how incredibly beautiful she was to him, he needed to...<p>

"You didn't have to keep sitting there you know." He told her and she startled, looking over her shoulder with a sultry smile which grew wider as he came closer.

"I like it here." She told him confidently, loving that he didn't argue with her but rather that he joined her on the light, soft rug.

"Do you want a glass?" He asked and she shook her head biting her lip suggestively as she moved closer to him.

His head was instantly clouded with the intoxicating scent of her perfume, light and crisp with a floral undertone. It was a smell that could stay with him all day, it was something which drove him to distraction.

He abandoned the wine quickly, he wasn't going to let this moment pass by without a response, there was always the chance that like so many times before, he was going to wake up in his bed, alone and aching but there was something about that scent and the fact that he could feel her breath, wispy and pent up, caressing his left cheek. It all felt so felt.

After several moments during which they had both remained frozen, he decided that at the risk of breaking this wonderful strand of time, he would reach out to her – if only to prove the reality or otherwise of this encounter.

She giggled nervously, a sound that sent desire ricocheting at lightning speed through his achingly desperate body. He reached out, his hand connecting with the soft flesh of her cheek as her own arm snaked around his shoulder...

She let her head drift towards his until their lips met. She opened her own plump lips against his mouth, knowing that he liked open mouthed kisses and she waited for him to respond to her. As he did, a low groan escaping his throat, she laughed again, the vibrations from the act causing him to buck towards her. She shuffled a little closer, her legs ensnaring his body between them as he knelt, waiting for her next move.

She teased him a while longer, letting her lips rest tantalisingly against his as his hands tried anything to pull her closer, to force the kiss from her... She was about to grant his wish when she noticed something she could use to her advantage. She smiled cattishly, her eyes flicking shut as she concentrated on the sound of their simultaneous heartbeats and the feel of his body quickly reacting to her own...

"Aaron..." She mumbled against his mouth.

"Mm?" He muttered in frustration, the sound causing her lips to buzz.

"You have bubbles in your hair." She told him in a matter of fact tone and she waited for his response.

"Oh is that so?" He asked, pulling away slightly as he felt her lift some of the suds from his dark hair.

"Hmm... Having a bubble fight with your son were you Agent Hotchner?" Emily chided, the desire and lust in her voice turning him on...

"Would you have preferred it to have been you?" He asked, matching the suggestion in her tone with his.

"I do feel... a little left out yes." She pouted.

He reached up between them, locating the bubbles which had so captured her attention, trying to subdue his jealousy at the inanimate and changeable substance's ability to command her in a way he had thus far failed to do.

"Well let's see what we can do about that." He whispered, smoothing some bubbles onto her glorious mane. She laughed then. It was heartfelt and perfect and he fell even more in love with her.

"Well what do you think? We match now don't we?" He asked her the exact question she'd asked him earlier.

"Yes. We do." She told him, her eyes locking with his as he seemed to communicate some unspoken sentiment to her. Before she even had a moment to question that look, she felt herself being lowered against the rug and she made no move to stop him.

His body covered hers silently and she gasped into his waiting mouth as she felt the extent of his desire for her...

* * *

><p>The kissed wordlessly for what felt like hours, neither one relenting. This was always the way a kiss would start off - slow and sensual, sometimes even the briefest of touches – a minor caress- but they would always end up this way, engaged in a deeply satisfying and intensely dangerous tango. It was about more than just passion, it was about dominance and control and the utter refusal on both their parts to give in, or to submit. It was what made them such a fiery and oddly compatible pair and it was at least one of the many reasons why Emily could not understand her hesitancy to enter into a physical relationship with the man she loved. She knew when they were finally together it would be perfect and yet she had been so reluctant...<p>

She was certain that tonight was going to rectify that reluctance, she vowed as she felt his hands slide down her back until they gripped her hips, that she would do anything to make him understand exactly how she felt about him. His lips didn't leave hers as he used his hold on her to lower her back against the rug fully.

She settled against it, relishing the softness of it as her hair fanned out in several directions and she felt her whole body relax. This was so much better than she could have ever imagined and filled with so much subtle romance that she felt her heart begin to break.

He pulled away from her after a moment, the incessant need to breathe overwhelming the hunger he felt for her. He stared down at her, trying with limited success to control the way his body was reacting to hers. He wanted her, he would be a fool to deny it, but he wanted to afford her the respect that she deserved. He didn't want to pressurise her into anything, he didn't want her to think that he couldn't wait... He watched her now as she lay beneath him, her chest rising and falling steadily and he had to wonder if she was feeling the same sense of utter desire as he was.

She looked perfect in the fire light , she was perfect to him in any light, but there was just something about the way she looked tonight that made him realise how incredibly lucky he was to have been granted a second chance with her...

Her eyes were closed, but she could sense his tenseness, he was above her, she could feel his weight and yet he remained motionless. Emily wasn't sure, but she could guess that he was trying to work out what she wanted, as if she wasn't already giving him enough of a clue...

* * *

><p>"Do you think that the people who made this had this particular activity in mind?" She asked, her voice suggestive as she ran her hands over the fluffy white rug she had come to be resting upon.<p>

"Hmm it certainly seems like it could be possible..." He replied as her eyes flicked open and she seemed to be able to see right into his soul.

"Aaron stop thinking so much... I'm here aren't I? I'm not running away this time." She told him, finally addressing the issue she had been trying to avoid.

"I don't want you to think... Sex isn't the most important thing here Emily." He replied, maintaining eye contact despite the flush of embarrassment he felt blazing across his cheeks.

He rarely ever talked about the carnal aspects of humanity with regard to himself. He couldn't remember the last time he had even used the word 'sex' outside of a case. He guessed that was part of the problem, he had forgotten how to just let himself be a man, even though he had spent most of their four month relationship trying to convince_ her_ of that very fact.

"You're right, the most important thing here is love and you can trust that I love you, but don't tell me that us not being together, us not making love for four months hasn't bothered you, because it's certainly been bothering me." She told him, sitting up a little and holding his gaze.

"Emily I understand you know, more than you realise. If you need time then I'm willing to wait. I just want you to be comfortable, I don't want you to feel like this is just about sex." He replied, his fingers tracing the structure of her jaw.

"There you go again. For a romantic you sure do have some strange ideas. You think that love and sex are two separate ideas and maybe they have been in the past, but I know that how I feel, what I want is more than the kind of sex you're talking about. I want a lover who isn't afraid to say that he loves me. You think I've been waiting because I'm afraid and maybe that's true but I know what I want now, I just want you – I don't need any elaborate scenario because I am already in love with the most romantic man I've ever met. You don't need to try to make us perfect because to me, this is as perfect as I could hope for. I've finally realised what I want and that's you – all of you, I want everything Aaron so you don't need to hold anything back. I'm ready..." She told him passionately and was caught off guard by the impassioned kiss he pressed to her lips.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, barely able to comprehend the strength of the sentiment she had expressed only moments ago.

Throughout the years of his marriage to Haley, years which were built on foundations of love, respect and honour she had never expressed an emotion so strong or intense – there simply hadn't been that sort of love between them. They were an argue on Saturdays, curl up on the sofa on Sundays and have sex in the dark on Wednesdays kind of couple, everything had been planned and he couldn't remember the last time he had actually taken the time to _make love_ to her, he couldn't recall actually seeing her body or appreciating her beauty in the light – he couldn't remember a time when a love like that had existed for them and yet he knew it had been there in the early days.

He had known she loved him, but she had always only loved a part of him and try as he might to believe that she loved the best part of him - that he had offered her the best of himself- he could not back that statement up with solid evidence. He knew the best part of himself was the part that got to be Agent Hotchner, putting criminals away and protecting the citizens of the country he loved and she had never accepted that part of him – she had never understood his drive and determination and she had only ever seen Agent Hotchner as a figure of frustrating mystery, someone utterly unintelligible to her...

Now as he stared into the eyes of Emily Prentiss, he knew that it was possible for him to be himself – any and all the versions of the person that he was. She respected him as a colleague and superior, she had seen him be a father, she had seen him at his best and she had comforted him through his darkest days and even when he had thought all hope was lost, she had consumed his thoughts in 'death'. Right now however, she was very much alive and she was ready to accept everything that he was and probably some of the things that he could never hope to be...

"Aaron, I have always been sure but I've just been so afraid..." She murmured looking away for a moment.

"Afraid of what Emily?" He asked, almost as nervous about her answer as she appeared to be.

"That I wouldn't ever be the same again everything that happened, that I wouldn't remember how to be me. I didn't want to give you anything but my true self and to be honest, I'm not sure I know who that person is anymore – Am I Lauren- Do belong to him? Or am I Emily Prentiss and who the Hell is that anyway?" She asked, perhaps not to him but more in general. Was this really the time for a crisis of identity?

He laughed then, a light hearted gesture which told her he wasn't laughing_ at_ her but rather _for_ her. It seemed to be the only thing to do, he knew how much she had been struggling with her return and although she fit right back in at the BAU and with her life, there were times when he would look at the way she smiled and he noticed that it didn't quite reach her eyes and only occasionally he had heard someone call her name and had seen a blank look across her face - like without words she was asking the exact question she had just asked him. '_Who is that?"_ In truth, he couldn't answer her. He had thought he had known her at one time but then Doyle had happened and he was back to square one. In some ways he liked to think that that was a question they could answer together, almost like every day they spent together would bring them closer to the discovery of the answer. Of course he couldn't tell her who she was, but he could tell her what he saw and he could promise he'd be there every step of the way, he'd be there to welcome Emily Prentiss back when she finally accepted her arrival in the world.

"You_ are _Emily Prentiss and I want you to know that you don't belong to anyone – not to Doyle and I certainly will never view you as a possession. You don't have to _be_ anybody, you don't have to know exactly who you are right now. Sometimes I don't know who I am either - I've gone through stages where I've been consumed by all the different roles I assume that I've forgotten who Aaron Hotchner is but then I realise – All those people, everything that I have to be makes that person – without it Aaron Hotchner is just a name. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're Emily Prentiss – a beautiful, smart and brilliant woman and that all the parts of you make you that person. What happened with Doyle, that's going to be part of you forever but it doesn't have to be the only part and neither does it have to define you. We can both wear our scars and we can both be proud to say that we're alive, that we chose life over being defeated." He told her and he noticed that tears were welling in her eyes.

"How do you always know what to say? Is there some book I should be reading?" She asked with a small laugh.

"No. I just know what it's like to be afraid Emily, I have insecurities too. Behind the title and the power I'm just a man and I'm glad that I get to be that person when I'm with you." He told her, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the fallen tears.

* * *

><p>"I love you Aaron but I'm scared that when you see what I look like now, this is all going to disappear." She sighed heavily.<p>

He didn't say anything for the longest time, he knew that words would somehow never be enough. He could prove that if he thought back to the numerous times they had had this conversation over the past four months. He always assured her that he would love her no matter what her scars looked like and she would always smile, staying silent on the subject for a while before bringing it back up again.

It seemed to him that there weren't always words for everything and that the phrase 'actions speak louder than words' seemed to prove true when it came to Emily Prentiss. For some reason she would not believe him and it was time to change that.

He shifted a little, they had both come to be sitting again and for right now that was perfect. He kept eye contact with her as he grabbed the hem of his thick navy jumper and pulled it over his head...

* * *

><p>"Aaron what are you...?" She began to ask but he silenced her with a kiss.<p>

"I'm proving a point Emily." He told her discarding the jumper with reckless abandon as his fingers reached for the first button of the shirt he wore beneath it.

She watched him with dark eyes, her desires glistening in her irises and being exposed to him by the fire light which seemed to catch them and throw them to the surface. It was clear that she wanted this too, wanted him – he simply had to dispel her doubts and allay her fears.

He heard her breath catch as little by little and with a certainty that couldn't be denied, his skin became exposed to her roaming eyes. He reached the final button and let the material of his shirt hang loosely on his shoulders, waiting for her reaction. For a moment she did nothing but stare and he wasn't surprised. He had always wondered what the sight of his body in this state would do if ever he found himself in this situation and apparently it was capable of rendering her speechless...

Her eyes were sad and he knew she was thinking about the moment when he had woken in that hospital bed, she was probably trying to persuade herself that there was something she could have done to prevent this, God knew that would be what he would be thinking when finally he laid eyes upon her own scars...

"Aaron..." She whispered, not knowing what else to say. She had always known that Foyet had pursued him with particular malice and she knew of course how twisted he was, but the amount of pain he had obviously put him through made Emily wonder how some people could even call themselves human...

"Ssh." He soothed, reaching out and taking her hand.

He placed her soft palm against the first scar, a particularly violent one and he could not stop the hiss of breath which left him. He hadn't been touched in such a long time and no one but him had seen the scars. It was new and it was strange but somehow he didn't feel quite so alone anymore.

* * *

><p>"Tell me Emily. If these make you want to run, if they make you want me less then tell me now." He told her quietly and she simply shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks.<p>

"They don't... All I want to do is kiss them away, I wish I could take away your pain Aaron..." She told him tearfully, finally coming to the realisation that the scars didn't matter, they didn't change the way she felt about him, in fact they made her love him more.

Aaron smiled then, it was small but it was gratified. He had hoped that this would make her see that there was more to their love than the physical attraction they both shared, there was more to beauty than the smoothness of one's skin... He had hoped to show her that true beauty was about acceptance and he knew from the way that she was looking at him that she accepted him.

"Close your eyes." He told her and after a moment of reluctance and confusion she obliged.

He could hear her breathing, heavy and fast as he held her hand over his scar and began to move it from right to left.

"He started here." He told her pushing her hand hard against the spot just above his navel where the most significant and damaging stab had been delivered. As he heard her gasp, he was taken back to his own stifled breath as the knife had been thrust into him...

"He stabbed me right there, a place where he knew there would be minimum damage internally but maximum pain and I won't lie to you Emily, I wished for death, I gave up – I forgot how to fight because I knew whatever he had done was nothing compared to what he _could_ do and I think that was the threat. No matter how much training I had had, I simply couldn't comprehend a pain so intense and I wanted to die. In my weakness, death was an escape and I'm ashamed to say it." He told her tracing her hand across the now smooth and slightly whitened line of the first scar.

"It's not weak Aaron, you're not weak." She assured him as he moved her hand across each of the lacerations.

"These are long and superficial, I think he hoped that these would be the ones I'd remember most – the ones I let him inflict... The ones I didn't even try to stop..." He trailed off as the emotion of saying all of this out loud over took him.

"You had to stay alive Aaron, for Jack and for Haley – these scars they're probably the reason why you're alive right now. I want you to know how proud of you I am." She told him opening her eyes and fixing them on the tracks of his tears.

"I didn't think it would be this hard to talk about this, I guess I didn't understand until it came time to do it, I'm sorry if I ever made your doubts seem insignificant." He admitted as she took hold of his shoulders and eased him back onto the carpet.

He looked up at her with tortured eyes as she shifted her own position, straddling him to allow for better access to his muscular chest.

"I didn't think it would be this _easy _for me to find a million new reasons to love you. No one has ever been as honest with me as you have; no one has ever loved me so unconditionally..." She told him, lowering her head to that first deep wound and pressing her lips against it.

"All I want to do is kiss them away, all I want to do is love you." She promised him as she kissed her way across each of the scars until she made it to the strong column of his neck.

After a while she felt his hands in her hair as he pulled her upwards away from his neck and back towards his lips. She indulged him, giving him a long, languorous kiss before she straightened back up again. As he looked up her now, his breathing raspy as he tried to memorise the feeling of her lips on the expanse of his previously untouched skin, he could see nervousness colouring her beautiful features.

* * *

><p>"What's the matter Emily?" He asked softly, though he could guess. She was thinking that since he had shown her his scars, she would be expected to do the same...<p>

"I'm not promising that it'll be quite the same... Mine hasn't had as much time to heal..." She murmured.

"It's going to be Ok I promise." He told her and it seemed to be enough because she crossed her arms over her body and tugged the thick black jumper she had been wearing from her body.

She waited a beat, trying to steady the erratic pounding of her heartbeat before she removed the long sleeved t- shirt she wore. For a moment she froze, noticing that his eyes were roaming the entirety of her torso with unabashed lust. She almost became lost in those ravenous eyes, but then she felt his fingers gripping the edge of the gauze pad she still wore. For now, it seemed the scar on her abdomen was consuming him enough to distract him from the brand she wore on the inside of her left breast.

He peeled the dressing back with maximum care and she winced a couple of times as he reached a section which seemed to be particularly well stuck but then she felt the air licking at the previously covered skin and she could honestly say she had never been more nervous...

She squeezed her eyes shut and she had to wonder why he wasn't saying anything. For the longest time they were motionless until she felt his soft fingers beginning to trace their way from her navel all the way up her body until they rested on the brand mark she had hoped he hadn't seen. He seemed to completely bypass the much larger and far more unsightly scar on her abdomen and she couldn't understand why.

* * *

><p>"You didn't mention this one Emily." He told her, his fingers tracing the welt marks created by some kind of rod.<p>

"That's because this one scares me most. It's the one that means the most, he chose something I could never escape from, something that only he would know about. I swear every time I look at it, I can feel his hands sliding down the front of my shirt and I can see his sneer... I remember thinking that he was going to... I thought he was going to rape me and I think that would almost have been better... less painful. Sometimes late at night I can feel it burning and it's like he's still here..." She told him, a sob stifling at the back of her throat.

He sat up a little adjusting her to accommodate him and he really studied the markings. Doyle had really made her suffer. The lines weren't smooth, they were broken and each curve of the four leaf clover had breaks in them, as if whatever implement had been used to inflict this upon her had been lifted and reapplied multiple times. He knew then that Doyle had only been trying to torture her, to prolong her agony and his blood boiled with such powerful rage that he had the sudden urge to put that bullet into the bastard's head all over again.

"He can't hurt you anymore Emily I promise you that." He told her and she smiled weakly at him, almost as if she didn't believe him.

"Aaron I don't want to be afraid of being intimate with you because I can still feel his hands on me, I couldn't expect you to stay with me..." She murmured facing up to the fact that she was by all accounts damaged goods now.

"He's not here Emily, I am and I promise you I will never hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of me, just feel my hands Ok... It's just you and me, just feel me." He told her.

"I don't want him to get in the way, I want to be with you – It's just every time I close my eyes I see him." She told him.

"What will it take for you to see me instead?" He asked, his tone not accusatory but just curious.

"I..." She was stopped by the feeling of his lips on her skin. His touch was light, a mere caress and she gasped. She hadn't been expecting it and yet it felt so good.

Where previously she had felt phantom pains, imagined burnings, now her skin really felt like it was on fire. It hadn't taken much, just a simple touch and it was all she could think about. She closed her eyes, letting her head drop onto his shoulder as he continued his ministrations. His lips ghosted the sensitive flesh and just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, she felt his tongue dart out to taste her...

He traced each of the four raised curves with his tongue hoping that now, when she saw the scar or thought about it she would remember him, lavishing attention and love on her sensitive skin.

"I... I think this is working." She told him, her voice barely a whisper as he lowered her back down onto the rug.

"Good... I'm glad..." He replied between the kisses he pressed down her body until he reached the slightly rough edges of the scar just to the right of her navel.

* * *

><p>Although he hadn't seen it yet, he had to admit that whilst there was a degree of roughness, it was a lot smoother than he had expected it to be but then he had to remember that it had been three years, the human body was surprisingly resilient – his own experiences had taught him that.<p>

"Is it bad?"She asked, her tone desperate and he knew she was asking whether he still wanted her, that was the real question in her voice.

"I won't lie to you Emily, do you trust me when I say that?" He asked, studying the scar intently.

It looked fairly clean in terms of the markings that had been left behind and in a way he thanked God that Doyle had been merciful enough to do it once, one stab and one swift motion. There was no evidence that the stake had been twisted or moved in any way, apart from that the edges of the original scar appeared to have been extended, probably as part of the surgery she had gone through. He imagined it would be a hard task to remove a wooden stake from a person's abdominal wall and he commended and silently sent his thoughts of extreme gratitude towards the surgical team who had made it possible for her to live, however secretly that might have been done.

"I trust you." She whispered, her voice thick with tears.

"It's not what I thought it would be..." He started to explain, his fingers tracing what looked to be the entry point.

"Oh God... is it that bad?" She asked, her voice strangled and high pitched as she tried to prevent herself from crying.

"No Emily, I meant it in a good way, it's... neat and it looks like it's been well cared for, the edges, right here..." He told her pressing his fingers a little more firmly against the skin "are still quite pink... but the scar itself is healing..." He told her and she smiled at him, somehow he felt like some of the tension in the room had disappeared, like she was finally starting to relax.

"So you... aren't put off by it?" She asked uncertainly.

"Emily it makes you more beautiful to me, you're alive and if that means you have this scar and you get to live until you're a hundred and two then quite frankly I'm happy with that because it means I get to spend time with you now, making up for all the things I should have done and told you before..." He assured her, leaning up and giving her the most perfect kiss.

"Like what?" She teased as he positioned himself above her again.

"Like how much I love you and how beautiful you are to me right now." He replied with unashamed emotion.

* * *

><p>His eyes raked over her upper body in its entirety for the first time since she had removed her jumper and t- shirt and he had to admit that she really was truly beautiful. Somehow, on this second more detailed appraisal of the woman he loved, he didn't even notice the scars , he only noticed her, the alabaster of her skin in the firelight and the way her black lace bra clung perfectly to her voluptuous breasts which just begged for his attention...<p>

"Do you approve Agent Hotchner?" She asked, turning up the flirtation a notch, as if that was even necessary at this point.

"Oh I approve." He replied with a suggestive tone before he bent towards her again and covered her mouth with his own.

His kisses were becoming more feverish and passionate and if she was making the correct assumption he _really_ wanted to be close to her right now. She slung her arms over his shoulders as he continued to kiss her. As long as he was happy she wasn't complaining either...

* * *

><p>After several minutes he drew away, his eyes filled with a tortured look she had never seen before. She began to panic then, usually she could discern the emotion he was experiencing but right now she felt lost in his endlessly deep eyes...<p>

She stared up at him, her arms linking around his shoulders in a desperate attempt not to let him go. She knew if he wanted to stop, resistance was futile but everything they had been through tonight just seemed to point to the fact that they were both ready...

"What is it Aaron?" She asked a little reluctantly, now that they had come this far, she really didn't want to go back, but she knew that she would have to be every bit as considerate as he had been with her, it was his right – she owed him the kind of respect he had afforded her for the four months it had taken her to realise that this was what she wanted.

"Please... Emily... Please..." He begged, his eyes stricken with some unarticulated emotion.

"Aaron... What's the matter?" She asked desperately, terrified of the cause of his anguish and pain.

"Please...Stay." He implored, his voice tense with emotion and overt desire and then she finally understood. Even after everything they had been through tonight and despite the journey they had both embarked upon, he still thought she was going to get up and walk out here. There was no way that was going to happen, he had gotten inside of her, he had captivated her mind, her body and her soul and she was his willing prisoner, she was completely lost to him and she knew whatever happened from this very moment onward, she always would be.

"Of course... Of course I will." She replied, pushing herself up from the rug and pressing her lips to his in a fiercely passionate kiss. She realised then that what he had said before their first kiss was unequivocally true – theirs was a love that would build up over time and for right now, she was far from finished with falling for him.

* * *

><p>Her hands worked quickly to remove his shirt, the material of which was hanging loosely from his defined biceps and she heard his gratifyingly sharp intake of breath as her lips descended upon that sensitive and untouched skin...<p>

"Emily..." He mumbled and she smiled against the smooth wall of his chest, for years she had imagined him saying her name the way he just had, the single syllable escaping his lips from somewhere deep in the throes of their passion.

She continued to lavish attention upon him until she heard him say her name again, this time that single syllable sounding quite different.

"Emily..." He spoke her name in a tone of warning and she halted her actions abruptly, sitting up and pulling away from him a little.

"Aaron... please." It was her turn to beg, she needed this – she wanted this and she couldn't bear to think of it ending now.

"Not here Emily... I won't make love to you here, not like this." He told her and then she understood. He didn't want to stop he just wanted to show her that despite his ever growing desire, he still knew how to be romantic.

She remained silent, knowing by now that sometimes there were more effective means of getting through to Aaron Hotchner than the spoken word. It was a quality they shared. They knew how important verbal articulation was – they worked jobs where communication was perhaps the most essential skill one could ever learn to master, but in some situations actions really were the definitive thing and right now that was how Emily felt.

She shot him a suggestive glance before she got to her feet, her intentions clear. She knew that whatever happened now, she couldn't leave this house without having fulfilled their mutual desires and if for some reason he felt like continuing their journey in another location was more apt then she was not going to fight him.

For the briefest of moments she felt empowered by the apparent role reversal they had gone through. Right now she was standing taller than him, she was in the position of power and that felt liberating, it seemed to add something to her feminine identity. This feeling did not last since he was on his feet and they were once again made equal.

* * *

><p>He pulled her close, his bare skin connecting with her own exposed torso and for a moment he just held her, concentrating on the palpable electricity between them and the shared thrumming of their energised hearts...<p>

He ran his hands down the edges of her body's curves until he reached her hand. He heard her draw in a tense breath as his fingers laced with hers and he began wordlessly to pull her from the living room and towards the stairs. He couldn't look at her as they climbed them together but he had never wished for 'eyes in the back of his head' more than he did right now. This child like wish was resulting from the reactions he could feel just from the simply connection of their hands. She gripped his hand perhaps a little too tightly as they neared the end of their ascent towards the upstairs landing and he knew this was a symbol of both the nervousness and exhilaration he too could feel. Knowing that her reactions were mirroring his own sent a fresh rush of desire coursing through his body and he wished now more than ever that he could look into her lust filled eyes and reassure her that he was never going to hurt her or let her feel as alone as she had been for three years again...

They reached the landing, the twelve steps feeling like twelve thousand as the anticipation and need became even more volatile. They stole quietly past the open door of the bathroom and neither of them said a word as he stopped their progression to the last door on the left, to allow him to check in on Jack. He opened the door silently, peeking through the small gap he allowed there to be and noticing that Jack was curled towards the wall, his hands wrapped around a blue teddy bear Haley had bought for him when he was just a baby. He smiled, closing the door in satisfaction, Jack Hotchner would not be disturbed from that deep of a slumber tonight...

They continued silently down the hall until they reached his bedroom. He felt her steel against him as he reached the handle. He wondered if even now she was having doubts and he supposed that right now would be one of the last viable opportunities to stop this before it escalated beyond the point of control. He was just about to turn and ask her again if she was sure this was what she wanted, when he felt her lips connecting with the back of his neck, urging him forward, clarifying her desires until the only thing left for them to do was enter the bedroom.

* * *

><p>He let go of her hand for a moment, crossing the room and fiddling with the dimmer switch until the room in all its modest neutrality was bathed in a soft, seductive light. He watched her for a moment, taking note of the ever increasing rise and fall of her chest as her eyes roamed the room, looking for he supposed, any signs of the woman who had last been in here. She needn't have worried about that, the room gave nothing away about the person who slept here and Aaron liked to think that this was a precautionary tactic he employed should this room ever find itself infiltrated by another crazed psychopath. He had seen enough victims' bedrooms by now to know that it was the little details which often exposed their weaknesses and vulnerabilities to a killer and he liked to think that this room was devoid of any such vulnerabilities. That was at least, the lie he told himself. The truth of course was that Haley had been his main vulnerability, she had been his weakness and he had needed to remove any trace of her in order to live without her. Being back here was hard on him, living in his marital home without the woman he had married was odd and this – the sand coloured walls and deep brown carpet was the only way he could cope with this, after all he had to survive somehow, there was Jack to think about and after the horrors which had unfolded here, the only thing to be done was to change it and that was what he had done.<p>

So this room, which was nothing more to him than a place to sleep had become devoid of anything personal, anything which would surrender his identity to anyone on the outside, save for one lone object. An object he could honestly say had been placed here in a moment of pure spontaneity and desperate hope. He waited with bated breath for the moment when her eyes would fall upon it and he was not at all disappointed with the beautiful smile which played across her lips.

She crossed the room to it, picking it up and rolling it between her fingers. It was the single most romantic thing that any man had ever done for her and she did not even stop to think about the fact that he had been presumptuous enough to have brought it here – She knew that something had changed between them today and she also recognised that this gesture, this object was his reaction to that.

"It's beautiful." She murmured, drawing it to her nose and inhaling the deep, intoxicating scent.

That was all it took to seduce Emily Prentiss, she could dismiss sky writing the words 'I want you' or the release of one hundred white doves, she could even do away with the sweet nothings he had been whispering for four months because this one object meant more to her than any of those things ever could. This was what she had been hoping for, this was every little girl's dream and every woman's fantasy. The truth was a single red rose had the power to bring the usually composed Emily Prentiss to tears...

"It's not as beautiful as you are to me." He told her and although that line had the potential to be cheesy, she found it to be completely sincere in his gravelly tone.

She did not fight him and neither did she reply as he took the rose from her hand and placed it on the nightstand. She knew they were about more than _that _look, the kind she had seen in her fantasy only hours ago but he was focussed upon her chocolate eyes with such determination that only a fool could deny what was about to happen.

* * *

><p>She couldn't even say how she had come to be flat against the bed whilst he hovered above her, neither one of them daring to make a move as they both took a moment to reflect upon the impending change in their relationship. It was almost as if they were both offering the other a get out clause, leave now or make love, those were the two options presented to the couple and they both knew which way this was headed.<p>

No words seemed necessary between them, it was only further confirmation that their relationship was about those unspoken things. They didn't need to tell each other that they loved one another before they went further, they both knew that this was the case – it was something which did not further articulation, it was the thing that made this a reality and not a piece of fiction from any romance novel...

His lips covered hers and she moaned into his mouth, his kiss arresting all of her senses and consuming every one of her thoughts. She did not think about anything beyond the deliciousness of this intimate caress and the feeling of his wonderfully soft hands as they worked their way across her body, almost as if they were desperate to commit every inch of her body to their memory.

She followed his lead, allowing him the control she sensed he craved. She knew that had she wanted to, she could never have gone anywhere other than with him. Her body responded to his touch in a way she had never felt it respond to any other man and she felt that utter euphoria that came with realising that this man, this lover was her oxygen... After him she would be ruined for anyone else, after feeling his touch she never wanted to give him up.

Her heartbeat quickened as his kisses became more urgent, his hands scrambling to connect with a greater amount of skin in a desperate bid to take everything she had to offer him...

* * *

><p>Somehow in her delirious half consciousness she became aware of his hands travelling beyond the exposure of her torso, seeking the fastening of her jeans. She sighed contentedly as he worked them down her long legs and she mumbled incoherent nothings against his all consuming lips as she heard the crumple of the denim against the softness of the carpet – the sounds a delicious juxtaposition which symbolised their impending union.<p>

He pulled away for the briefest of moments, staring down at what he would always consider to be the perfection of her body. He realised then why he had missed the passion and the love he had initially felt for Haley, it was then that he understood why he had been so reluctant to admit the resurrection of such feelings deep within him for the woman beneath him. The simple truth was the strength of the emotions he felt right now caused an overwhelming fear to rise up inside of him. He feared above all things that this dangerous kaleidoscope of sensations would become less and less controllable until the love he wished to bestow upon her was no longer a simple sentiment and more an unbreakably deep dependency...

* * *

><p>He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, in fact there was so much he wished he could say, words which rested on the tip of his tongue threatening to spill forth, but somehow he sensed that what they needed was this wordless, charged experience in which he showed rather than told her everything he needed to say.<p>

She stayed quiet, knowing just from the look in his eyes that this was what he wanted as her hands travelled the length of his body flicking at the button fly of his own jeans. He seemed to understand and soon, there were two neglected garments on his bedroom floor. They were the forgotten, the unloved, the unnecessary: the casualties of their consuming passion.

She gasped desperately, hoping that his mouth would catch and swallow her intensity as he stripped her of all remaining fabric vestiges. Her eyes rolled and for a split second she was reminded of something that snake Viper had said the first time they had encountered him _'All women want is someone who makes their eyes roll in the back of their head'. _Right now Emily wanted to thank him for making her realise that yes, beneath all of her carefully constructed mystique, she possessed the primal desire to be satisfied. She pushed the thought of the other man, perhaps the last coherent thought she was set to experience that night, from her mind, choosing instead to focus on the man who had pushed her to those limits.

* * *

><p>He was resting above her expectantly, his lips caressing her protruding collarbone gently as he waited for her to return to him in the moment he was sharing with her. She shut her eyes, squeezing them closed as she tried to still her raging thoughts. She had vowed to only think of his actions and she knew that the reason she was experiencing this deep rooted turmoil was because she simply couldn't guess where he would take her next – there was that sense of the unknown and thrilling though it was, it scared her beyond belief...<p>

After several tense seconds during which she tried anything, everything to clear her mind, to think only of this beautiful thing which was unfolding between them, she opened her eyes instantly connecting with his.

* * *

><p>The first thing she noticed was a wicked glint there and she couldn't help but wonder what on Earth it meant. She knew eventually as they fell even more deeply in love she would come to recognise his habits but for tonight at least the exhilaration she felt would continue to make her uncomfortable as he took her to new places as he exposed new parts of himself to her...<p>

He smiled cattishly, knowing that she was back from wherever she had been and revelling in this knowledge. He needed her to be fully alert, he wanted to know that he had her all, that no part of herself would be left behind. It was an all or nothing situation and he had already made the decision that when it came to her 'all' would probably never be enough.

His lips travelled down her alabaster skin, relishing the taste of her now naked body. He let his swollen mouth discover every inch of her until he stopped abruptly bracing himself for his next move. He was not disappointed as his lips closed around the pebbled peak of her left breast and her whole body arched away from the bed, her lithe perfection rising to his hot, probing tongue until he caught her in his arms and she let out a cry despite herself...

* * *

><p>Never. Never had a man used his lips on her like Aaron Hotchner could. Never had she felt so utterly desired, so utterly in love, so incredibly thrilled to be experiencing such excruciating pleasure. She was putty in his hands, he body reacted to him instinctively and once her vocal chords had been awakened there really was no way to control the mewls of deep satisfaction and crazed frustration she felt.<p>

He continued his ministrations his hands drawing lines over, down and across her perfection until he didn't think he could stand to hear the delicious noises she emitted without matching her point for point, octave for octave until it would become a logical impossibility for Jack not to wake and stumble upon this thread of Earth shatteringly perfect time...

"Aaron..." His name escaped her lips in a wisp of pent up breath and the sound almost reduced him to tears. So filled was that single word with love that it was impossible for him not to be moved.

After what could have been an eternity, it was _her_ turn to catch_ his_ sighs and the far more carnal growls she swallowed with every kiss. She knew this had everything to do with the way her hands moved down his body, finding the waist band of his boxers with her slender fingers and sliding the underwear from his strong, muscular legs.

The pads of her fingers traced infuriatingly slow concentric circles across the hair covered expanses of his thighs as he shifted above her and she could no longer deny what was about to happen...

She was driven to the point of undisguised madness as he worked his hand lower, all the while maintaining eye contact with her. Of all the things she might have expected, of all the things she might have wished for – she had never imagined that he would be so passionately cruel...

Her left hand reached behind her by instinct, grabbing onto one of the cut outs in the headboard in a desperate attempt to allow herself to channel some of the agonizing delirium he inspired. She barely managed to stifle an outright scream as he did the one thing she had never presumed him capable of and she raised her right hand, fisting it and striking his shoulder hard. He groaned and she laughed wickedly, if he got to experience a fraction of the beautiful pain and maddening discomfort he had caused her then that was fine by her...

* * *

><p>He pulled away in surprise then, his previous action ceasing as suddenly as it had started and he looked imploringly into her eyes.<p>

"That was not fair Aaron!" She told him indignantly, ignoring the look of mock hurt he shot her almost as soon as she realised that it was by no means sincere.

"Nobody said it was about fairness Emily." He retorted matching her tone.

"Then what is it about?" She teased seductively.

"Driving you crazy." He replied simply with a swift kiss.

"Well it works." She told her, looping her arms around his shoulders, as she felt him, as she became aware of his readiness...

Just as he was about to take her to that Heavenly place they both craved she stopped him. It was a reflexive action and she hated the anguish in his eyes but it had to be done.

"Wait... Don't you want to...?" Emily started her intention to ask his views about protection but he cut her off.

"I love you Emily, that's all that matters to me – we trust each other don't we? Tell me you feel the same way." He begged his voice straining.

"I love you too." She told him simply it was all the acquiescence he needed.

* * *

><p>She was ultimately only aware of their union, it was suddenly the only thing she could comprehend in a world where he was all that mattered: he was the oxygen, the lifeblood and the air she desperately needed to breathe. He was all she could think of, he was all that mattered. She locked her eyes onto his, refusing to miss a single emotion, refusing to surrender to the overwhelming waves of passion which filled her. She felt both inside and outside of herself, like Heaven really was a place and he was the only one to know it existed... until now. This was a Heaven for two...<p>

Her name escaped his lips almost as if he was bestowing worship upon a divine being. He was thankful, passionate, loving, desperate and perfect and she could only hope to show him those self same emotions...

She could hear the low moans of pleasure she emitted and she had to admit, she had never felt further from herself or so intimately connected to her true emotions as she did right now, she felt for the first time in years like Emily Prentiss had finally come home...

* * *

><p>After that realisation, nothing else mattered, not <em>her<em> hang ups or her doubts. Even_ his_ insecurities and nerves seemed unfounded, they had found each other and that was the most important thing. That night as the couple in the bed moved with one another, reassurances and whispered words of romance were nothing compared with the three little words which were everything to them.

As Emily concentrated on this fact, the words inadvertently tumbled from her lips, the last words her lover heard before he lost all sense of himself as anything other than a part of her, like this forever...

"I love you." She whispered breathily as slowly, gently and with a heartbreakingly powerful love, the man who championed old fashioned romance proved that despite her resistance, it was indeed possible to seduce Emily Prentiss...

* * *

><p><strong>Well, there it is in all its glory, if you've made it through to this end author's note then I applaud you – I know it was no easy task. Just found that once I started writing it really became a virtual impossibility for me to stop. I hope you don't think that these are just the rambles of a shameless old romantic and I hope that this chapter, which has been in production for two weeks and hinted at for a much longer period did not disappoint you. I wanted to throw a little of everything into the mix – an exploration of their mutual insecurities, a little fantasy, a little overt sexiness and most importantly a little understated love... I truly hope those sentiments have been expressed in this chapter and that I have in some ways maintained authorial integrity and truth to the characters. I would love to know what you thought since your reviews are what really motivate me and keep me writing. <strong>

**Just a couple of extra notes: **

**First about the Harlequin novel mentioned here – as I said before it does not belong to me and I stake no claim to the plot or characters they belong to Lori L Harris. I would also like to take the opportunity to say I have never read this particular romance, however when preparing to write this chapter I knew I wanted to include a realistic reference to a romance novel which fit with Hotch and Emily's situation... So I just did a basic search on **_**Google books **_**and came up with this one. I will admit to reading the available chapters in the preview – I needed to get a feel for the characters and to see if they worked well as substitutes for Emily's fantasy – Unfortunately, I couldn't go into detail on love scenes since they weren't included as part of the preview, but if you decide to take a look I'm sure you'll agree Hotch and Emily could easily be substituted for Mark and Beth... **

**Secondly, to **_**BabyGurl0506 **_**did you notice the surprise, do you remember the conversation that inspired it... I feel the reference point that was written just for you is hiding (rather poorly) in plain view :P **

**Last thing: I've spent two days editing this and hopefully I picked up all the mistakes but if not then please forgive me... **

**Thanks for sticking with me on this one, I know it sometimes takes a while for me to update, there' probably two more chapters on this one, let me know if you feel like reading what happens to our favourite couple next. **

**Much Love and eternal gratitude for putting up with my lengthy rambles, **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


	9. Love and Other Complications

**Hello lovely people. **

**Thanks so much for your reviews they really do mean so much to me. You have no idea how nervous I was posting that last chapter; I know I kind of set a bar for myself and I'm glad that you liked it. Whilst I'm in the business of thanking people I'd like to give a shout out to **_**calzonaobessed, **_**I wanted to say thanks for your reviews since I can't get hold of you by PM – I really do appreciate you taking the time to read this. **

**One quick note: This chapter will take a different track to previous ones as I move towards a close, this was always only meant to be a post Lauren coping mechanism for me after how sad it made me so I am so pleased that you've stayed with me as I moved through the process of creating this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter and will feel free to let me know what you thought – reviews always make me smile. **

**My author's note for today is the same as always: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics. **

**Sorry it's a little later than I said it would be but I promised today and today you shall have it.**

**Right so on with the show...**

* * *

><p><strong>Paul Tournier said: <strong>_**"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets." **_

The sun was shining on this fine early spring day as Aaron pulled into his drive and selected park. As he stepped out of his car and locked it behind himself. He felt the stress of the working day beginning to subside and he didn't know whether that had more to do with the crisp smell of the clean spring air which reached his nostrils, or the fact that the windows of his house were thrown open to welcome said spring air and he could therefore hear the sounds of laughter filtering out and making him smile perpetually.

He relaxed more than he had been able to all day as he walked towards the door, waving a hearty hello to Jemima as he listened to the sounds of his son and the woman he loved, the woman whom he now considered to be his girlfriend, as they shared in a moment of indulgent joy. He left his briefcase in the hall, loosening the knot in his tie as he followed the full, harmonious sounds of their laughter towards the kitchen.

When he reached the room, so often considered to be the lively hub of his home, he found three of his senses were rewarded at once. His ears were still filled with their joyous laughter but suddenly he was greeted by the tantalising aroma of hot, melting chocolate fudge sauce. But what he loved most about this stumbled upon scene was the image in front of him.

Jack was stood on a little stool which rested against the island in the centre of the kitchen to allow him better access to what looked like a tray of brownies. Behind him, her hands resting over his, guiding him as he cut the brownie into slices was Emily. Her hair was tied back into a long sleek ponytail and she wore an apron which really suited her, in fact he would go as far as to say she was a woman who could make the protective garment look sexy in that effortless way she had. It looked like beneath it she had changed out of her work clothes and was wearing a light denim button down shirt dress. She was smiling, so focussed on the moment that she wasn't even aware that she was being watched.

After a few more minutes meticulous slicing Jack put down the knife and the pair took a moment to observe their handiwork. Emily drew back, rubbing her palms together and licking the excess fudge sauce from her fingers. She had closed her eyes, revelling in the taste of the chocolate Heaven she had created this afternoon. As she opened them again she noticed her lover looking her way with lust filled eyes.

"Enjoying the show?" She asked with a wide grin. She wore no lipstick right now, her lips were bare and plump and they had never been so kissable. She really was a natural beauty.

He stepped towards them and Jack gave him his usually excitable greeting. It wasn't often that he got to see his Daddy right after school on a Friday afternoon, but cases were quiet at the moment. That was part of the reason why he was so stressed until right now, in this moment. When the team weren't called to attend a case it meant they spent time in the office catching up on paperwork – of course this was usually a plus point, they got to leave on time – hence why Emily was here now after collecting Jack from school – but this week Erin Strauss had really been on his case. She had been hounding him for everything from case reports to team performance reviews. The woman had been in his office incessantly and today, being the deadline she had set him, was no different. That was why he had never been gladder to leave the office behind a little earlier than usual and to stumble on his family this way. Wait had he just thought of Emily as part of his family? What did that even mean? Why did he doubt that fact? Of course she was...

"Well you are quite the domestic goddess I must say." He replied, his eyes shamelessly roaming her body in the apron she wore.

He watched as she turned a very endearing shade of red. That was the thing about her, people thought she was tough with an icy exterior and in the field that might have been true but at home, here with him she was bashful and shy and reluctant to accept compliments...

"Hmm I don't know about that, besides the brownies were Jack's idea. He wanted to surprise you." She replied, coming around the side of the island and placing her hands on his shoulders. They didn't have to be afraid of public displays of affection around Jack any more – Aaron had explained Emily's status as his 'special friend' at which his bright eight year old had explained that it was Ok for him to call her his girlfriend, so that was what she had become...

"How'd it go with the 'dragon lady?' Did she finally stop breathing fire?" Emily asked, knowing that when she had left the office an hour ago Strauss had still been on Aaron's back about budgets and case quota requirements and all kinds of crazy stuff.

"Looks like I survived." He replied, his eyes studying her face for a moment.

He found himself unable to contain the laughter which escaped him as he noticed a smudge of fudge sauce just above her left eyebrow. She frowned a little and pouted at him as if in confusion.

"What?" She asked in annoyance when he didn't stop laughing.

"Nothing, you just have a little..." He paused swiping his finger across the sauce and putting his finger into his mouth. "Fudge sauce on your head." He finished, murmuring his satisfaction.

"So what do you say Head Chef Hotchner... can I sample one of your brownies?" Aaron asked stepping towards the tray.

"Yep. They're still warm. I can have one too right?" Jack replied.

"Of course buddy." Aaron replied as he watched Jack help himself to a slightly wonky looking slice of brownie. He was just about to follow suit when Emily's hand on his forearm stopped him.

"Na uh. You have to have this one – it's the biggest and it comes with love from me to you." She told him, lifting out the biggest slice of brownie and offering it to him. She refused however to surrender it and instead smiled as he took a bite of it anyway. It was something so normal, so comfortable and yet the happiness she got out of the simple gesture was superseded by the terrifying reality that these people here with her now were fast becoming all that she lived for...

"Mm delicious." He mumbled as the warm sticky cake took over his senses for a moment; it was the best damn brownie he'd ever tasted.

"I thought you'd like it." She smiled as she handed him the remainder of the brownie and watched him enjoy it.

After he had finished she stepped closer to him, so close that her breath tickled at his lips. Her eyes were mischievous and he had to wonder what she had planned.

"You know, I _love _chocolate Agent Hotchner... Mind if I have a taste?" She teased and before he had time to contemplate what she was saying or indeed to articulate a reply, her lips were covering his.

He tried not to over react to the kiss in front of Jack but he wasn't going to lie he had a feeling he was going to fail – miserably. She wasted no time in taking him prisoner, both capturing and captivating him with the movement of her lips against his. Her cupid's bow was pressed just above his bottom lip as her tongue tried to nudge his lips apart. He tried to fight her for a moment but as always it was futile. Her tongue was inside of his mouth in a matter of seconds and she was sweeping it around in the desperate attempt to mingle his essence with the chocolate she could taste there...He felt himself losing control and he knew he couldn't do that in front of his son – Oh she was going to pay for this later... He pulled away quickly and found that his desire was only heightened by the smile she wore.

"You're right you know it is delicious." She told him flirtatiously and he couldn't hide his own smile at her words.

* * *

><p>He pulled away from her for fear that he would not be able to stop himself carrying her up those stairs right away and turned towards his son.<p>

"So what do you say Jack- Are you ready to go? Do you have everything you need?" He asked looking at the time. Jack had a birthday part to get to in about half an hour and they needed to leave now.

"Yep. I just need to get my back pack from my room and Emily didn't know where we keep my sleeping bag so I said you would get it for me when you got back." Jack babbled at top speed.

"Ok you get the back pack and I'll do the sleeping bag Ok? Go team Hotchner." Aaron replied heading out of the room and going to locate Jack's sleeping bag ready for his camp out in Daniel's back yard.

Aaron returned a few minutes later with the camouflaged printed sleeping bag with a concerned expression on his face.

"What's the matter?" Emily asked worriedly.

"I just thought, did we get Daniel a gift?" Aaron asked, the thought had until now gone completely out of his head.

Emily laughed then, here was a man who chased UNSUBs all day for a living without so much as blinking (it was a proven fact) and yet now in the face of this crisis he was panicking like crazy.

"What's so funny?" Aaron asked in mild irritation mentally doing the calculations as to whether a dash to the store was viable.

"Just you being a Daddy, I think it's sweet." Emily told him.

"Well thanks, but that doesn't help me now does it?" He asked running a hand through his hair.

How could he have forgotten the gift? It was more important than returning the RSVP on time, it was more important in fact than Jack actually turning up. He had never forgotten a gift before – he hadn't dared, not with the P.T.A Moms watching his every move since Haley's death. Forgetting the gift was like admitting that you couldn't cope to these women. He was sure they'd start turning up on his door step with homemade covered pot roasts as they had tried to do when Haley had first died. Only now he had Emily and despite all outward appearances that he was at last functioning at something resembling 'human level', the fall at this all important hurdle would make all of his progress seem insignificant – particularly to Mrs Lewis, Daniel's mother whose husband had died in Iraq and whom, it was common knowledge, had a little school gate crush on him... Oh God... this was like relenting and saying: 'Hey I can't cope either – let's get it together.' At least it would be to her. No way. Not ever. He had Emily now, he loved her ... He couldn't afford for there to be any question about her role as the female figure in Jack's life, the person who it would be assumed, was supposed to be on top of things like this... He simply couldn't lay that kind of responsibility at her feet.

"Earth to Aaron! Come on breathe, you've gone a worrying shade of white." Emily told him and Aaron refocused on her.

"Emily what am I going to do?" He asked, there was no way he could make to the store, have time to wrap the gift and get Jack to Daniel's house on time.

"Tell me how much you love me." Emily replied, her tone light, like there was some joke he should be in on.

"What?" He asked not getting it at all.

"You heard me. I said tell me how much you love me Aaron." She replied, reaching behind the island and placing a gift bag with the picture of a pirate on it atop the surface in front of him.

He said nothing for a moment as he looked at the gift bag in mild confusion before a smile took the place of that wildly panicked expression.

"Oh Emily I love you so much. You are incredible." Aaron told her as he realised what she had just done for him.

"Well Jack mentioned that we hadn't sorted out a gift yet, so as we were stocking up on ingredients for the brownies we stopped by at the toy store and Jack picked out a gift for Daniel. It's the new _'Ben 10' __TM_ figurine – everyone wants one apparently, so I hope you don't mind but I picked one up for Jack too, I let him have it now rather than waiting for his birthday." She smiled at him, pushing the gift towards him.

"Oh I bet you are his new favourite person right now, in fact I'm surprised that he didn't mention it before. Thank you Emily, for sorting out the gift and for being so brilliant with Jack." Aaron told her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"Well we were having so much fun making brownies I guess he sort of forgot about it and you know sorting out a gift really wasn't a problem – I had fun wandering around the toy store, it made me feel... I don't know..." She trailed off not wanting to commit to finishing the sentence the way she wanted to.

"What were you going to say?" Aaron wanted to know, there weren't many opportunities for him to get a glimpse of her like this and he wanted to take of advantage of this rarity.

"Oh it's silly..." She told him, her cheeks flaming.

"Not to me Emily, I want to know." He told her.

"Well I guess shopping with Jack and making the brownies... I guess it sort of made me feel like I was part of 'team Hotchner' just for a little while." She told him bashfully.

"Emily you _are_ part of this team Ok? You're a big part of my life and you're a big part of Jack's life – I think that officially makes you honorary member of team Hotchner." He told her, hoping that she absorbed even a little of the passion he felt right now.

"That means a lot to me Aaron." She smiled, biting back the prickling of tears she felt threatening to fall as Jack ran at her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

* * *

><p>"Are you coming with us?" He asked her as Aaron located the car keys.<p>

"No honey, I'm going stay here and clean up but we have the weekend off so I'll see you tomorrow Ok?" She told him.

"Are you going to stay over tonight?" Jack asked, it wasn't unusual he knew that Emily stayed over now and he often asked the question when she came over.

She thought about this for a moment, in the ten months they had been together and especially recently Aaron had been asking her increasingly about whether she would consider a more permanent co-habitual living arrangement. For some reason, although she loved Aaron and Jack she was still reluctant to give up her apartment and make her relationship with him that much more real. So she would still come here on their days off and stay with Aaron overnight before leaving again in the morning. It made her feel like their relationship was just for fun and that certainly wasn't what she wanted but the thought of anything else – of actually living here scared her witless right now...

"Uh I don't know Jack, maybe. But I'll definitely see you in the morning Ok?" She told him, giving him a light squeeze.

"Well then I'll see you tomorrow." Jack conceded as he followed his father to the door.

* * *

><p>As soon as Jack was out of ear shot, Aaron turned back towards her quickly.<p>

"You _are _stayingtonight right?" He asked in the same boyish tone his son had used.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see." She teased, turning on the tap without looking back at him.

* * *

><p>She had just finished rinsing the baking tray and was putting it back in the cupboard when she heard Aaron's car pull up on the drive. She continued on with the task, hoping that it was would quell the quickening of her heartbeat. They were going to be alone for the first time in over a week – being at home was all well and good but unlike the other members of the team, Aaron always worked late in the office – and she was in desperate need of some private time with her lover.<p>

She heard him come in the door and the sound of his keys as they hit the table in the hall, but she did not call out to him – it felt too much like something a housewife would do and she certainly didn't want him to get the wrong impression. She didn't want to mess with whatever they had here – it was too good, it _felt_ too good...

She was back at the sink by the time he entered the kitchen, running a cloth around the edges of it to soak up some of the suds from the washing up liquid she had been using. He did not speak as he approached her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the back of her neck, just to the right of her ponytail.

"You know Agent Prentiss I have been waiting all afternoon for a chance to get you alone – What you did earlier, kissing me like that in front of Jack... that was very... _naughty._" He told her, his thought process interrupted each time he pressed his lips to her soft skin.

She reached down and gripped his forearms, wiggling a little and turning to face him. Just as she was about to reply she found her words stolen by the jamming of his lips onto hers. He kissed her with such fervour and wild passion that she felt a mild thrill of fear course through her body. She guessed that was natural. They had been together ten months now and had made love countless times. She thought she was finally getting to recognise his habits and then suddenly he was acting this way... She loved him for that, for maintaining the ability to surprise her, to make it so she would never become complacent...

"Have I been a bad girl?" She teased, her voice thick with lust. She decided to follow him on this, to see how far he would let this go. She saw his eyes darken immeasurably but also noticed that he wore a slightly nervous smile. Oh God. What if she'd pushed him too far? They had never done this before. When they made love it was always such an intense experience, so filled with emotion and such a deep connection that it could not be denied that they were fuelled by love. But now? They were toying with that dangerous line, or at least she was. She was pushing that boundary – testing him, asking him if he was also motivated by lust... this was a fact she knew – he lusted after her but he had never taken her, demanded her in this carnal way...

"Yes Emily, you have." He replied without a moment's hesitation. He was willing to go with her on this. She knew he loved her, he knew she loved him – they had that kind of trust, they knew that wherever they went they would go there together and that they would always have that love.

She leant a little closer to him, her lips ghosting across the strong column of his neck and coming to rest just on his earlobe. Her breath tickled at the shell of his ear as she whispered to him. "However can I make it up to you?"

He smiled then, a wide grin he had shown only her and she knew that he liked where this was heading, in fact she could offer no complaints either... Her chest was already heaving as her respiratory rate zoomed up and her heartbeat quickened...

"Oh I'm sure you'll think of a way." He told her letting her go and walking away towards the living room.

* * *

><p>She took a moment to try to steady her breathing and to think of something before she followed him. She knew of course what he was suggesting, she just wasn't sure she could be that person. She guessed this was the ultimate test, it would provide her with the answer to her deepest fear – could she really be sexy for him?<p>

He was sitting on the couch facing the fire place sipping a scotch as he waited for her to join him. For a moment, he was sure she was backing out. For a moment there he had thought he would too. He wasn't used to spontaneous bouts of passion, especially not at just after 5.30 in the evening but then he had faced facts – he was stressed, they were finally alone together and he wanted her. He loved making love to her, but just once he didn't want to think about things, just once he wanted them to have sex – pure, unashamedly passionate and hot sex. Right now, here in the living room – just to prove that they could... to prove that _he_ could let go. She knew he was romantic and she had told him she loved him for that, he knew she liked what they did, what he did to her when they made love but he also wanted her to see another side of him, a person he rarely let out – someone wild and passionate and totally spontaneous...

He smiled to himself as he sensed rather than saw her presence in the room. There was just something about the prickling of the air as the electricity between them crackled around the room. She walked around the couch and she couldn't help the nervous giggle which escaped her as he abandoned the drink he had been holding, focussing all of his attention on watching her...

She had taken her hair down that was the first thing he noticed. God he still hadn't gotten over his obsession with her hair and he thought he probably never would... He had honestly never seen her look as sexy as she did right now – dressed in only a thin denim dress, her legs bare and her hair tumbling wildly around her shoulders... He wanted nothing more than to grab her right now and take everything she had to offer, he wanted it all...

"Tell me what you want Aaron. Tell me exactly what you want." She told him, her voice a sultry whisper.

"I want you... I want you on that rug..." He told her, his eyes flicking to the white rug where all of this had started...

"Ok..." She murmured lowering herself down. As she was about to kneel, he stopped her, raising a hand in a motion that said she should halt her actions.

"I want you to take the dress off first." He instructed.

"Well why didn't you just say so?" She teased, her eyes smiling as her fingers went for the first button on the dress.

She worked slowly, dragging out the process, deliberately fumbling with each and every button until the dress was hanging loosely upon her shoulders. She heard him draw in a breath and smirked a little. She had chosen this underwear this morning to produce exactly that reaction. She had known they were going to be alone and she had wanted to surprise him...

She looked fantastic. That fact was only further cemented in his mind as she shrugged the dress from her shoulders and stood before him in that beautiful navy lingerie. Although the colour was dark, the lace was so sheer that his imagination hardly had to work at all... She was beautiful, that was the simple truth. He had always thought so but he loved how amazing she was in these intimate moments, when only he got to enjoy her. His eyes roamed the length of her body shamelessly, gliding over the scars as a commonplace she now wore so proudly and noticing the endearing blush that was creeping down her neck and across her lace clad breasts as he stared...

"Emily..." He moaned out her name and she giggled, loving the fact that they could be as vocal as they pleased in the house which was empty save for them...

"Do you like what you see Aaron?" She teased, her fingers playing with a lock of her hair.

"You are perfection." He told her simply and in seconds he was standing opposite her, his hands on every inch of her body he could touch as he lowered them both down onto the rug.

She looked up at him adoringly as his tongue, his hot lips and his amazing hands did indescribable things to her body. She was delighted that she didn't have to control herself this time and she took advantage of this to the fullest extent crying out as he worked her, forcing her to submit to his will and she did – it was all she could do, it was all she ever wanted to do.

As her body arched away from the floor he slipped his hands around her back and unclasped her bra with the kind of blind expertise of a lover who knew her so well. She found her own hands moving in frenzy to rid him of his long sleeved white work shirt. When she couldn't rid him of the garment quickly enough she took fistfuls of the fabric in each hand and ripped it apart. He pulled away in mild alarm for a moment, his eyebrow quirking in an admonishing way and she tried to smile sweetly at him.

"I'll buy you a new one, what the Hell I'll buy you two." She promised , whipping the ruined shirt down his flexed biceps and away, abandoned – it didn't matter anymore.

He took a moment to pull her slackened bra off her tossing it somewhere, anywhere that wasn't on her body and she groaned as he went to work on her now exposed breasts... They continued this way until they were both body to body and aching with need.

She gasped loudly as he was suddenly inside of her and she screamed out his name in sheer wantonness as his hands continued to lavish attention upon her breasts. He had taken her by surprise with his roughness and in how urgently he took her, possessing her completely and pulling her along with him. She was completely at his mercy and he knew it as he thrust his tongue into her mouth his kisses mirroring the way he moved inside of her.

"Aaron..." She murmured, her world starting to become a blur as thoughts of him filled her.

"Emily... Oh God... Emily I love you." He told her, careful to remind her of that fact. It didn't matter that the expression of their feelings had taken a different path today, he knew that the sentiment would always remain the same. He loved her and he needed her to know that.

"I... Oh God... Oh Aaron... I love you too." She cried at the height of her passion and then the world became blissfully peaceful as she lost herself in love...

* * *

><p>They were still laid on the floor of the living room an hour later, both too consumed by the lethargic happiness which their union had created. She was on her stomach, her head resting on her arms as she watched her lover, who lay by her side, the heat from his body offering her all the warmth she needed.<p>

Neither spoke for a while as they stared at each other. This was often their way, after such an intense union, such a charged experience they often retreated to the silence of their own thoughts. His arm was draped across her back as if the very thought of letting her go pained him. After a time, his fingers began to trace patterns across her skin, skimming the tattoo on her lower back – a tattoo which had been modified since her return so that where previously she had had the word _Valhalla _written in a crude scrawl which she had since explained to him, now she had a bird, spreading it's wings. She smiled lazily at him as he drew concentric patterns across her back moving gently further around her body until his fingers brushed the protrusion of her hip – the location of the second tattoo, thankfully uncorrupted by evil a simple E - a symbol of identity to remind her even in her rebellious teenage years who she was. She loved the way his hands felt on her body, loved the close intimacy of this simple act. It showed that no matter what he would love her, it no longer mattered what scars or signs of the life she had lead before him her body might bear.

"Can I ask you something Emily?" He asked finally breaking the silence that had ensued.

"Sure. Anything." She replied leaning into him and kissing him lightly.

"Well... We know that Lauren Reynolds '_wasn't the marrying type' _so I just wanted to ask you what Emily Prentiss' thoughts are on the subject." He told her tentatively recalling one of the many things she had told him about 'Lauren' since they had been together, knowing that this could go very wrong or that she could get the wrong idea.

She was shocked. For what felt like forever she was unsure of how to answer him. What on Earth was she supposed to say to that? Did this constitute a proposal and if so where had it come from? Felicity, her best friend from Yale, who like so many people from college had 'lost contact' with her after she had decided on joining the Bureau, had described the moment when Ronan – her 'college jock' movie star perfect boyfriend had proposed on graduation night as something she expected, something she had suspected for weeks and ultimately as something she actually _wanted_. Although she hadn't spoken to Felicity and Ronan in some years she always received a Christmas card from them which depicted the perfect family – Felicity with her golden ringlets and perpetual Miami glow, Ronan with his equally blonde hair and ten thousand watt smile and Harriet and Hugo – their twins who were the images of their mother and father respectively. Oh yeah Felicity and Ronan were living the good life with a house on Miami beach and two holiday lets in the Hamptons... but was that what Emily Prentiss wanted? She loved Aaron and Jack, she knew that without a doubt but did she want marriage? Did she want to be a suburban housewife? Could she ever hope to be that person when the only thing she had ever known was her career, that was all she had ever wanted, all she had ever needed. Could that really change now? Perhaps the more pertinent question was whether or not she was ready to make the sacrifice for them – could she contemplate a life in which she wasn't a kick-ass FBI agent? She just wasn't sure.

The truth was she had never considered anything other than a life of independence and solitude – she had never been given a reason to believe that she could have the life of companionship with all its entailed 'suburban house wife' images... until now. She had always been pragmatic, she had never even really bought into the American Dream – _F Scott Fitzgerald_ certainly had a few points in his characterisation of _Gatsby_ as far as she was concerned. She was a realist, it had been instilled and she prided herself on that even now. She had never been one of those little girls who spent hours with their heads bent over their mother's copy of _Home_ _Magazine _staring at the carefully stylised layouts with their perfectly kept suburban fairytale homes and their posed model 'Mom and Dad with two point four children' families. No she had spent her days reading Ancient Greek versions of Homer's _The Iliad _or _The Odyssey _and doing a far better job of translating them than any of the published works. The only magazines in her house growing up had been _Politics _or _Forbes Magazine _because her mother had always been trying to instil her own ambitions and goals into her daughter and had of course always been searching for a way to get on the annual _Forbes list of 100 most Powerful Women – _to no avail. So Emily Prentiss had never grown up with particularly romanticised views of the world and had never spent her Saturdays marrying the boy from across the street like Sarah, the little girl who lived on the corner of the street had. So no, she hadn't had the 'wedding fantasy' and even in her ten month with Aaron – her longest ever- she hadn't even considered marriage. Of course she had had the 'baby fantasy' – had even made Aaron privy to it at one point - but had she ever really considered how she would have a child? No. It had just been an assumption on her part that she would be a mother – end of conversation. As always. As soon as it turned serious she high tailed it out of there...

"Emily?" He asked drawing her out of her whirling reverie.

She swallowed nervously... what could she say? "Do we have to talk about her?" She asked after a while, meaning of course Lauren Reynolds.

"Ah a diversionary tactic... clever... Well it's progress at least... you're thinking of her a separate person at last. But I'm serious Emily I'd like to know where I stand." Aaron told her looking right at her and holding her gaze.

"Aaron please..." She begged.

"Why is this so hard for you? Any time things start to turn a little serious in our conversation you try to change the subject and I'm tired of it Emily. We're adults and sometimes I just wish you would behave like one." He told her sadly.

She felt like she had been slapped by his comment. He thought she was behaving like a child? Where had that come from? They had just been engaging in some very _adult _ activities this evening and still he had the audacity to come out with something like that?

"Do you see? Do you see what you do? We just had an amazing evening and you ruined it! Your 'serious' conversations always do. Why can't you just accept what we have?" She asked, her voice blazing with anger. Still right now she hoped this would be resolved, that he'd apologise, kiss her maybe then perhaps they'd make love again and it would all be forgotten.

"I can't accept it because for me it isn't enough anymore. I love you damn it Emily and I want us to take the next logical step in this relationship. I have to think about Jack in all of this too." He told her, keeping his voice calm he was not about to rise to the anger she was throwing at him.

"So the 'next logical step' for us is marriage? For God's Sake Aaron I don't even live with you and what the Hell do you mean 'you have Jack to think about in all of this'?" She asked, the words hitting the air in angry waves.

"I didn't mean that I wanted to get married right away, I was merely asking your thoughts on the subject. God knows I've tried absolutely everything I can think of to get you to move in here with us. I miss you when you're not here – I miss waking up next to you in the mornings and with our jobs I want to spend as much time as a family as possible. That's what I consider us to be – that's what I want for us. Jack needs stability, he loves you and I know you love him – he needs a mother Emily that's all I meant." Aaron told her and he watched as she went a disturbingly pale.

"Don't you dare! Don't you do this to me – don't use Jack. That's exactly what Doyle tried to do... Don't you dare try to do this, don't you dare try to keep me in this relationship or to make me commit to something bigger, something more by using your child." She told him, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel this way. It's just that you mean so much to me and to Jack and I just want to be with you – that's all I want. I just want you to feel safe, I just want to know where you see this going and I want to feel like we're on the same page about this relationship." He begged.

"Where this is going? Why does everything have to be about the future with you? Why can't we just accept that we love each other enough day to day – enjoy the moment?" She asked.

"Are you saying that you don't love me enough to see a future with me Emily?" He asked sadly.

"No! Damn it... Why does this have to be so hard? Why do I have to love you? If this had been... If this was just... just sex then everything would be so much simpler." She told him, her voice frustrated as suddenly she realised there would be no easy make up to this fight.

"Just sex? Is that what you would have preferred? A quick screw in the office perhaps – you know to get rid of the tension and then be done with me?" He growled getting up and stepping back into his boxers.

"You know that isn't what I meant." She spoke quietly, her voice already admitting defeat.

"Then what did you mean? Where is any of this is coming from? You'd better explain it to me because I sure as Hell don't know." Aaron told her.

"I just meant that love makes everything complicated. I feel like when I'm with you nothing else seems to matter to me – not work, not who I am independently. When we're together I lose myself and I only want to love you and to be a part of your family. I can't afford to become dependent on you Aaron. I promised myself that I would never be defined by a relationship and that I would always know who I am as a woman. I can't be some trophy wife Aaron, I'm an FBI agent and someday you're going to be Director – Strauss can't deny you that now. I'll be proud of you but I can't be the decoration to that. I'm not..." She stopped, terrified by what she was going to say.

"What Emily? You're not what? Or rather you're not who? Go on you can say her name – you can get to the truth of the matter." He told her, bristling as he stepped into his dress pants and threw on the ruined shirt.

"For Christ's Sake Aaron, you know who! I CAN'T BE HALEY Ok? That's not who I am and I never will be. I can't just sit around and watch you waiting for me to be something I'm not." She told him hoisting herself up from the carpet with more than a little reluctance and desperately trying to shield her body from him as she searched for her underwear.

He was speechless, did she really think that was what he was 'waiting for'? In truth he hadn't thought of Haley in any other capacity than as Jack's mother for ten months. He had stopped being consumed with loving her with every day that passed when he and Emily were together. He had loved his wife, that was fact but she was entirely different from Emily and that why he loved her - because she showed him new things, she had discovered new parts of him he hadn't even realised existed and he wanted to be with her for a very long time.

She grappled around finally finding her bra near the couch and grabbing at it. God they had been so reckless, so wild she barely even recognised the aftermath of their passion. She had been so used to making love to him in his bed – after mutual undressing, neat and meticulous and her heart raced at the discovery that they could also be these people. She wanted to turn around right now and kiss away the pain she knew she had inflicted upon him with that last comment, she wanted to apologise, to tell him that she would move in with him, that she was ready to marry him that she was ready to be part of his family, that she could finally commit but her stubbornness prevented her from doing so. Instead she turned to him with a streak of viciousness and started another tirade.

"Jesus what are we a couple of teenagers? Did we actually have to rip each other's clothes off?" She spat, knowing that despite implicating herself in that accusation he would take it to heart.

He couldn't say anything as he watched her dress with such a frightful anger. There didn't seem to be any words to describe the way she had made him feel, but despite the feeling of utter wretchedness she had instilled he still loved her, would always love her.

"I'm sorry." He whispered simply when there seemed to be nothing more to say and the two words broke her heart. She wanted to return them, in fact she needed to – for so many reasons. There were things she needed to say, things she needed to tell him and the way things were now she felt like she couldn't – it simply wasn't the right time.

She still had her back to him as she buttoned up her dress and stepped into her sandals which lay exactly where she had left them when she came in, came home, over three hours ago. Her blood was raging. She was angry and she didn't even know what the argument was about, she had just overreacted as usual and now she had managed to turn something so romantic – his desire to have her live with him and his suggestion of marriage into something negative – as always. _'Way to go Emily – ruin the one good thing in your life'. _She thought to herself.

"You know none of those things you think are true Emily. I'm not waiting for you to be Haley and neither is Jack. You know just the other day he asked me if I was going to marry you – if we were going to be a family and I told him that's what we already are and that I wanted to marry you but now I see that I was dreaming alone – that you just don't feel the same way that I do." He told her in resignation.

"Aaron... don't you understand? It took so much for me to say that I loved you, it took so much to give you my heart. This... this is moving too fast... it's too much and I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, really I am but I think I'm meant to be on my own." She told him, grabbing her purse from the table and heading towards the door...

"Tell me you love me Emily... please..." He begged.

"Aaron, it isn't a question of love anymore, it's a question of commitment and I just can't do that right now. I just don't have that vision for my life – I never did, you see there are certain parts of Lauren Reynolds which filtered into the way I do things now and living with you, _marrying _you is just one of those things. I'm sorry." She told him coldly, not stopping to wait for his reaction before she left the house, this time sensing the finality of it all.

* * *

><p>Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she walked down the path and towards the car, careful not to turn towards the window, through which even though they were on opposite sides of the glass, she could feel the heat of his stare. Leaving was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life, harder even than lying to the team about her death but it was one of those definitive actions, the kind where once you had made the decision there really was no going back.<p>

She kept her eyes resolutely fixed upon her car, all she had to do was get to it and everything was going to be Ok. That was what she kept telling herself as she reached from the door handle, ignoring the calls of Jemima, Aaron's kind, lonely and subsequently interfering neighbour who sat on her porch observing the comings and goings of this picturesque suburb with interest.

"What has that foolish man done this time? Heaven knows he doesn't know a good thing even when it hits him right between the eyes." Jemima spoke in a disgruntled tone and her assumptions about Aaron simply made Emily cry harder.

As she got into the car she wished she'd had the gumption to reply to the older woman and to tell her that it wasn't Aaron's fault at all. She had screwed this one up. She had allowed the secret she harboured to consume her until she had reacted badly to any mention of their future together and now she regretted it. What she had said as she left the house had been true. It had never been a question of love. She _did _love him, she was just scared witless and now instead of being brave she was doing the classic Emily Prentiss thing – running away and not looking back, no matter what her heart was telling her.

She started the engine, her hand shaking as she turned the key in the ignition. She took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind before she started the drive. She needed to get away, she had to get out of here now. She selected 'drive' and floored the accelerator speeding away from the perfect suburb which was home to the perfect man and his perfect son with a sinking feeling that she was also speeding away from her chance at happiness, from her shot at a perfect life...

* * *

><p><strong>One week later... <strong>

It was all happening so fast. Only a week ago she had been enjoying some time with Jack making treats and buying him gifts before indulging in some quality time with her lover and this week? She was taping up the last box of her stuff ready for the interstate removal company to come and collect tomorrow...

She remembered the conversation at ridiculous o clock on Monday morning with Unit Chief Erin Strauss well. Not least because it was so utterly life changing and so incredibly sickening:

_She had arranged the meeting early. Not just your average 'be in my office at 8 am' early, but '7am not even the security team are in yet' early. That was the only way she knew for definite she could avoid him. He would be getting Jack up soon, getting him ready for school before heading in a little after 8.30 ready to go over prospective cases with JJ. She swiped herself into the Bureau and headed towards Strauss's office. She hadn't been there often, but she remembered the time when she had been summoned with astounding clarity. "If you value your position with the BAU you'll help me bring down Agent Hotchner" or words to that effect. She had felt sick then and she felt sick now. So much had changed since then and yet the core feeling of betrayal remained a constant. By not telling him about this meeting she knew he would be hurt, that he would feel betrayed by her and that hurt her heart but this was the only way she could do this. She needed it to be quick and clean. Efficient and clinical -no messy fall out or at least, none that she would be around to see. _

_She took a seat in the office's atrium, the fingernails of her left hand picking over those on her right. Not even Agent Graham, Strauss' personal assistant was here. That was good, that meant that there was no one here to see her behaving like a naughty school girl waiting for her headmistress. It also meant that this conversation would be just between the two of them and therefore, none of the team would know where she was headed or when. _

_She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves as she heard the tell tale clack of the other woman's heels as she approached the office. This was it. It was time to face the truth – she had never really belonged here and it was time to leave now before she did anymore damage. _

_The older woman, both respected and loathed by so many in the FBI said nothing as she closed the door behind her and Emily had to wonder if she was even aware of her presence in the room. She seemed distracted as she ran her hand through her blonde hair and Emily was considering leaving the office without burdening her with her own problems but then she turned towards her and she was trapped by that powerfully stern gaze._

"_Agent Prentiss won't you come through?" Erin asked, her voice quiet and tired. _

_Emily nodded and followed her into the office taking the proffered chair and biting her lip nervously. _

"_So... What can I do for you?" Erin asked when Emily did not seem to be particularly forthcoming. _

"_Uh... I wanted to discuss... a transfer with you." Emily told her hesitantly, not meeting her eye. The words were harder to articulate than she had first considered they were going to be. _

"_A transfer? You want to leave the BAU so soon after your return?" The other woman replied, confusion lacing her tone. _

"_Yes." Emily replied simply. She had rehearsed this whole big speech – the team weren't accepting her back well after her 'death', she didn't feel comfortable here anymore, she felt she would be bettered suited to work more focussed on her specialism... But nothing beat the truth, besides she could never really be cruel about the team. They had welcomed her back after all and she was happy here... except now she couldn't face working with him and then there were the other complications... _

"_May I ask why?" Erin asked, not dismissing the request immediately, but rather giving the other agent a chance to explain. _

"_Well... Ma'am I just think it's time I moved on. We both know the BAU was never forever when it came to me. I feel like it's time to find the place where I belong." Emily told her, swallowing all the truths she couldn't utter. _

"_But surely the best place for you is with this team? That way you can use your skills in a productive way. That desk job in the Chicago office was a waste of your talents Agent Prentiss." Erin replied. _

"_Well I appreciate the confidence but... I need a job which takes me out of the field for a while... a change of scenery..." She trailed off terrified that she'd have to tell the truth... _

_Erin's eyes flashed with understanding but she did not push any further, instead she logged into the computer and busied herself with something on screen for a few minutes. _

"_Have you liaised with Agent Hotchner on this matter?" Erin asked after a moment, hitting print as she did so. _

"_Um... actually I'd prefer if he wasn't informed until after I leave." She told her, the feeling of deep rooted sickness beginning to overwhelm her. _

"_Agent Hotchner is your SSAIC he deserves to know about this, in fact he'll have to authorise the transfer." Erin told her. _

"_Please... Ma'am, I'm asking you to understand this... Please." She begged, trying to keep the tears which threatened from falling._

"_You know what? I'll see what I can do. As it happens there's a spot in your old unit over in the Chicago office. I'm assuming you're looking for an interstate transfer and not a departmental change?" Erin asked. _

"_Yes Ma'am, I think it's time to move on, as much as I've loved working here at Quantico I need to start over, it was stupid of me to think that after everything that happened I could come back here." Emily told her and this time her tears actually fell. _

"_Ok... Leave it with me." Erin told her giving her a half smile before signalling that she was free to leave. _

_Erin watched her go with a sense that she was losing a valuable agent in Emily Prentiss. Whilst she had asked no questions, she understood what the other woman had been trying to tell her and despite the FBI's clear guidelines on fraternisation, her heart when out to her. _

"_Agent Prentiss." She called as she reached the door. _

"_Yes Ma'am?" _

"_Just don't do something you'll regret... You know, family really is the most important thing, more important than your career and certainly more important than any 'complications' you might be experiencing. Just think about it Ok?" Erin told her, looking directly at the photograph of her own family as she spoke the words and Emily could tell she spoke from experience, everyone knew Erin Strauss was driven and career motivated and only now did the brunette stop to consider the cost of this determined career orientated focus. What if she was making a mistake?_

"_Thank you Ma'am." She replied simply before walking out of the office and not stopping until she was holed up at her mother's house – the one place he wouldn't think to look for her. _

_As Emily Prentiss left her office Erin Strauss could be seen to be wearing a perplexed expression. She was in an awkward position. She had never liked Aaron Hotchner, mainly because she could see that he possessed the potential that she had never quite mastered to go far in the Bureau. Still she didn't think that Aaron deserved to be cut out of the decision for Agent Prentiss to be transferred, particularly as she sensed there was more between them than Emily had felt at liberty to disclose. _

_She took a deep breath and lifted the phone from the cradle. The phone rang and Aaron's stressed, anguished voice filled the receiver. _

"_Emily?" He asked almost desperately the Unit Chief thought. So maybe that explained Emily's eagerness to leave. _

"_No Agent Hotchner this is Erin Strauss." _

"_Oh I'm sorry. What can I do for you Erin?" He asked, his voice suddenly professional. _

"_Well Agent Hotchner I was hoping you could help me fix a little dilemma I find myself in. You see I feel that this is make or break for you in terms of your life, not just your career." Erin told him before he murmured his assent, of course he would help her if his career or personal life was being questioned and she proceeded to explain the situation... _

* * *

><p>That had been a week ago and she had been successfully hiding out at her mother's since. He had called her over a hundred times and she had taken to turning her phone off during the day and checking messages throughout the day. They all said the same, they all begged for her forgiveness <em>"I love you, I'm sorry please forgive me, I love you."<em> when in truth she should be begging his forgiveness, for ducking out of their relationship the moment things started to get serious and just a little frightening and for keeping secrets from him, but mostly she wanted to tell him that she loved him and wanted to be with him.

Now she was back at her apartment, taping up the last box of her stuff and hoping that she would make it to the airport without running into him. She needed this to be final, otherwise she would never go. She would deal with everything else when she got to Chicago and into the small apartment she had rented. She didn't know why she had rented rather than bought an apartment in the new state, she planned to go there and stay but she felt like her heart was being left behind right here...

"Emily are you sure you want to do this?" A familiar voice spoke from behind her and she was again reminded that this was a mess. Now she would have to say goodbye and goodbyes weren't her strong point.

She had been ambushed by the three ladies of the BAU as soon as she returned to her apartment and she hadn't been able to shake them since. She needed them to go so that things didn't become messy when it was time to leave for the airport.

_No. _She thought to herself. She wasn't sure that going back to the analysis of terrorist cells at a desk in Chicago was at all what she wanted and contrary to what she had said to Aaron a week ago, she wasn't at all sure that she wanted to be alone anymore.

"I have to." She replied instead, turning towards her three blonde friends sadly. It really was the last thing she wanted to do but she had gotten herself into a situation and this was the only thing she felt she could do now...

"Em..." Penelope began but Emily held up a hand in a signal that she should stop.

"_Don't start."_ She told her brashly and Garcia looked at her with the same hurt expression as when she had said those same words before.

"What time's your flight?" Ashleigh asked, trying to distract from the imminent exchange of harsh words.

"An hour and a half flight C190 to Chicago." Emily sighed, piling the box on top of the nineteen others.

"Whoa, kind of puts your life into perspective doesn't it?" She asked as she surveyed the pitiful twenty boxes which held her possessions. It was then that it hit her – the boxes contained things not memories, there was nothing in them of a remotely personal nature and that saddened her. She had been in Aaron and Jack's life ten months and yet there was nothing here to suggest that they had spent any time together. No photographs or drawings and she realised then that her failure to commit had been her biggest mistake of all.

"We'll go with you." JJ told and although it sounded like a request rather than a suggestion she still fought her.

"Jayje, don't make this harder, please you have to let me go." Emily told her.

"We're_ going_ with you." The other woman insisted and Emily could do nothing but agree.

"I have to change for the flight, I won't be long." She told them exiting the room.

* * *

><p>As soon as they heard the shower in the en-suite turn on JJ pulled out her cell.<p>

"Right Ok ladies of the BAU, tell me did Emily Prentiss profile as a woman who wants to leave?" She asked with a slight smile.

"Jayje..." Penelope warned, one bout of Emily's wrath had been enough for today.

"No, she doesn't want to leave." Ashleigh answered for them both and JJ smiled at her.

"I like this girl, she's knows what's good for unlike some people I could mention." She told Penelope poking her tongue out at her as she looked down at her phone. "Time for 'operation Romance' I think." She continued as she dialled Hotch's number.

"Hotch it's JJ, you have one hour and thirty minutes before she leaves. We're at her apartment." She told him and was greeted by a dial tone as he hung up the phone either that was a bad sign, or hopefully a very, very good sign...

* * *

><p>Emily pulled on a simple grey silk top and folded a light jacket into her bag before slicking on another coat of red lipstick. If she was leaving, for good this time, she was sure as Hell going to do it with her head held high it was all happening so fast, she had half expected more time but the Chicago seemed very keen to have her start with some immediacy. She looked around the empty bedroom and was suddenly glad than in ten months she had never brought him here. It would have been too difficult, there would have been too many memories trapped in the walls. She picked up her bag and exited closing the door firmly behind her. It was time to move on...<p>

She came into the living room and noticed all of her friends looking sullen and withdrawn, exactly as she imagined they had looked in the weeks, months and years after her 'death'. It broke her heart to see them like this and to know that she was causing their pain again.

"Hey Chicago's not that far away and there's email, IM and phone calls. We'll speak all the time." She told them with a bright smile that didn't even reach her eyes.

"Until you forget us." Penelope told her.

"I won't forget you, I promise." Emily assured her although she knew that it would hard with the team away on cases and her in Chicago, talking would be difficult.

"Maybe... maybe you don't really have to go. We don't even know why you're going anyway." Ashleigh suggested tentatively. They had all been speculating about the reason for Emily's sudden departure knowing as they did about her relationship with Hotch.

"It's complicated but this is what I need - quick, clean and with limited fuss." Emily told them and they all looked rather disappointed when she didn't elaborate.

Just as JJ was about to push the issue further, there was a light knock at the door...

* * *

><p>Emily got up hesitantly, she had a fair idea of who was going to be at the door if JJ's face was anything to go by and she really didn't want to answer it. But she was in an awkward position, she couldn't exactly sit here and wait for him to go away with her three guests in the apartment, so she did the only thing she could do. She went to open the door.<p>

She unlatched it and found herself face to face with... no one. There was no one there, it was either a hoax or he was hiding down the corridor waiting to pounce out on her. It seemed unlikely to say the least, it wasn't his style. She was just about to shut it when she felt something wrap around her leg and as she looked down she noticed the unmistakable sandy hair of Jack Hotchner.

Oh this was low...

"Emily!" He squealed grappling at her and trying to launch himself into her arms.

"Jack... What are you doing here? Where's your Daddy?" She asked bending down and lifting him up. He wrapped his legs around her hip instinctively and nestled into the crook of her shoulder.

She didn't have to wait long for the answer since a very red faced Hotch ran up the corridor after his son. He was clearly out of breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry – we took the elevator and I told him what number you lived at..." Aaron told her, completely disregarding the significance of being here in favour of offering her this little apology.

"What are you even doing here Hotch?" She asked coldly, using his last name in a feeble hope to create distance.

Aaron was quiet for a moment as he looked at her, taking in her appearance – she was so beautiful to him right now standing there clutching his son to her hip.

"Can I at least come in for a minute?" He asked, clutching at straws.

"You haven't answered my question." She told him bitterly, trying to ignore the way Jack was playing with her hair in that soothing, innocently child like way.

"Isn't it obvious Emily? I love you and I've come to stop you from leaving." He told her, breaking her heart as he reached out and secured his hand around her shoulder, guiding her back into her apartment despite her protest.

"That can't be done Hotch, I'm leaving for the airport soon – I'm expected in Chicago." She told him, ignoring the fact that he was still professing his love to her.

"Actually you're expected back at the BAU come Monday, you see what Erin failed to tell you is that despite her best intentions no transfer can be authorised without the permission and signature of the SSAIC, naturally and for obvious reasons I negated to sign the appropriate paper work – so it's the BAU or nothing I'm afraid." Hotch told her, apparently quite proud of his deviousness.

"What? You can't do that! _Why _would you do that?" She asked in pure shock, how dare he try to control her like this?

"Emily I did it for multiple reasons – the first being that you are an excellent profiler and we need you on our team, secondly and more importantly as I already told you, _I love you _and if you think I'm prepared to let you fly to another state on the back of _one_ argument then you must be crazy." He told her as passionately as he could in front of an audience of stunned BAU agents.

She looked away from him and down at Jack who had been surprisingly quiet as he clung to her.

" I missed you. You told me you were going to be there when I got back from Daniel's house and you weren't there." He told her frankly.

"I'm sorry Jack, I had to come home – I'm sorry we didn't get to spend Saturday together." She apologised weakly.

"Daddy says we might have to say goodbye to you today. You're not really going away right?" He asked.

"Well honey I..." She started but the boy interrupted her again.

"Daddy says he shouted at you and he says he's _really_ sorry." Jack told her.

She said nothing as she used her free hand to wipe away a tear.

"Is this what you hoped for when you brought him here Aaron? Did you want to make me feel guilty?" She asked in a whisper.

"Not at all. I just wanted to show you that we love you, both of us." Aaron told her desperately.

"Using your son to get to me – that's low." She replied.

"I'm not using him at all, I just thought that if you really were determined to leave then he deserved a chance to say goodbye, I thought I at least deserved that chance too. God Emily what were you thinking putting in for a transfer without even mentioning it? Did you honestly think I wouldn't try to stop you?" He asked in confusion.

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you. I needed to start over away from here and away from..." She stopped, the words too horrible to articulate.

"Me?" He filled in for her.

"Now you're making me feel horrible all over again." She told him, bending down and placing Jack back down. He grabbed at her, desperate to hold on, but she stepped away a little drawing her arms across her body defensively.

"Emily you have to explain it to me – all of this. Are you really leaving because I talked about marriage – because I talked about the future?" He asked in a disbelieving tone. He had half expected an argument to ensue when he raised the subject but he had never expected her to be this extreme.

"You scared me Aaron, all that talk about marriage and what the future has in store for us, I could barely even cope with what we had on a day to day basis. I didn't know how to love you the way you wanted me to. I always felt like you were waiting for me to be this perfect housewife – like the ones you see in all the magazines – and I could never be that sort of woman or that sort of wife, I was terrified that you wanted to marry me right away and you'd expect all kinds of crazy stuff from me like amazing dinners – you know I can barely cook toast, the brownies were enough of a struggle – Jack did a better job than me.- I felt like I was going to become a prize, that I would lose myself and you shocked me because no one has ever made me feel as incredibly loved as you did and I started to feel like there was something wrong with me because I hadn't even thought about our long term future. All I knew was that I loved being with you... I felt awful because I..." She trailed off, petrified of finishing the sentence.

"Emily when I talked about marriage with you, it wasn't because I was trying to tie you down or make you decide right now, but it's just that I tried everything I could think of to show you how serious I am about you, how much I want to be with you- I thought maybe you didn't want to move in with us because you weren't sure about what I saw for our future. I didn't realise that introducing the 'm' word to our conversation would scare you so much – I only wanted you to know that I love you and I wanted you to be sure that I see us being together for a long time." He told her, stepping into her space and delighting in the fact that she didn't step away.

"Aaron I..." She started but she wasn't really sure what she was going to say.

* * *

><p>"Look if you need to start over, if you don't want this anymore then I understand that, really I do but I really want you to consider staying. I really want you to think about giving our relationship another go." He told her, he hated offering her the option of leaving but he needed to - she had to have the freedom to walk away.<p>

"You know, most men would have given up on me the second I freaked out." She told him with a small smile, stepping a little closer to him.

"Well it must be my romantic streak coming out again, you see I just can't get you out of my head Emily." He told her, daring to reach out and circle his arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry I put you through all of this." She told him sincerely.

"Hey it was an adventure, besides my philosophy is 'it isn't over until it's over'." He told her desperately, not sure that his words made any sense...

* * *

><p>"It isn't over Aaron." She replied looping her arms around his shoulders and pulling his head close to hers as her lips pressed against his.<p>

They revelled in the kiss for a moment and it didn't seem to matter that there were four other people in the room. As always it was only them... After a while they broke apart and the three girls cheered, clapping at the turn of events and making Emily feel like they were in some kind of show or something.

"I love you too." She told him, hoping that her eyes conveyed how serious she was.

"So... now that you've got your stuff all packed up is there any chance of getting you to move in with us?" He asked knowing he was probably pushing his luck.

"Aaron..."

"It's Ok, it was just an idea." He told her, not hiding his disappointment very well.

"No wait, I want to... I realised in this week we've been apart that all I want is to be with you and Jack and for us to be a family... It's just that there's something I need to tell you, something I tried to tell you when we were alone last Friday... It's part of the reason I ran, after freaking out I knew that telling you wasn't an option, I was terrified that you wouldn't want me if you knew I was afraid of our future together ,that's why I thought it'd be better to break away..." She told him, nerves filling her completely.

"What is it Emily? You can tell me anything, I promise, I want to know." He told her, resting his hand on her cheek.

"Well... I _really _wanted to tell you on Friday after... well you know, I thought it would be the perfect time, I was so happy..." She told him her cheeks reddening as once again she realised she'd forgotten the audience they had.

"Tell me what Emily? What is it?" He asked worriedly.

"Aaron, I'm pregnant."

The words came out in a jumble and the shock registered on everyone's faces.

He was silent. No words seemed appropriate to convey his joy. So he offered her a wide smile and made his reply with a kiss...

* * *

><p><strong>So there it is, another huge chapter (I'm sorry I get so carried away) if you made it through to the end I both thank and applaud you, I know it takes some doing. I hope you forgive me for deconstructing the relationship through the middle section but hopefully you understand why. <strong>

**I think I should mention that own none of the textual references contained in this chapter they belong to the corporations and authors who created them and I only borrowed titles, established features and characters. **

**I **_**did**_** try to sandwich the negativity with happiness so I hope it kind of balances out. I really hope you liked the chapter and that you'll let me know what you thought, your comments always make me smile. Just to let you know there's only one more chapter on this which will serve as the epilogue which will be decidedly happier and hopefully will provide a nice HEA to this story . **

**I've done all the edits but please forgive me if I missed some - I try my best. **

**Thanks again to all the beautiful people who are reading this, it is very much appreciated. **

**Love always, **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


	10. Epilogue: Just Say Yes

**Hey lovely people : -) **

**I want to take this opportunity to say a massive thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review this story and all those who have stayed with me as this has built towards its climatic point, it really does mean more to me that a few words on the screen can express. I have enjoyed writing this story so much more than I ever thought I would given that it was written as a response to**_** Lauren **_**and therefore more an outpouring of grief than anything else, but I'm so happy with the way it turned out and I'm glad that everyone who has reviewed seems to enjoy it too. **

**I want to say a HUGE thank you to one person in particular – **_**BabyGurl0506, **_**I really have enjoyed bouncing ideas off of you and having discussions about this as well as every other thing we talk about, you have become a real friend and your support is golden. **

**So this is going to be the last chapter on this and I hope it provides an adequate resolution both to the previous chapter and indeed to the story as a whole. I'll be sad to see this one end but I have more pieces planned – the first of which is a little piece I'm affectionately terming SPONTANEOUS so look out for that**

** : -) **

**This one is for EVERYONE who reviewed me because I love you all so much for taking the time to read and pass comment on this. I hope you enjoy it. **

**My author's note remains the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds its characters or plots and all recognisable dialogues will of course be clearly marked in italics.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dr Robin Smith said: <strong>_**"Saying yes can change your life." **_

_**October 12**__**th**__**, five years later... **_

Aaron Hotchner woke with a start on the cold October morning. He wasn't exactly sure what had woken him; all he knew was that something had. He did not open his eyes immediately which was admittedly something of an oddity for him but he chose instead to use the last moments of his sleepy half wakefulness to concentrate only on the intoxicatingly familiar scent which greeted him. It was indescribable, the mixture of her perfume (the brand of which he still could not recognise save for its bottle) and something which was just quintessentially _Emily. _After a while he opened his eyes and the sight of her cocooned around his body, her head resting on the pillow and her hair splaying behind was better than any dream that might have been interrupted.

She was beautiful and had become more so with every passing year. That was something he never failed to notice and also something which he took great pleasure in telling her now that she had become more comfortable with receiving his compliments. He stroked her bare arm affectionately, enjoying this rare moment when he could just watch her and she was at the mercy of his eyes...

He dropped a small kiss to her shoulder, finding, as usual, that he couldn't resist having his lips on her in this intimate situation, he simply loved the taste of her sweet flesh, loved that he was the only person in the world to experience her sweet surrender. With him, she was not always 'Miss Independence', although she tried often to prove to the contrary, she was more often than not just a woman who was in love with him.

She began to stir and she wrapped her arms around his neck almost by instinct. It was then that he heard the sound that he knew was responsible for waking him.

He looked down at his lover and recalled with perfect clarity exactly what had happened between them last night. It was this recollection of their perfect night together and the memory of being inside of her at the stroke midnight – the dawning of her birthday – that drew his attention to the fact that he needed to do something about their mutual state of undress before what was just a faint noise, a clattering of a plate or two in the distance became a moment of embarrassment for the couple who were both gloriously naked in their bed...

"Emily..." He whispered her name, aware that she became grouchy if she was woken from that delicious in between state of dreams and wakefulness.

"Hmmm?" She mumbled not even bothering to open her eyes.

"Happy Birthday." He told her brightly, brushing his lips against her forehead.

"Ugh." She muttered rolling away from him and throwing her arm over her face in protest. "I thought we agreed not to mention that word?" She told him, her voice flaring with mild anger.

"Ok, Ok I'm sorry... I guess it's just another word I can't mention around you..." He replied, holding his hands up in defeat, there was really no need to ask what he was hinting at, the tone of his voice alone told her that, she didn't need him to directly articulate it for her to catch his meaning. But she would ask anyway, he knew she would as well as she did – it was part of her self-assertiveness and need to prove that she was both dependent on and yet independent of his love simultaneously.

"Oh and what is that supposed to mean?" She asked, keeping her tone light and playful, she had to wonder if he would be bold enough to actually say what he meant this morning.

"Nothing... nothing... but it is your... day." He laughed, she had not disappointed him - she had been brash about getting to the root of the issue as always. He continued to laugh as she shimmied up the bed and sat back against the headboard, unashamed of her nakedness and in his eyes having absolutely no reason to be.

"My day? Hmm... I like that, I can live with that." She smiled as he too sat up and pulled her close for a kiss, a long, lingering kiss – her favourite kind.

They were quiet for a moment as they adjusted to the day, they had to be up and moving in about fifteen minutes – it was the only way to keep to their schedule but for right now, companionable silence and the realisation that this tiny slice of time was their own seemed favourable to getting out of bed and hitting the shower.

The noise that had first woken Aaron was becoming more persistent and in his mind there was little doubt as to what was going on outside of the bedroom and he knew that he had limited time to ensure that they were both suitably dressed before that door opened in about two minutes' time.

"What _is _that?" Emily asked rubbing her eyes a little.

"Well, shoot me if I'm wrong but I think that's your 'happy birthday' breakfast being made." He told her and she grimaced, there it was again, that word that meant nothing more than that she was another year old and that she had gained another wrinkle or two.

"Did you organise this? Think carefully because if you say 'yes' I just_ might_ shoot you." She quipped.

"Emily we are still tangled together after our night of..." She cut across him...

"Amazing Earth shattering happy '_day'_ sex?" Emily asked with a wicked grin omitting the 'birth' part of what kind of day it was and making him blush – apparently that three lettered word still caused problems for Agent Hotchner.

"Mm yes, well... what I was trying to say is that I had no part in any master plan which may or may not involve burnt toast and overly milky coffee." Aaron replied, loving her forwardness and finding that it still surprised him even after five years of being with her.

"So are you asking for forgiveness?" She teased, still believing that he had instigated the preparation of breakfast.

"No... What I'm asking is that you put something on..." He replied his eyes flicking to the door, how long until they were busted? He could smell the slightly burnt toast which meant that the only thing left to do would be to spread on some jam... thirty seconds, a minute maybe?

"I don't want to." She replied indignantly, jutting her jaw out defiantly – oh she meant business.

"Come on Emily, you don't want us to be caught out do you?" He asked as he stepped, admittedly reluctantly, into his boxers and a pair of sweats.

"Na uh... It's my birthday and I get to do what I want." She told him throwing the 'b' word out there.

"Oh I_ see_ it's Ok when you say it..." He teased, kneeling back onto the bed after pulling an old FBI t-shirt over his head.

"Everything's Ok when I say it." She replied with a beautifully charming smile.

"Come on Emily..." He urged, grabbing the negligee she had been wearing last night and handing it to her.

He loved that she had started wearing negligees to bed, when she had first moved in she had been partial to wearing sleep shorts and vests and he never complained – he loved her in anything she wore, she had that effortlessly sexy thing going for her but just recently she had gone through an overhaul of her whole wardrobe which also included super sexy lingerie, a delicious treat for him and stunning negligees in the bedroom. He didn't know what had inspired her, perhaps her impending birthday, but whatever it was he was certainly loving it.

She scowled at the clothing like it was the last thing she wanted to put on, to be honest she would have rather stayed in bed with him all day but they both had work and they didn't have time to waste.

"Couldn't we just stick a chair under the door and stay here instead?" She asked like a petulant child.

"Put the negligee on Agent Prentiss – that is an order." He instructed, his eyes darkening with lust and severity.

"Ooh I love it when you pull rank on me." Emily teased toying with the negligee a little, refusing to relent.

"Are you being insubordinate Agent Prentiss?" He asked, his tone low as he scooted closer to her on the bed.

Her eyes flashed, she was willing to engage in a challenge with him but the sound of Jack's voice changed her mind and she backed down, pulling the negligee over her head and laughing out loud as she realised that its spaghetti strap was hanging lose.

"Oh well, it looks like someone got a little bit excited last night wouldn't you say so Mr _FBI Director _Sir?" She asked loving that for now, she was the only person in the world to know that Aaron was being promoted at the end of the month.

"Nothing's been confirmed Emily... and if you think that was me being excitable then you just wait until later..." He replied, not recognising this person who was engaging in banter with her.

"Oh you know it's a dead cert, Erin told you as much." She brushed off his doubts as she shrugged into her robe and sat back on the bed just in time for the door to open and the room to be filled with the smell of a home cooked, slightly burnt breakfast.

* * *

><p>"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The two voices shouted excitedly and Emily had to smile despite the distaste she had shown about the use of the phrase only short minutes ago.<p>

Jack, now thirteen (going on thirty) balanced a tray of breakfast expertly and placed it down on the bed before her. Emily quickly scanned the tray, two mugs of coffee and two plates of toast each spread messily with strawberry jam.

"Lottie insisted on spreading the jam, sorry it's a bit messy – but _I _made your coffee, just the way you like it." Jack told her, his tone light and filled with love for his sister.

"It all looks wonderful, thank you!" Emily told them both leaning up and placing a soft kiss to Jack's cheek.

"You're welcome." He replied before retreating from the room in search of something...

* * *

><p>Emily quickly turned her attention to the little girl who was standing beside the bed, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to lavish her mother with kisses. She held out a pink helium balloon which was decorated with the words 'Happy Birthday' and Emily tied it to the bed post before scooping her daughter up and pulling her close.<p>

"Did you help your brother with the breakfast?" Emily asked her tone instantly going 'gushy' as it always did when she spoke to either one of the children.

"Mm hmm... Jack cutted up the toast and I put the jam on." Lottie replied and Emily forgave her bad grammar – just this once and only because she was just too adorable, with her big smile and little denim dress - already dressed for school by her super organised spit-of-his- father big brother.

"Well thank you munchkin, you did such a good job with the jam." She told her, it didn't hurt to bend the truth every now and then.

"We have presents for you too." The little girl replied, changing the subject completely – amazing Emily once again with her ability to talk so quickly about so many things.

"Oh you do huh?" Emily asked raising an eyebrow at Aaron in the process – this he was responsible for.

"Yep, Jack's going to get them now." Lottie told her in her statement matter of fact tone.

* * *

><p>Emily's eyes welled up as she looked down at the second present the children had given her, the first having been a box of her favourite truffles, this one had more serious and sentimental value. Not that her love of chocolate wasn't serious, it was just that this present topped anything she'd received from them before.<p>

She stared down at the photograph, depicting both Jack and Lottie in equally statement poses. Jack wore his soccer uniform and Lottie was dressed in one of her mother's dresses and a pair of her high heeled peep toes.

"It's perfect, thank you... Oh I love you two both so much." She told them showering them with kisses again and almost welling up as she studied the cards given to her by the children – Lottie had hand drawn hers and it was covered in pink glitter and stickers whereas Jack's was shop bought (as was the grown up thing to do). What she loved most about that card was that he had selected one with the one word written upon it which meant more to her than anything.

"_Mom." _

She didn't like to read into to it but from the way he was smiling at her she knew it was done out of love.

"Thank you Jack, I love you honey." She smiled.

"I love you too." He told her and she knew that it was true.

* * *

><p>When the children had finally gone to eat their own breakfast and Emily and Aaron had been able to grab a shower, she found herself mulling over Jack's card and wondering how she should broach the subject with him. Never in the five years she had been a part of ' team Hotchner' had she ever thought of replacing Haley in Jack's eyes, in fact as he grew older and became more aware of the circumstances of Haley's death (learning exactly what type of <em>bad man <em>George had been), Emily had done everything in her power to encourage him to remember his mother. They still had pictures of her everywhere and that did not threaten Emily in the slightest, it was important for Jack to have his mother in his life as much as Lottie had hers and now Emily wasn't sure what it meant to have him give her a card like this – it warmed her heart but she was afraid that Jack would start to forget Haley and Emily knew from experience that you had to try to remember the good things about your family. They had to be there in your hearts because otherwise they would become lost and Haley was such an important part of Jack's life that Emily just couldn't comprehend getting in the way of that.

Aaron entered the bathroom just as Emily was tucking her blue pinstriped shirt into her navy skirt and upon seeing her worried expression in the mirror, he was behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist in seconds.

"Relax Emily Ok? Just relax." He crooned as he pressed tiny kisses along the column of her elegant neck.

"Aaron, I never meant... I didn't want to replace Haley in Jack's life – I'm sorry..." She told him lowering her head a little.

"Emily you have to stop worrying. This doesn't mean that Jack has forgotten Haley or that you've 'replaced' her, in fact it means quite the opposite. Jack loves you, this is something you already know and if I know him what's he's trying to say with that card is that in the absence of his mother you are someone who's become really important to him and he's just trying to show you that." Aaron soothed kissing her again.

"I want him to know I think of him the same way as I think of Lottie – he's my child as much as she is but I don't want him to forget that Haley was his mother." She told him blowing out a breath.

"He knows that and he could never forget her, we talk about her all the time and he loves her the way he should but he loves you too and that's what this is Ok – just love. Trust me." Aaron told her.

"I do, you know that." Emily smiled her relief.

"Good now are you going to come and open my gift before we have to head into work?" He asked with a smile.

"Aaron..." She mumbled in protest but he didn't give her any room to back away before he walked them both into the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Her eyes fell onto a box in the centre of the bed and her heart skipped a beat. The label on the box was enough to tell her what it contained.<p>

_Vivienne Westwood... _

"What have you done?" She asked breathlessly, afraid to untie the black ribbon lest this moment be part of dream.

"It's your birthday and I'm allowed to treat the woman I love on her birthday." He told her.

"Not to _Vivienne Westwood_ Aaron...It's too expensive." She told him, not daring to look inside the box, although finding herself hoping that it contained what she thought it did.

"Well it turns out Miss Westwood has a no returns policy so it's yours, go ahead and open it." He told her, his tone authoritative.

She stepped gingerly towards the box and untied the ribbon before lifting the lid and exposing layers of thick black tissue paper... beneath which laid the most perfect red dress she'd ever set eyes on, she would know, she had tried it on just last week and reluctantly taken it back off again, the expense and lack of occasion being her main reason.

She pulled it out, studying its lines and the rippling of the fine silk as she held it up against her.

"I can't accept this." She told him bluntly.

"Yes you can." He replied, like he had rehearsed this argument in his head several times already, he was becoming wise planning his attack before she could provide a counter argument.

"Aaron it's too expensive." She told him in a tone of admonishment, repeating herself apparently to no avail.

"Seeing you in it tonight will make it worth every cent." He told her.

"Tonight?"

"Mm hmm for your party at your mother's house." He filled in.

"Ugh! Don't remind me – what am five years old? Why do I need some ridiculous birthday party – she can't make up for years of _'be a big girl, you don't need a birthday party' _now. Plus it's going to be so political and I have to spend the entire evening playing 'who's a pretty little ambassador's daughter' whilst the Spanish prime minister tries shamelessly to grope my ass." She groaned.

"Well I'll think you'll find that this time things will be working a little differently. I'll be with you and I'll make sure that you'll have a great time and as to the other thing – It'll be me paying attention to your ass – now get it moving because we're going to be late." He told her giving it an affectionate little pat on the way out of the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Emily was fed up of this day already. She hated her birthday, it was a known fact and having the entire team fussing over her all day was making her wish the day was over and done with and that she could wake up safe in the arms of her lover away from the prying eyes of all those tonight who would judge her and her relationship with Aaron, most specifically her mother. She just thanked God that her mother had been persuaded to allow the rest of the team to be at her party – even though she was a grown woman, Elizabeth still believed that Emily was incapable of creating her own guest list.<p>

She signed off on her latest case report and flipped it closed, putting it in the out tray on her desk. She sighed heavily, thinking about the charade that tonight would be – at least this time when attending another of her mother's 'birthday bashes' during which she usually tried to fix her up with some foreign congressman or ambassador, she would actually have someone there to say 'hey she's taken, she's not some sad, lonely thirty something with no life and no prospects like the last time you saw her' – Except that Aaron would be more dignified than that and would treat her with far more respect than she granted herself.

She thought about this as she took an over generous bite of one of Penelope's home baked chocolate covered balloon shaped cookies. So many things in her life had changed for the better. She lived in a great house, was with a man who loved her and had the 'son' and daughter she had always wanted, life for Emily Prentiss was pretty perfect right now.

She swivelled in her chair, turning towards his office. She noticed as she licked some chocolate from her fingers that he was on the phone, as she watched his austere expression soften and finally become replaced by a smile, she wondered who other than her was capable of putting it there. She had never been a particularly jealous woman but when it came to the affections of Aaron Hotchner, the case was entirely different. She continued to watch him until he hung up the phone and sat there with shaking hands.

She was a little concerned, it had to be said. Aaron was usually composed and controlled and right now he was pale and shaking – it just didn't make sense. She was already out of her chair by the time he turned his eyes in her direction and beckoned for her to join him in the office. As she walked towards the steps, she could feel every pair of eyes on her but that hardly seemed to matter – she had long since surpassed the necessity to care what other people thought and right now there was only one pair of eyes that mattered.

* * *

><p>As she reached the first step her cell phone began to ring. She pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the caller ID – <em>Mother. 'Oh Heavens was there a problem with the canapés?' <em>She rolled her eyes before connecting the call, it was a lot easier to answer – she would only keep calling if she didn't.

"Hello mother." She spoke bluntly, wondering what on Earth could be wrong with the party arrangements.

"_Emily darling, I just heard the news." _Elizabeth spoke in a chirpy tone that Emily had never heard before and actually found quite frightening.

"What news?" Emily was irritated right now, wanting nothing more than to go to Aaron.

"_Oh Emily you know what news, I'm calling because we're changing the arrangements for tonight a little. It's the perfect opportunity for Aaron to start networking, he needs to put himself out there as someone who can be a diplomatic leader... and with his appointment with the President, people should know that my daughter is dating the director of the FBI." _Elizabeth replied, talking so fast Emily's head began to spin with information overload.

"What are you talking about?" She asked taking the steps two at a time and opening the door to the office.

Mouthing the words "mother " and "president?" at him as she listened to her mother rambling on about things changing for Emily, about how important this promotion was for the Prentiss name...

"Mother hold on a minute. This is Aaron's promotion, he's been waiting for this ever since I've known him, this has nothing to do with me... no I _won't_ be some kind of _trophy wife... _You haven't even given me a chance to speak to him yet... Who told you about this anyway?" She spoke in broken sentences like she was fighting to be heard over her mother.

"_Erin of course." _Elizabeth told her, a snip of bitterness in her voice as she realised her daughter felt like she was interfering again.

"Ah your new best friend – of course." Emily replied rolling her eyes at Aaron who looked slightly ambushed.

"_Well at least someone keeps me up to date with what's going on with you. I haven't seen you since Christmas; I haven't seen Charlotte or Jack and I haven't spent any time with you. Sometimes it feels like you're cutting me out of your life Emily." _She told her.

"I am not cutting you out, I just like to do things my way. You know what my work is like, I never know how long I'm home for. I wish you could see _Lottie _and Jack more but this is just the way it is." Emily replied, feeling overwhelmingly guilty on a day that was supposed to be all about her. Trust her mother to harness that particular skill.

"_Well the children could at least come and stay with me for a couple of days every now and then whilst you're away." _Elizabeth almost seemed to be begging.

"Mom, you know Jessica... you know what? We'll talk about this later. I'm at work right now." Emily told her in tone of marked defeat.

"_Tell Aaron I said congratulations, remember to be here for 6.30 – black tie." _Elizabeth replied, knowing that she had just won the upper hand.

"Of course, we'll see you later. Bye Mom." She replied before ending the call.

* * *

><p>"Well my mother says congratulations; you wanna tell me what she's congratulating you for?" Emily asked, stepping further into the office and moving closer to him. Somehow just standing this close to him washed a sense of calm over her tense body – why did she still allow her mother to do this to her?<p>

"Uh... well Emily you're looking at the new Director of the FBI – I got out of the meeting with Erin this morning, I had planned to tell you but then I got a phone call..." Aaron told her.

"You got the promotion? Aaron that's fantastic, I told you she couldn't deny you anymore." Emily told him throwing her arms around him and pulling him close, all semblance of professionalism seeming to desert her in that moment.

"That's not all... The phone call I got – it was pretty important..." He trailed off a minute as he pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"Mm hmm ... and who was it that put that smile on your face?" She asked playfully.

"Well it was the President's personal secretary at the White House; apparently he wants to officially offer me the position, its standard procedure apparently." Aaron replied with a nervous smile.

"The White House? Wow... the President wants to meet you?" She asked astounded by how quickly this change was becoming official.

"Yes, but I'll only go if you think this is the right thing to do Emily." He told her, his thumbs caressing her cheeks.

"What do you mean if _I_ think this is the right thing to do?" She asked, admittedly a little confused.

"Well it's just that becoming director includes a lot of additional responsibilities Emily, I won't be working from this office anymore, I won't be travelling with you on cases, I could be away for longer periods of time and I'd have a mountain of paperwork all the time..." He told her, his tone even not giving away how much he was hoping she'd tell him to go for it anyway.

"Oh and you think these are reasons not to take the job?" She asked in disbelief, these were pretty much standard expectations for Aaron- she understood that.

"No Emily, those are the responsibilities, that's my job description. My reason for hesitating is that you and our children are the most important things in my life and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardise that importance. My professional life is only one part of me and I want things to be right this time. I don't want to come home in the middle of the night and find that you've gone, I don't my children to grow up in a one parent family with a father who only ever sends cards on their birthdays and isn't there for Christmas. I want you to always be by my side... More than that, I_ need_ you there and if that means I continue to be the Unit Chief of the BAU then that's what I'll do." He told her, with such passion that it took her breath away.

"Aaron are you crazy? Your work is a huge part of who you are and I would never ask you to change that. This isn't something that you should even be hesitating about – this is your dream and that dream existed long before I ever came along – I understand a passion that deeply rooted and I'm not going to be the reason that you turn this down. I hope you remember what I told you the first night you ever made love to me – I understand that you have to be different people, I understand and I want them all. I don't want you to be afraid to take this because I love you for all the things that you are and I promise you I'm not going anywhere. I love you and that's all that matters to me. So I'm going to be there every step of the way, holding your hand and encouraging you to be the best FBI Director the Bureau's ever seen Ok? Now what did you say to the secretary?" She asked, noticing that he looked surprisingly flabbergasted.

"I told her I had to liaise with you before I could commit to anything." He replied, pride swelling in him as he realised that she meant every word of what she had said.

She groaned then, not quite believing what she had just heard. Only Aaron could do this.

"Please tell me you did _not_ just say no to the _President_ because of me." She mumbled dropping her head onto his shoulder in a sign of astonished disbelief.

"Ok so how about I don't tell you?" Aaron asked sheepishly, realising his mistake.

"How about you call her right back and beg for that appointment with the President huh?" She asked incredulously.

"Well the reason I wanted to wait was because she asked me if I was bringing a plus one... What should I say?" He asked, a small smile playing across his lips as he dared to hope.

"What do you think? Just say yes Aaron." She told him.

"Really?"

"Really really. I think I can cope with being your '_arm candy' _for one afternoon." She smiled her beautiful wide grin at him.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked, pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Well what's not to love?" She asked pressing a quick kiss to his lips which despite the very public display of affection, he fought to deepen.

She wriggled out of his grasp and headed towards the door, wiping at the smudges of lipstick she could feel at the corners of her mouth.

"Would you call her already?" She asked "anyone would think you've gone soft." She added with a wicked giggle as she exited the office.

* * *

><p>There was a knock at the door just as she was stepping into her Louboutins and she knew it was very likely to be her mother, coming to check that she was suitably dressed for her own birthday party – God even being back in her own room at her mother's house (upon Elizabeth's insistence that they should stay the night with her) was making her feel like she was that Yale graduate waiting for her break with the academy, having her every move scrutinised all over again.<p>

She checked herself in the mirror again, her eyes scanning the way she had clipped back some of her dark hair – searching for any sign of the imperfections her mother was bound to notice. She was pleased to find that there were no such signs – or none noticeable to the _human _eye at least. She giggled to herself as she called out her assent for the person's entry.

Sure enough her mother's slender frame slipped inside of the bedroom and Emily could immediately see the thunderous expression she wore.

"Mom what's the matter?" She asked, turning away from the mirror and studying the woman who wore a long black Prada gown and a severe, pinched looking expression.

"First the caterers try serving shellfish to the French Ambassador's wife – she's allergic _and _pregnant by the way – and now you're not wearing the Chanel we agreed on." Elizabeth threw up her hands in defeat, looking at the red Westwood her daughter wore like it was the _devil's dress_.

"Ok Mom calm down alright? Do you see what these political parties do to you? They turn you into a person that I don't even recognise. I'll talk to the caterers and I'll make sure nothing else goes wrong. As for the dress, the Chanel was beautiful, really it was but I always wear black to these parties and I wanted to wear something different tonight." Emily replied, finding some strength from somewhere which left her resolved not to give in and change.

"Besides..." She continued when it appeared her mother had been left speechless by this sudden rush of assertion "Aaron likes it when I wear red." She told her absentmindedly as she thought about how he would react when he saw her in this dress.

"So all of a sudden you're dressing for a man?" Elizabeth asked in disbelief, almost as if she didn't recognise the woman in front of her.

"Well that's better than dressing for my mother!" Emily raised her voice a little and then immediately regretted it as hurt coloured her mother's features.

"If that's how you feel Emily then perhaps this party was a mistake." She replied.

Emily bit back the urge to shout at her that this party had never been for her benefit but rather a chance for Elizabeth herself to show Emily and Aaron off to her political friends – particularly now Aaron's profile had been raised and instead she caught her mother's wrist as she turned to leave.

"Mom that's not what I'm saying, I only meant that I'm with Aaron now, I love Aaron and I only want to make him happy. He bought me this dress for my birthday because he understood that I needed a little confidence booster in front of all those diplomats, he understands that _I hate politics _and yet he's still here to hold my hand and to make me feel less like I'm being fed to the vultures – he persuaded me to come here and somehow you've turned this whole thing into an opportunity to exploit his position and our relationship. That's something you don't get about us – we're very private people and what happens in our lives should stay that way too. So I'm not saying that I don't appreciate a party, but I am saying maybe next time you could come over and it could be just _us,_ just our family and _our_ friends Ok?" Emily asked, not wanting to hurt her mother's feelings but also wanting to let her know that things had changed now.

"I understand, I do know I can be pushy and I'm sorry if I've made you feel awkward or uncomfortable I only wanted to show you how proud of you and your family I am. I guess I've sort of forgotten what it's like to have that kind of private affection with someone – being married to your father wasn't easy, what with him being away all the time, I suppose when I found out that Aaron was being made Director I felt the need to throw you this party so that you'd feel that you weren't alone, I guess I did just the opposite though huh?" Elizabeth asked looking at her with sad eyes.

"Mom you don't have to worry about me, I'm not alone and I never will be again. Aaron and I love each other; we don't need any grand gestures to remind us of that because it's something we'll always have." Emily replied, giving her mother an awkward kind of half hug.

"No grand gestures huh? For a profiler you sure are missing a pretty big behavioural trait here Emily." Elizabeth told her.

"Oh? What's that?" Emily asked, confused by the turn of this conversation.

"That man wants to marry you Emily, anyone can see it and for five years you've been avoiding that fact." Elizabeth replied.

"Uh... well..." Emily stumbled over the words as she tried to formulate an answer to that statement.

"Well nothing, if you love him then there's nothing stopping you from becoming his wife. Aaron is going to need your support now more than ever and I'm willing to bet he needs to know that you're not going to go anywhere – getting married, making that commitment would show him that you're serious about all of this – ensuring a stable home for your children, maintaining your career and encouraging his – these are all things you want Emily and I don't know why you won't let yourself have them." Her mother told her.

"I'm afraid... of letting you down, of losing my independence. I don't want to feel like I'm just somebody's wife – I want to be a person and be in love. Is that so bad?" Emily asked.

"No sweetheart, I think that's admirable but look at me – I married your father and it sure as Hell didn't stop me from being a tough, independent politician, so why should marrying the man _you _love stop you?" Elizabeth replied.

"Maybe you're right..." She replied as her mother began backing out of the room.

"Your mother is always right Emily, now go find Aaron because your friends are here."

* * *

><p>She knocked on the door of the room he was using to change in, the one of advantage of changing here rather than at home was that she had had a separate bathroom and had been able to spend as much time as she pleased in the shower. He didn't answer for a moment so she opened the door slightly and peered in. Her eyes fell on him as he paced the room restlessly and she curled her lip between her teeth in worry.<p>

"Aaron? Is everything Ok?" She asked stepping into the room. For a moment he didn't seem to notice that she was even in the room but as she came closer and touched her hand to his shoulder, he jumped a little.

"Oh Emily... You look... Wow you look stunning as always. That dress really suits you." He told her and she could tell he meant it even if he was a little distracted.

"Thank you, I love it." She told him, kissing him lightly.

"I suppose we need to be downstairs soon huh?" He asked.

"Yeah. Mom freaked out a little and I think we might need to do some damage control – especially with the catering service, at the rate they're going they be lucky to get another job after tonight." She swallowed nervously, she could see a tension throbbing at his temple and it was showing no signs of going away.

"Emily can we talk?" He asked and the phrase sounded so ominous that she almost couldn't breathe, she barely managed to nod her head.

He was quiet for a long while and she was getting increasingly nervous – she had to do something to abate this tension. "Is it Jack and Lottie?" Emily asked worriedly.

"No, no they're both fine, Jessica is taking care of them tonight as arranged." He told her.

"Ok so what's the matter?" She asked pressing a kiss to his jacketed shoulder.

"I just think that all of this, me taking the director's job, changes everything for us."

"What are you saying?" She asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"I just don't want you to feel like you'll only be important to me as the 'decoration'; I don't want that to be the way people think of you... I want you to know that I'm with you because I love you and I want to be with you every step of the way." He told her taking her hands and looking directly into her eyes.

"I know, I feel the same way." She told him and although it might have seemed like a pacifying statement, she found that she really meant it.

"We've been together a long time and we've been through a lot, but I've never been more scared than I am right now." He told her.

"Aaron, I understand, you're bound to feel a little nervous about this but that's Ok." Emily soothed.

"That's not why I'm scared, I mean of course I'm worried about living up to expectations but I meant I'm scared about what's going to happen next between you and me." He told her.

"I told you already you don't have to worry about me – I love you and I'm not going anywhere unless it's with you." She told him, worried that she was slipping into a clichéd idea of love and romance and wondering if this was really such a bad thing in this situation.

"I know that, it's just that I've been trying to think of ways all day to _extend your vocabulary. _You see we seem to have conquered your fear of the 'b' word today and I have something to ask you now, something I hope will help you get over the fear of the 'm' word too." He told her.

She was holding her breath and counting the seconds as they turned to minutes and she was starting to see stars. Was this really it? The moment when he would change the way she thought about life and their relationship. She dared not to move as he reached inside his jacket and gripped something between his fingers.

"You have to understand that I've been waiting for this moment for almost five years and that gives a man a lot of planning time. I've considered every cliché in the book, I've thought about romantic getaways and sky writing the words and I had finally decided to do it at the end of the evening when all your mother's officials would be gone and it would be just you, me and all of our friends but then I overheard your conversation with your mother and I realised that you were right – there doesn't need to be anyone else involved in our relationship or in this moment because that's not how we work. We're private people and so I've decided that now, right now just like this is the perfect time to ask you what I should have had the courage to ask you years ago." He told her and she felt tears welling in her eyes as he got down on one knee and pulled out a little black box.

She gasped, realising that at this moment, whilst he was trying not to be clichéd she was the embodiment of the cliché – the woman who really hadn't expected this, the shocked and bewildered love interest of the romantic hero. She had always known that he wanted to get married, that knowledge had very nearly torn them apart at one point but now that it was really happening she was a melting pot of emotions. She was thrilled and overwhelmed, scared witless and ecstatic all at the same time.

"Aaron..." She started but she really didn't know what she was going to say to finish the sentence.

"Ssh..." He whispered, opening the box and showing her the ring he had selected especially for her.

It was so perfect. White gold with a huge yellow diamond set into it. Something so unique and so gorgeous that she simply couldn't believe that this was really happening to her – it felt like a dream...Any minute she would wake up...

"Emily Prentiss, ever since you came back into my life five years ago I've been in love with you, you've stolen my heart and I never want you to give it back. I want to be with you forever. So the question I've been meaning to ask you is... Will you marry me?" He asked, desperation and hope colouring his tone.

"Aaron... I... It's beautiful... I don't know what to say..." She breathed.

* * *

><p>"One word Emily that's all I need to make me happy. Please just say yes..."<p>

Above the fireplace, amongst countless school photographs and framed awards and next to a picture of FBI Director Hotchner shaking hands with the President was a picture which proved that saying yes really can change your life.

He stood on the right and she on the left, their heads nestled close to each other, turned towards the camera. They both wore smiles which were expressive of how unequivocally happy the event has made them. His arms were draped around her waist in a gesture which showed how much he loved her, whilst her own hands rested against his chest. On her finger clearly visible and in contrast with the simple, elegant white dress she wore was the yellow diamond he had given to her on the evening of her birthday party and just in front of that, she sported a simple white gold wedding band which symbolised the love and the eternal support she would always offer to her husband.

There, on a wall full of happy memories from a life she never thought she could have – a life very nearly robbed from her – was a photograph which captured not only the union of a happy couple but also the moment when SSA Emily Hotchner finally started to _Breathe Again_...

* * *

><p><strong>Ok so there it is – it's done. Now I'm not quite sure what to think. I have really enjoyed writing this and I hope that you have enjoyed reading it too. Your support really has been my inspiration and has kept me writing, so I can only say thank you again and let you know that it really does come from the bottom of my heart. I hope you liked this ending, I know it might seem a little out of character but with the loving relationship I had established throughout this was always the way I wanted to end things, so I only hope that I have done this story justice and that you've enjoyed reading it. I'd love for you to let me know. <strong>

**I went thorugh this and I hope I have caught all the edits, if not please forgive me, I'm only human after all and I have been sick this week so editing this has taken way longer than it was supposed to, hence the delay - I can only beg forgiveness.**

**I've got a few pieces planned as I've mentioned, the first of which will be posted in a couple of days so look out for that... **

**Love always, **

_**X~Michelle~X **_


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